fangirling sloth

This perhaps made me laugh way too hard..

all i ever think about is how birds are dinosaurs 

is this bird dubstep

[four second long fart noise]

The pizza guy is like wtf

I wanna go to a movie with you and do inappropriate things in the back row 

like sneak in candies and soda

and put our feet on the back of people’s chairs

@ ppl with small purses: where do you keep your 70 lbs of trash

masturbate more like masturgreat ha u feel me 

no, no one feels you, that’s why you’re masturbating. 

why are people so impressed with kangaroo pouches? oh wow, an animal has a built-in place to store things. you ever heard of a butthole

maybe one day I’ll be cool enough to hang out with someone who uses a film camera and they’ll take a photo of me sitting in the passenger seat of their car and I’ll be laughing candidly enough for my eyes to be closed and they’ll let me use that photo as my profile picture on facebook