Fandom junk

No more messages came from Mammon after that. Your cheeks stayed flushed, and your heart pounded in your chest. It was such a random conversation with him, mainly because he refused to be all mushy. But at the same time, he was just practicing some lines, right? He was just a friend, right? A knock sounds at your door, snapping you out of your thoughts. You hear someone clear their throat on the other side, and you make your way from your bed to the doorknob. Before opening the door, you hear small whispers on the other end.

What do I say? Will they like it? What if they don't- hmph!

You open the door, and on the other side is Mammon. He looks at you in surprise, fumbling with excuses for his arrival at your bedroom door. Smiling, you let him in.

"Hello, Mammon! Do you need something?" You ask, sitting back on your bed. Mammon looks around, as if he'd never been in your room before, and then sits beside you on your bed. He sighs and places his head on your shoulder, relaxing at the contact. You sit in peace for a moment, enjoying each other's company. Sometimes, Mammon would come into your room and sit with you in silence, just to get away from the gazes and jeers from his brothers. You were glad that he felt comfortable with you, and you appreciated the downtime.

"Is there anything bothering you?" You ask, leaning your head onto his. Another sigh emits from Mammon as he nuzzles into your shoulder more. You hear mumbling from him, but you couldn't quite make out his words. "Hmm?" You sound, not trying to pry too much. He sighs again.

"Those messages I sent you, how did you feel about them?" He asks, looking up at you. You felt a slight heat in your cheeks as you think back to just a few minutes ago. "Well, you seem to have those lines memorized, I think you'd be great for the role." You reply, trying to keep your actual thoughts to yourself. He huffs in response. "Thats not what I meant..." His cheeks were dusted pink. Seeing him flustered was cute, and he always stutters as well. "I mean, if I said that- If I said that to you right now. Would you be happy?" You could hear your heart beating even faster, Mammon's puppy eyes looking into your own. Stuttering, you manage "I, I wouldn't be upset, maybe." His eyes lit up and a smile spread along his lips. He jumped from your bed, grabbing your hands and pulling you up with him.

"Y/N! Listen here and listen well! I, the great Mammon, you're number one! You're first! Offer you a deal! Stay by my side and allow me to be yours'. Those messages were not only lines for a dumb play, but they were also my true feelings. I want you by my side, because you really are the only one for me. I'm not sure what I would do without you, I don't think I would be able to live without you. So please, accept my...feelings?"

Such a speech was enough to make your heart pound in your ears, and you were sure that if he listened, he would hear it as well. Many thoughts ran through your head at once, enough to make you dizzy. But there was only one right answer, right?

Mammon nuzzled into your back and clung to your shirt as he slept. After accepting his feelings, he nearly crushed you in a hug. He was happy, happier than he was when Goldie was given back to him. He was a bit awkward with what to do next, he couldn't decide if he wanted to kiss you or just hold you in his arms until they fell off. So, he did both. He stayed cuddled up to you until he fell asleep, a peaceful look adorned his features.

Lights twinkled and shined as they swayed in the breeze. The festivities of the planet were full of vendors and people. Obi-Wan looked around, searching faces. He stopped when he saw his padawan, Anakin, talking with now Senator Padme. He watched for a few moments and continued his search. You had mentioned that you would be there, enjoying the festival alongside your companions, yet you were no where to be found. Obi-Wan huffed as he trudged towards Anakin and Padme and took a drink from the table beside him.

“Is there something bothering you, Master?” Anakin asked, looking at Obi-Wan quizzically. Obi-Wan shook his head in response, muttering “you did hear her say she would be joining us tonight, right?” Anakin looked down at Padme, a smirk on his lips. “She did say she would, are you looking for her?” He teased.

Ever since he became a padawan, Anakin had witnessed the connection between you and Obi-Wan, one that he would consider mutual crushing, much like him and Padme originally had. Though, neither of you had made a move, and even after Anakin and Padme had secretly married, they watched as the tension had only grown between the two of you. Padme thought it was sweet, where Anakin had just about enough of the side glances and smiles. But he had to admit, what Obi-Wan had said about you not being there set an unease in his gut. You had promised to be there. The planet of Aquim was celebrating the moon cycle, something that reportedly only happened every 20 years. Growing up on a planet of sand with two suns, the thought of a planet of water and two moons was something Anakin couldn’t miss, and had made you promise to come along after your many stories of the planet to him when he was younger.

The crowd around the open hall began to quiet and gather around the center, all looking in the direction of what resembled a long table towards the front, rested atop a small flight of stairs. A man came out, thanking the guests and announcing, “Our dear Duchess is thankful for your attendance, and wishes to thank you all personally.” With that, he stepped aside.

Gasps were heard throughout the hall as a woman dressed in a deep blue dress walked up. The dress was long and free flow, silver shone in small spots all over and two crescent moons sat just on the bosom. Obi-Wan’s eyes widened when he looked into the eyes of the Duchess, your e/c orbs scanning the crowed before you and landing on his own. You smiled softly.

“Thank you, all of you, for joining me in the celebration of the moons.” Anakin looked at Obi-Wan, eyes wide and mouth agape. Padme stood next to him, chuckling, for she had already known where you were and what you were doing. “For those who are visiting us for the first time,” you started again, “I thank you. The celebration of the Moons is a very important affair for my people. On this day every 20 years, our dear Moons Effie and Cyrus meet in the sky together and embrace. It is their love that allow our planet to function. Our tides are a key part to our way of living, and our dear moons control them and the water itself. Without them, we would not have the life we graciously live today.” You stopped, waiting for the applause to quiet down, before continuing. “This day is not only to celebrate the Moons, however. We are here today to also choose a new leader, one that has been touched by moonlight and has been chosen to lead us for the next 20 years. I have had the gracious responsibility of leading you all, but I’m afraid it is time for me to step down.”

With that, you stepped to the side, and a new girl took your place. She greeted the people before her and assumed the role of duchess. You smiled as the festivities started to truly begin and made your way to the east side of the hall, where you saw your companions waiting for you.

“Y/n! You look great! And you’re a duchess?” Anakin exclaimed, running up and grasping your waist and spinning you around in a hug. You laughed and hugged him back as he sent you down. Padme walked up to you and hugged you as well, squeezing you lightly in a way to show she was proud. “Thank you, really. I had been waiting for the next festival for a while so I could do this. Being a Jedi and a duchess is hard work, you know.” You joked, waving the two off as you made your way towards Obi-Wan. He eyed you slightly as you got closer, your smile still present on your lips. “So, a duchess?” He questioned, handing you a drink. You nodded in thanks and took a sip. “Yes,” you hummed, leaning your shoulder against his own. “And here I thought you bailed on me and stayed home.” Obi-Wan joked, looking down to look at your face. He couldn’t help the feelings that blossomed in his gut seeing you in such a beautiful dress, and the lovely look you gave him as you noticed his staring.

“Think you can cover me really quick?” Obi-Wan shouted, droid bomb in hand. You nodded and moved from your position, firing at any droid nearby and drawing any fire to yourself. Obi-Wan tossed the bomb, the electricity taking down a relatively large group of droids, making the perfect opening. Leaping from your hiding spot you drew your saber and started cutting down the remaining droids that surrounded you. Obi-Wan joined you and covered your back, spinning his own saber and cutting down the droids.

A sharp pain shot through your thigh as you failed to block a blast, but you bit back the yelp in your throat and continued your defense, pushing away some droids that got too close with your force. “They don’t seem to be stopping, Obi!” You yelled, looking over your shoulder to find him fully surrounded. You ran towards the group and slammed into a droid with your body, the light metal still strong enough to cause a bruise. Obi-Wan ducked as you swung your saber over his head, throwing it as it spun and sliced through three droids. “Is that your way of saying we should retreat?” Obi-Wan jeered, swiping at the legs of a droid. Another blast hits your shoulder as you force your lightsaber back into your hands. Holding back the pain, you reply, “I suppose so. You don’t see anyone else here to help us, do you?” He nods in response, blocking a few more blasts before grabbing your arm and pulling you deeper into the trees.

You ran as far as you could, as much as your leg would allow you at least. Branches snapped under your feet and you were dragged through the brush, holding tightly to the sleeve of Obi-Wan’s robe and his hand stayed wrapped around your wrist. The sound of droids had faded and so had your strength, and you started to slow down, pulling Obi-Wan with you.

“We can’t stop now, y/n. We need to find the ship and get out of here,” he said, tightening his grip and pulling you along. You trudged behind and then felt your leg give out, tossing you to the earth. Obi-Wan turned quickly and knelt by you, still holding your wrist. “Yeah, I’m not sure I’ll be doing that at this moment, Obi.” You stated, sitting up and examining your injuries. Obi-Wan’s eyes widened as he took realization that you had been injured. He looked quickly between your shoulder and thigh, where your main wounds were. He saw the blood drip from your chin from your fall, and the small cuts you had sustained from the thorns found throughout the plants you had run through. He sighed as he looked into your eyes, fatigue evident as well as pain. “Why didn’t you say something about these earlier, I would have helped you with this,” he questioned, still glancing between your wounds and the area around. You looked over him as well, taking note of the light burn marks and cuts to his own body. “Didn’t have much time to think about it, with running away from killer bots and all.” You joked, a slight smile on your lips. Obi-Wan scoffed as his lips twitched slightly, moving to help you stand. “Yeah, well we’ll have plenty of time to mull that over when we get to the ship, if there is one still there.” He said, looking in the direction of the setting sun.

You grasped his arm as you limped along, watching your step to avoid falling over a root or some other obstacle. The pain throbbing through your body now with each step, your grip on his arm tightened. Obi-Wan took notice of the growing pain and knew that dragging you around was only causing you more pain, but the idea of picking you up and carrying you around made a heat rise to his cheeks. He had struggled more than once in the past few months with his ever-growing feelings for you, which had come from years prior to your Padawan time. You were close, but he didn’t know if you were close enough for it not to be weird if he picked you up bridal style. Pushing the feeling away and trying to calm his now racing heartbeat, he stopped walking and turned to you. You looked up at him curiously and made a small yelp when he swung his arm under your legs and held you against his chest, not saying a word as he continued walking ahead, holding you close.

The ship was finally in sights nearly an hour later, untouched. Obi-Wan sighed a breath of relief; medical supplies were a must in their current situation. He looked down to check on you, your eyes fluttered shut and a calm look across your face; you had become exhausted from the battle and wounds. He held you tighter to him as he started moving quicker to the ship, placing you in the copilot seat when he got in. He searched the compartments for bacta patches and bandages, finding them towards the back of the ship. “Really should have these placed elsewhere,” he mumbled to himself, carrying the pack back up to the cockpit, where you sat awake from the change of atmosphere.

“You’ll have to take off your robe so I can take a look at your shoulder, y/n.” Obi-Wan said quietly, feeling his cheeks heat slightly as if he just asker you to take your top off. You nodded slowly and shrugged the robe off, trying to roll your sleeve up to give him more room to work. Obi-Wan looked closely at the wound, the surrounding skin burnt and red, but the main wound relatively clean from blood since the blasters were pure light and heat. “That bad?” you quipped; breath fanning past Obi-Wan’s ear. He shivered slightly as he noticed just how close he was to your face, turning slightly to look into your eyes. Your cheeks were lightly dusted with pink, whether it was from pain or something else, Obi-Wan had no time to figure it out. He quickly looked back down and began cleaning the area. “This will sting, but it shouldn’t be too bad,” he warned, bacta patch in hand. “Says you,” you started before hissing at the contact. Burying you head into the crook of his neck, you gasped as the cooling agent began making its way through your shoulder, numbing it and making the pain slowly fade. “I told you,” Obi-Wan breathed, gliding his hand up and down your back.

His next target was the nasty shot that was present on your thigh. It was nasty, in Obi-Wan’s opinion. He cleaned the dirt a dried blood from it, unmoving each time your nails dug into his shoulder in pain. Once cleaned, Obi-Wan was able to really examine the damage. The hit went deep, multiple layers of skin had been burned and there was a spot that kept bleeding, so the bacta patch would have to come later. He looked up at your eyes from his knelt position, a knit between his brows. “We’ll have to get you some professional medical attention to this one, but I think I can stabilize it until we get there.” He said, grabbing gauze, bandages, and burn gel. A slight chuckle left your lips as you looked down at him, causing him to meet your eyes once again. “You mean you aren’t a doctor? Maker what else are you hiding?” You joked, placing a soft hand onto his shoulder to stabilize yourself. Obi-Wan’s cheeks flushed at the last statement, which didn’t go unnoticed by you. He quickly wrapped up your thigh and began taking out a small bandage for your chin.

“I’m sure I don’t need all that Obi-Wan,” you said, sitting up. He said nothing as he took out the bandage and swiftly hooked his fingers under your chin, lifting your head slightly so he could get to the small gash. Your face felt hot, a sudden flash from a sudden action. He quickly placed the bandage and lowered your chin slowly, thumb resting on the side of your chin. The air grew hot as you looked into his blue eyes, watching his pupils dilate and widen at thoughts that ran through his mind. You felt his other hand rest lightly on your hip, the one holding your chin moving up to cup your cheek. His breath fanned and mixed with your own as he leaned closer, stopping when your noses began to touch. You felt your lips part as your eyes fluttered closed, the action granting him permission to close the gap.

Slowly opening your eyes, you squint. The golden glow was bright enough to make your eyes hurt if you stared too long. You stretched your legs first. The soothing motion sending small cracks up your legs from your toes. You sigh in relief and look around at your surroundings. Trees rustle softly as a faint breeze moves by, causing something to tickle your cheek. With a small huff you turn your head, greeted by soft auburn locks, now golden in the sunrise.

With his head on your shoulder, Obi-Wan slept peacefully. The golden light shining on his every feature. You examined him, careful not to wake him up. His cheeks had soft freckles dusted randomly around, easily seen in the gentle light. You could see how his lashes curled and rested as he slept, envious of their volume and length. His hair seemed almost pure gold, hints of soft strawberry blonde highlights. You wanted to run your fingers through it, feel how soft they were. Your mind wanders to what you were doing before you found yourself asleep on this bench with Obi-Wan.

You sighed, watching the sun set calmly as you worked through your thoughts. Many things were going on within the order that you couldn’t keep track of. It made your head spin thinking about it and you had excused yourself from the meeting a bit early, wandering to a garden outside to calm down. It wasn’t just the ordeals of the order that made you feel overwhelmed. Your own mind had started to betray you, thoughts that went against everything you were floating into it as you did your daily activities. Many of these thoughts were of one thing in particular; your own feelings. The Jedi rule strictly said no attachments, and you understood why completely, but you couldn’t help it. The bonds you had made throughout your time were unbreakable, including the one you had made with Obi-Wan, the center of your thoughts. He was your closest bond. You’d hate to say that you loved him.

It was against the rules, and against Obi-Wan. He worked long and hard to get to where he was, and you just knew that he wouldn’t throw that away. You sighed, resting against the back of the bench. The warm breeze cooled your skin and helped still your thoughts. You closed your eyes and cleared your head, practicing the closest thing to mediation in your state.

“Would you like some company?” A smooth and calming voice sounded behind you. You tilted your head back and opened your eyes, looking up into the dazzling blue of Obi-Wan’s. The sunset showed small flecks of gold in his eyes, only visible in the golden hours of the day. You smiled softly and nodded, shifting slightly on the bench. Obi-Wan smiled in return and walked around the bench to sit beside you, hands in his lap. You sat in silence for a moment before Obi-Wan sighed. “What is on your mind, y/n?” He asked, looking over at you. You looked down at your hands, hoping to avoid his stare. You thought of what to say, unable to find the right words to explain your thoughts and feelings now. Obi-Wan knew not to peer into your mind for the answers and allowed you to mull over your words. “I’m not quite sure, if I’m to be honest with you?” You started. “There’s so much going on right now, with the order, with me. I’m not sure what it is.” Obi-Wan hummed at your response placing his hand on his chin and lightly stroking his beard. He looked like he belonged in this moment, encapsulated in golden light. You watched him as he thought, taking in his features. “What about you? Is there something on your mind?” You interrupted, unsure if you wanted him breaking down your response and learning about your deepest problems at that time. You could see his lips twitch up at the change of perspective, and he looked over at you once again.

“A couple of things. Some of it is the missions ahead, some are a bit more personal.” He stated a soft smile on his lips. You nodded in response and looked back down at your hands, unsure as to what to do next. Obi-Wan continued. “The one thing that is on my mind right now, though? It’s about you.” You felt your cheeks warm at his statement. You weren’t sure how to feel about it, was it because you left the meeting early, or because you were sitting here, on a bench, unable to tell him what was on your mind? You looked up at him, unsure what to say. “You seem distracted, distressed even.” He continued, “I hate seeing you like this. I miss the smile you always have, and the happy look and skip in your step. That is what’s on my mind.”

You felt your cheeks grow even more warm. Knowing that your whole demeanor had changed because you were caught up in your thoughts, that it was noticeable. You felt ashamed that you didn’t hide it better. A long pause sounded between the two of you, your mind racing as you tried to find the words. “It’s just, I don’t know. There’s this thing that’s bothering me, it’s a big thing.” You began. “Jedi should have no attachment, yeah? Do you…follow those rules?” You asked, brows furrowed as you looked over at him. You saw his eyes squint slightly and move away as he thought. “It is the Jedi way, yes. But I always thought about that part. It’s impossible to avoid those kinds of things, so I suppose that not everyone follows the rules to that extent.” He replied, turning slightly towards you. You nodded, “Of course. Well, I suppose that is my problem then. The whole attachment thing. I can’t seem to shake my feelings. “This time, it was Obi-Wan’s turn to nod. “And your feelings, do they bother you?” You chuckled and looked at him, “Therapy session with Obi-Wan?” You joked, but he didn’t smile. He kept his gaze on you. A pause, and you were back to fumbling with your words. “I suppose they do. The rules forbid it, but I can’t shake them. And I can’t ask someone to throw it all away for something like this.”  You sighed, placing your head into your hands. You felt Obi-Wan’s hand contact your back, rubbing soothing circular motions across your spine. With your head still in your hands, you bit the bullet and spilled. “I can’t just ask you…- “You breathed unsure as to where to go from there. You felt his hand still, and you were sure that he was ready to leave your side right there. But you never felt his presence leave.

“You wouldn’t have to ask, you know.” He said quietly. You lifted your head and looked up at him, his face glowing with the last rays of the setting sun. His soft smile calmed your every nerve, and you felt his hand take your own shaky one. His other hand lifted and cupped your cheek, bringing you closer and allowing him to rest his forehead to your own. “There’s not much we can do here, but just know that I’m here, with you.” He whispered, his last words fading with the final ray of sunlight.

Looking at him now, the soft snores that left his lips and the slow rise of his chest. You knew that it wasn’t the most comfortable position, but he had slept that way the whole time. His hand still holding your own, thumb brushing over your knuckles as he slept. You knew he had to get up and get out of yesterdays clothes, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. Instead, you smiled and placed your head on top of his once again, watching the sun rise slowly until he stirred. His eyes fluttered open and his blue orbs becoming illuminated by the morning light. He squeezed your hand as he stretched, a yawn leaving his lips.

    He felt himself being pulled the same way towards your quarters and he snapped back to the present, already walking towards you. He always found comfort in you, the way you talked always made him feel better about things that troubled him. Perhaps that was why he was at your door, just moments from knocking when you slid it opened.

     Your eyes widened when you locked eyes with Obi-Wan. You hadn’t expected him to be outside your door at this hour. You hadn’t expected anyone, which was why you were leaving your quarters silently. “Hey there,” you breathed, looking around the hall. Obi-Wan nodded quickly, stuttering out a greeting. He felt confused. Why was he at your door, and why were you trying to leave you room at this hour, at the same time he was outside? “I was…actually going to see if you were awake, strangely.” You squinted, a surprised yet questioning tone in your voice. “As was I, really.”

     You moved to the side, inviting him in. He hurriedly walked in and began pacing your room. You watched intently, curious as to why he was here. “Were you unable to sleep, again?” You asked, taking a seat on the edge of your bed. Obi-Wan’s thoughts wondered slightly, wondering if he would be able to open up to you on the matter. Your eyes were welcoming, if not a bit red. It looked as if you had been crying. Obi-Wan began to think that perhaps, maybe, your thoughts were getting to you as well. The two of you had always been close, closer than the rest of the Padawans. When they went out on missions with their masters, you always found time to still be with Obi-Wan, whose master kept him in the temple, meditating and performing the basic training time and time again.

     He moved to sit on the other side of your bed, fumbling with his hands. He found the silence comforting, soothing even. It felt as if he didn’t need to say anything to feel heard by you. You moved around and sat behind him, resting your head on his shoulder. “What’s on your mind?” Your words seemingly coaxed him to speak. “I fell…conflict. What if I’m not on the right path? We’ve been taught about the force and stuff our whole lives. I’ve studied it, learned it and memorized it. But it feels…out of reach?” You nodded into his shoulder. “Like you’re not connected. Like a feeling you can’t figure out.” It was Obi-Wan’s turn to nod. You understood him. “It feels bad. Watching our friends be so connected to it, like second nature. Feels unfair, which in turn makes you feel like a bad person, wanting them to at least know that you don’t feel the connection like they do.” Obi-Wan felt his chest swell. You had the same problems. Unable to trust your own feelings and what you felt was the Force. You were both there for a reason, to become Jedi and help those who couldn’t help themselves, yet unable to find the key to achieving that. The Force was what made Jedi, well, Jedi. If you couldn’t trust it, follow where it led you, then could you ever really help others?

     The silence between the two of you felt comforting still, maybe a hint of sadness. Obi-Wan learned the reason behind finding you at your door, ready to leave, red eyed and surprised. He could feel his own tears well up in his eyes, only falling when he felt your own soak into his shirt. For once, he didn’t feel alone knowing that he couldn’t feel the Force the way he was supposed to. He felt accepted in a way, sad that you were feeling the same way, yet happy that he had someone who understood his own feelings. You were able to put into words something that he could only feel yet not explain. He shuffled in place, slowly turning to face you. Your silent tears and sorrowful face made his heart hurt, not knowing that his own teary eyes and sad frown made you feel the same way.

      He shuffled you towards the head of the bed, where he could lean his back against the wall comfortably as he held you in his arms. He didn’t care that his shirt was now wet with tears, and even lightly chuckled as you sniffed heavily as to not get snot on him. “Do you think our masters ever felt this way? Sad and afraid that they wouldn’t achieve their Jedi status?” You asked softly, lightly burrowing your face into the crook of his neck. Surely, they did, early on as Padawans, such as Obi-Wan and you were. Obi-Wan had a hard time seeing Qui-Gon curled up on his bed, silently crying as his mind filled with doubts. It seemed unnatural, yet not unlikely. “Maybe.”

    He heard you chuckle lightly yet felt the frown on your lips grow. “I feel awful.” He understood, of course, and rubbed circles on your back as you continued. “I hate that I wished I wasn’t alone. That someone else felt this pain and fear. Doubt. But I wouldn’t want the others to feel like this. They’re our friends, yet I wished they felt just as bad as I did.” Obi-Wan felt more tears fall from your eyes, your hands balling into fists with parts of his shirt between them. “I wish you didn’t feel this way either, Obi-Wan. I wished to not be alone and I find you the same way. You deserve more than this, deserve to feel the Force just as strongly as Master Yoda, even stronger really. I feel bad about that, mostly.” You shook as you cried harder, hating that you weren’t alone with these feelings. Obi-Wan hated it as well; the guilt that you had thinking that only you should have this pain. “I could say the same, for you. I didn’t want to be alone with these thoughts, but it felt wrong.” He sympathized. He felt his body shake lightly as he cried into you. “Its sickening.” You whisper.

     Obi-Wan held you as you both cried. He never expected it to go this way. What had he expected, really? That you would bestow wisdom onto him? You were only a Padawan, same as him. Perhaps, he thought, you would have let him sit in your room in silence as you meditated, much like Qui-Gon might have. Yet you didn’t, you had felt his feelings and reciprocated them, helping him understand what he felt. You helped him know that he wasn’t alone, no matter what his mind told him. This interaction, this meeting in the late hours of the night, felt natural. Obi-Wan thought that maybe, just maybe, the Force had something to do with it. Perhaps it wanted him to work through it with someone, two birds with one stone if he thought about it.