Disney Prince

house arrest is so funny to me. you commited crimes, stay home

A D V A N C E D   G R O U N D I N G

I’m such a ho for window seats

It’s 2:30 AM and I’m in the men’s bathroom and someone was in another stall and I starting blaring the Thomas The Tank Engine theme and I literally heard them stop peeing out of fear

how do you know it was fear and not arousal?

I like to think we live in a nice world and not the one you just created

BITCH ME TOO

This art style makes it feel like I’m about to learn something

My parents have been married for 19 years and together for 20 and I asked them what they were doing for valentines and they both looked so disgusted and said it was commercial and they hated it and then my dad said to me that every year he sends her flowers her favourite chocolates and a card pretending to be a secret admirer because although they think it’s a stupid holiday he wants her to have chocolate and then I went to my mum and asked about her secret admirer and she said it was a running joke between them cause my dad spends the day saying he’s gonna beat up her secret admirer and they both know it’s him but it’s been going for twenty years and my mum keeps the cards and if that isn’t love idk what is

I’m coining generation Nobody Knows for people born in 1995-2000

generation Nobody Knows has the qualities of both Millennials and Gen Z. We are broke and miserable like Millenials and frothing at the mouth and out for blood like Gen Z. 

God I was at that restaurant in Annapolis yesterday that serves those 4 lbs milkshakes and these two dudes were just finishing one together and people were asking them for tips and they were like “you have to get like mint chocolate chip or something because if there’s no texture it gets too boring to finish” and all I could keep thinking was that it can only be a matter of time before some god wipes this town off the map and we will have earned it with our disgusting hubris

Doable? Maybe

Listen. After the Burger Incident of 2016 I’ve learned to accept my fragile mortality and live within the boundaries set for humanity by the Universe.

I’m a little nervous but my curiosity is overwhelming~ what, pray tell, is the Burger incident of 2016?

See I don’t even have Middle Child Syndrome and I Feel like I’ve Been Issued A Challenge.   There’s even a Steak ‘n’ Shake nearby.

“I was so fucked up that I just started eating leaves straight off her mint plant” is a heck of a sentence. 

the older i get the more i understand the weird shit my grandma says like she say “some people have never cleaned a bathroom in their life and it shows when they speak” and honestly? tea.

This is so unspeakably satisfying, holy shit

Omg its like glass