Fat Fruit

My lunch today: 5-6 leaves of latuk. And 50gr vanilla ice cream.

Breakfast. Water with lemon. After that two slices of cheese.

All began in the 8th grade, when I was 14 years old. My sister kept saying that she was fat, I started to look at myself and realized with horror that I’m fatter than her. We did sports, but it did not last long. At the beginning of 9th grade, I looked motivating sporty girls photos, in the same group was the album “We are against that,” it was the album of girls suffering from anorexia. Over some time, I found myself on the fact that the photo of skinny girls motivate me more than normal girls. I started looking for pictures of skinny girls, the anorexic communities, and my food portions become smaller. But I always was afraid to cross the line: my love for family isnt allowed to give up dinner, use strong laxatives - I was too afraid, I always suffered from acne, and I knew that because of things like that it can be worse. At the beginning of the 10th grade, I made friends with a girl who has always been thin, but she was starving to become thinner. Together, we didnt eat at school, but at home I overeated cookies. It was terrible. I felt guilty every time when I was eating. I moved to another country half year ago and then went to the 10th grade again. I thought that here I will be able to lose weight, but I gained even more weight. I still feel guilty when I eat. I hate myself after one apple. I look in the mirror and hate this fat girl. I dont think I have an eating disorder: I understand that something wrong with me, I continue to overeat cookies. I love food. I hate to eat.

Dinner. Salad. Im so bad, after all this good things I ate 6 sandwiches with chocolate... I dont want to do it anymore.

Lunch. Two cups of water with lemon and an apple and a pear.

Breakfast today. Water with lemon and nana.

Breakfast. Tea with chocolate yogurt.

My little brother brought for me a half of cupcacke, wich he did in the kindergarden - so cute~^^ And a bread, yeah, about these all...

Lunch. Apple and nana...~^^

My breakfast. Just tea with nana.

Lunch. Vegetables. After that I ate 10... Cookies. That all.

Breakfast. Tea and nana, it looks so dark, but honestly, it was normal, it is just an affect from my "very good" cam...~^^

Tea time. I ate A LOT if cookies....fuck

Dinner. Potato, fish and vegetables.

My breakfast today. Two apples, banana and 7 cookies. Yeah I knooow, cookies are bad, but I cant control myself when I’m sick. So, now I’m sitting at home and trying not to ate all cookies~^^

Pasta with vegetables.

Breakfast. Banana with coffee.