Where pain turns into words

I want to be seen beyond my flesh,

Past the woven veil and the bone’s tight mesh.

Do not stop your gaze at the curve of the skin,

Or the hollow defenses I am shivering in.

I am a city of secrets, a map of the dark,

Carrying the glow of a flickering spark

That exists in a place where the light cannot reach

A language of spirit that no one can teach.

Beyond the face, where the world likes to dwell,

Is a story that features no mirror can tell.

The mask is a sculpture of time and of grace,

But it is not my home, it is only a place.

Look past the eyes to the hunger behind,

To the intricate, beautiful web of the mind,

To the scars that are silent and the dreams that are deep,

To the promises made that I’m struggling to keep.

Beyond what everyone sees on the surface,

Beyond the performance, the poise, and the purpose,

I am a vastness of water, a forest of sighs,

A truth that is hidden from casual eyes.

The world is a shallow and shimmering thing,

Missing the song that the silences sing,

But I am demanding a witness who knows

That the root is much more than the bloom of the rose.

I want my soul to be recognized,

Held in a vision that isn't disguised.

To be known for the essence, the fire, the breath,

For the parts of a person that persevere death.

Read the ink of my spirit, the heart’s heavy braille,

Step through the shadow and under the veil;

See me for all that I am, and will be

Past the wall of the physical,

Please... finally, see me.

#stonewalls

The water does not fight you,

it only occupies the space you try to shatter.

Every frantic kick,

each thrashing fist against the surface,

is an invitation for the depths to fold inward.

The more you claw at the liquid ceiling,

the heavier the downward pull becomes

like invisible hands wrapped around your ankles,

dragging you into the quiet dark.

Your lungs burn with the effort of resistance.

The surface recedes, a shifting sheet of light that you cannot grasp.

But the moment the panic tires itself out,

when the muscles uncoil and the spine goes soft,

the downward heavy grip dissolves.

You stop fighting the pressure.

You let the currents carry your weight sideways,

unfolding into the vast, blue suspension.

In the stillness of surrender,

the water changes.

It is no longer a tomb, but a mirror

sunlight fracturing into pale green ribbons,

the cold a comforting weight against your skin.

You are not sinking anymore;

you are simply part of the flow,

watching the beauty of the deep open up around you.

#stonewalls

Its ok im used to the taste of the earth. The salt of my tears.

Im used to the heartache and the understanding. Of relieving others fears.

Of being the pillar between then pain and the need. Between hope and desire. Never the same. And always left burt by the fire

I am what is needed but never kept. Like medicine to the soul you take to feel that relief and happiness. But can also easily be discarded when no longer needed.

Im the one who sees all the parallel choices and paths. While simultaneously immediately feeling the shift when it occurs. I am a sloppy but perfect mess. Hidden beneath pain and the discarded. And like another cruel joke I will remain alone in my bubble.

The take away.... dont come out of that bubble. Dont dare to believe of the big forever dream. Sit alone in that rocking chair and in the end just know you gave it your very all.

I can only be me. And im not for anybody.

Go on and drape the velvet cape around my spine,

Pour out the bitter venom, and call it wine.

I will sit quietly upon this crooked throne you made,

And wear the jagged crown of every lie you played.

If me being the monster helps you sleep at night,

Then I will be the shadow fading from your light.

I am okay with being the bad guy in your tale,

The storm that broke your ship, the tearing of your sail.

I listen to the echoes of the words you twist and bend,

Shaping a horror story out of what was once a friend.

The stories you have weaved while I am never there

Paint me in a blinding, cruel, malicious glare.

You hand out the scripts to everyone you meet,

Turning my quiet name into garbage in the street.

You allow the circle that you keep around your heart

To treat me like a target, to tear my soul apart.

They talk with such disrespect, with coldness and with spite,

Damning the villain you invented, deep into the night.

And all the while, I remain completely in the dark,

Left alone in a winter where there is no spark.

I am doing nothing but trying to survive each heavy blow,

Walking through the freezing mud where only briars grow.

I reached out for a helping hand, a desperate, silent plea,

But you watched me slip beneath the wave and turned your back on me.

You left me there to drown inside the current of your blame,

While you stood dry upon the shore and whispered of my shame.

But there is a strange and quiet power in the role that I must take;

I no longer have to bend, and I no longer have to break.

Let them believe the rumors, let them think that I am stone.

I will survive the wreckage of the sins that aren't my own.

Keep your polished victim's mask, and I will keep the scar,

For the villain in your story knows exactly who they are.

#stonewalls