better luck next time

We're all avoiding the monsters, babe, or haven't you heard?

Screw practicality; it’s no fun anyway. Secrets, though. Those are fun.

You like secrets? Good for you because this place is full of them. Too many secrets probably. Not enough answers.

Relax, sweetheart, I was only joking around. I flirt with everyone. Women, men, everyone. It's just fun for me. It's not like I've got anything better to do with my time.

But say, hypothetically, I am stuck here. How the hell would I go about fixing that?

Guys! Guys... Holy fuck, did you see that thing? It nearly tore me to shreds!

[Huffing, she walked over to the door and jiggled the knob pointedly. Then, out of frustration, she landed a well-aimed kick to the wood.]

Good job so far! Keep trying. I'm sure you'll get out if you kick it a few more times.

What's the matter, cat got your tongue? Just leave already.

Yes, clearly. Which is why I need to get out. ASAP.

…Wow. Sounds like a pretty morbid party.

Yeah, this place sucks. You waltzed into the wrong haunted house of horrors, sweetheart.

Alright, so what’s to do around here that hasn’t got to do with…whatever…here…is?

Ha. Not much, unless you like fighting other people for supplies, running from monsters, and dying horribly.

Ooh, what’s really in the basement? Jackson and Kris lurkin’ in the shadows? I might go down there just to give them a puff of smoke in the face. Little imps, leaving me here. Goddamn it.

I really don't even know who these people are but sure... If you think your friends are in the basement waiting to scare you, why don't you go say 'hi' to them?

Look. I need proof. Viable evidence that screams “hoodoo voodoo” right in my face. And a locked door does not count for anything.

If you're really looking for hoodoo voodoo, how about you go into the basement? I'm sure some ghosts would be happy to show you around. They love it down there where it's dark and spooky.

A little bit, a lotta bit. Same difference. Hoodoo voodoo, though. That’s…interesting. Lots of research went into this, I see. I need to remember to give him a hard slap on the back. Then again, he never was much of a history buff…

Face it, Alec, you're just one of us poor unfortunate souls now. It's an unlucky turn of events, but hey, on the bright side you're trapped with me and all my charms and good looks.

Wow, I had no idea Jackson had friends in the Arts department other than me. What’s your name, bucko? You’re pretty dang talented. Who’re you calling kiddo?

While I am talented in many areas, I'm not acting. I'm not even making shit up. Well, that's not entirely true, I may be making a little bit of shit up. I don't actually know for sure what's going on here, I just know it's a lot of hoodoo voodoo nonsense.

See? I’m laughing because it’s just that funny. Now, will someone please let me out of this goddamn building?

Basically, the deal is you can't leave the property. Why? Because ghosts, demons, and unholy godlike deities from the underground say so or something like that. Yeah, it sounds like I'm joking, but try to leave. Doesn't work. You're stuck here, kiddo!

I always hate to be the one to break the bad news because it makes me seem like a bad guy. But don't shoot the messenger, sweetheart! I think you and I will get along great.