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lavenderbud-deactivated20180916

me walking into a room

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gaylor-moon

timetrees

since it’s hanukkah and people might be paying attention to jewish people for once, some stuff to note

don’t call a jewish person a jew unless you know they’re okay with being called that

antisemitism is still very real (you’d be surprised how many people ‘forget’ this)

goyim (or gentile) means non-jewish people, goy is singular.

undermining and erasing jewish traditions is antisemitism

if you say to ‘get over the holocaust’ or anything along those lines i will come over and bash your head in with our spare menorah

Don’t tell someone they can’t be Jewish because “they don’t look like a Jew.” That’s not for you to decide.

EDIT: this post is going around again and i’m not really sure why. i know it isn’t hanukkah, this was made last year. and some jewish people don’t like being called jews because the word jew is often used in a negative light (“jew nose”, “greedy jew”, etc) and we don’t like goyim saying those things.

she

who

girl

My favorite rainbow six siege reviews on the steam website

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hoolia-art

Chicken Functionality

charlesoberonn

discreet45

fiztheancient

i cant believe there are people who still havent seen this video

jerkstorecalling

I could probably recite this entire video, word-for-word, on demand.

toolusingmammalgirl

Goddamn, this is nearly thirty years old and it fits like a glove into contemporary shitpost cadence and aesthetics, this is High Art

clientsfromhell

Me: “How can I help you today, ma'am?” Client: “Is e-mail internet”? Me: “I beg your pardon?” Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?” Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.” Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.” Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?” Client: “Open what?” Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?” Client: “My…my…?” Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?” Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.” Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?” Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?” Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?” Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.” Me: “No, ma'am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?” Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?” Me: “We…okay, ma'am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?” Client: “My what?” Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”

Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.

Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?” Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.” Me: “An error message?” Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.” Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?” Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Move it for me.” Client: “Move it?” Me: “Yes. Move it.” Client: “My e-mail!”

mer-squared-deactivated20200212

This post gave me a fucking ulcer.

fatislove

MY EMAIL

memeufacturing-deactivated20161

if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

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teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied

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teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…

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teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….

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teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….

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teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.

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teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden

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teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut

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teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …

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teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet

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teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield

animalbody

if theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died

me in a a god awful Austin Powers impression at insanely high decibels nearly to the point of screaming: life makes me depressed baby!!!

my therapist: I know this is some sort of coping mechanism but I am begging you to give me information in virtually any other way

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hollowtones

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out.

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

fidefortitude-deactivated202011

These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all

t-h-a-n-a-t-0-s

#this sounds like it came straight out of night vale

i’m crying because it’s true

foxqueen-katarian

Things my dentist has actually said to me:

“Well, either the x-rays lied to me or you are spontaneously creating teeth. I’m going with the second one because it’s way cooler.”

“When was the last time you flossed? Your gums aren’t bleeding which means I’m either not doing this hard enough or you actually floss your teeth regularly”

“You don’t need to do a fluoride treatment I just want to go check my facebook for a second and this is the best excuse I can come up with. Don’t worry your insurance will cover it.”

“Take a whole handful of toothbrushes, I can’t order new ones in less ugly colors until these ones are gone.”

“Remember not to eat or drink anything for a half hour…or actually you know forget that go eat lemons and drink coffee right now. I make money based on peoples bad decisions, you should probably stop brushing your teeth too.”

“I became a dentist because I like making children cry and they don’t let you do that as a regular doctor.”

spectralserval1138

Chaotic neutral dentist?

macster23

Heaven sent

shameshack

For the white knight collection

seinfeldr

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animatedmovie-deactivated201709

theinfamouschubbykitten

What in tarnation

tacosrainbowsandlove

@poescrow-love

turing-tested

i want to fucking die i was at the dollar store and i carefully picked up an orange gatorade and went “sexy boy….” because i thought no one else was around but it turns out i was WRONG

i know because i heard a quiet “what the fuck bro” from the next aisle over

mollycolliex-deactivated2019041

my question is why were you calling an orange gatorade “sexy boy”

turing-tested

how i feel about orange gatorade is none of your buisness

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