DESPAIR?

HE WAS NOT DEAD YET, NOT EXACTLY — parts of him were dead already, certainly other parts were still only waiting for something to happen, something grand, but it isn’t always about me, he keeps saying, though he’s talking about the only heart he knows... he could build a city. has a certain capacity. there’s a niche in his chest where a heart would fit perfectly and he thinks if he could just maneuver one into place... well then, GAME OVER. 

     Zealous  ambition reigned over emotional reticence as Naegi awaited the other’s response, hands lifting in mute apology for his  spirited  reaction when Kamukura made a move of retreat.  Brows drew inward with earnest  repentance  and pre-emptively was a plea for forgiveness  hastily  formulated but to his  good fortune, his overt enthusiasm hadn’t dissuaded his acquaintance from replying. In spite of the perceptible trepidation, Kamukura seemed willing to entertain his question and provide a little more  insight  to his  amnesic  state. As vague as the proffered recollection was, a little information was  categorically  better than none at all.

      EVEN THE MOST TRIVIAL OF DETAILS HAD THE POTENTIAL TO MEAN SOMETHING MORE.           ANYTHING COULD HAVE HELPED HIM BUILD A BETTER CASE FOR THE REMNANT OF DESPAIR !    

     The  feeble  speech patterns and mannerisms couldn’t have been further than what anecdotes and warnings had inferred of Kamukura, particularly when tears began to well up in the other’s eyes and shoulders trembled with a  revitalized  sense of despondency. Exerted self-control anchored him to his chair but the  reflexive  temptation to provide support made itself known in its own way –– namely, with an  awkward  shift in his position and a stifled sound that arose from the back of his throat. It had taken a great deal of inner strength not to abide by the will of his heart and provide his  commiseration, to freely spill his sympathies and  weave  promises from the fabric of hope itself. Unfortunately, it was no easy feat to strike a balance between  realistic  prospects and  blind faith. In Kamukura’s current condition, honeyed lies or empty oaths would have done more harm than good.      

     Naegi’s eyes drifted away towards the corner of the room to better  ground  himself, jaw locked as teeth gritted behind closed lips in an attempt to salvage some  poise  and discount his  lively  heartbeat; ultimately, even after a short interlude and several deep breaths, an answer didn’t come to him any easier. Imploring  Kamukura to trust a perfect stranger might have been  absurdly  unreasonable, but he had to try.    

     ❝  I wish that I could say for sure. I know that’s probably what you don’t want to hear right now but you have to believe me when I say that I’m on your side. I know there’s more to you than meets the eye, and I know that there’s good in you. ❞   His attention returned with fortified purpose, confident in his role as the other’s advocate and wholly prepared to communicate his  loyalty  to the underlying cause.   ❝  Some people don’t see it yet but with you telling me all this, I think that it’ll really help reframe their perspective. You  deserve  to be heard and I can give you a  voice  outside of this room. Together, we can get through to them and prove that you’re not some animal that needs to be chained up. It might take some time but we can make them understand. ❞

      NO ONE WAS BEYOND SAVING  &  NO ONE WAS FATED TO WALK ALONG A PATH OF DESTRUCTION.

     In spite of the slightly  melodramatic  monologue, every word was born of truth and his own conviction. Altering the Future Foundation’s existing bias against the Remnants of Despair was an  onerous  task but it wasn’t impossible. With that thought in mind, a sworn pledge was crafted and presented to reward Kamukura’s vulnerability —- a sign of  goodwill  towards their budding partnership and Naegi’s deeply rooted beliefs.      

                         ❝  No one’s  going to hurt you, not if I have anything to say about it..  I  promise. ❞

“i’m scared!” you appeal to his emotions, of course. naegi is gullible and if you keep pushing him, he’s probably going to tell you everything you could ever possible want to know. you look up at him, tears messing up whatever makeup is left on your face. it’s pitiful and demeaning, but you don’t care anymore. your image isn’t the most important thing in the world right now. “please, i just want to know what i did.” 

pretending you remember nothing is optimal in this situation. all your life, you have been viewed as nothing more than a blank slate that people can rebuild in their own image- so of course naegi will think the same if you give him a nudge in the right direction. he is just a man like any other. “i just- i just want to understand. please. please.” slowly but surely you work yourself into what’s near enough a panic attack, sobbing until you feel like you can’t breathe. you’re bored of it already, if you’re quite honest, but what else do you have to do with your time? 

naegi likes the sound of his own voice. he’ll do his best to soothe you. you almost want to stop trying to predict what’s going to happen next because it’s so easy, so tiresome, but you need to be the one in control of the situation if you want to secure the desired outcome. you can’t just switch off, not just yet. 

you want to him to get closer. you want him to come near you already so you can hurry up and SNAP. 

“i’m sorry?” you have no idea what he’s talking about, and you can’t help but wrack your brain trying to think of what it could possibly be about. you were not mad at souda yesterday. you have not been mad at souda in a good while, and yet you are quite curious to hear this supposed list. he is a good friend. if anyone else said something like this to you, you would shrug it off, call it implausible. you believe it, coming from him. he’s anxious like that. 

of course, you don’t let him explain further. “i was not mad at you.” you state, very clearly so that he can’t misinterpret it. you rest a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it gently because he’s done that to you before and it might provide some levity. “i will not pretend to understand why you thought i was, but i was not. do not waste your time.” 

- What is your Full name? Include any maiden names, aliases, or nicknames.

- When is your birthday? Do you know where you were born and at what time?

- What is your star sign? Do you know your Chinese Zodiac too?

- What is your earliest memory that you can remember?

- Where was your childhood home? Was it more urban or rural?

- How was your childhood in general? Did your parents treat you well? Did you have a lot of friends?

- How was/is school? What is your favorite and least favorite subjects? What were your grades on average?

- Did you have a best friend growing up? What was their name? Are you still in touch?

- Were you in any cliques?

- Best childhood memory you can recall?

- Worst childhood memory you can recall?

- Name an event in your childhood that has shaped you into the person you are today

- What is the dumbest thing you have ever done to impress someone? Were they impressed or was it all for naught?

- Did you ever have any sweethearts or lovers? Do you have a boy/girlfriend?

- Are you a virgin?

- Do you ever plan on getting married in your life? Do you want kids?

- Would you rather have your own kids or adopt? How many kids would you want?

- Do you think you'd be a protective parent or a relaxed parent?

- How would you prefer to pass away? Surrounded by loved ones and at peace, or while doing something heroic?

- Generally, how healthy are you? Do you get sick or injured easily or are you fit?

- Have you ever been badly injured before?

- What is the worst injury you have ever gotten? What was it and how did it happen? Were you ever close to death?

- How many times have you been to the hospital/doctor's?

- Have you ever had a concussion or brain injury? Have you ever had amnesia?

- What was the worst illness you ever contacted? Do you know what it was? How long were you sick?

- Ever had any extended hospital stays? What for?

- Have you ever had to give yourself or someone else emergency first aid? What happened?

- Are you employed? Where do you work and who do you work for? What do you do?

- Are you happy with your current job?

- Did you have any previous jobs? What were they and what did you do?

- Most dangerous thing you have ever done?

- Do you consider yourself a more active person or a more relaxed person?

- What is your dream come true? How about your worst nightmare?

- What is the biggest and most important goal you have set for yourself?

- How persistent would you say you are? How much does it take to get you to give up on a task?

- Would you surrender yourself to your enemies or fight to the very end?

- When do you usually do your shopping? What is currently on your shopping list?

- Top three things on your wishlist?

- Currently, what is something you want but do not need?

- Do you like shopping? What is your favorite thing to shop for?

- What is the most expensive thing you have purchased? Was it worth it?

- What would you do if you were suddenly given one billion dollars out of the blue?

- What would you describe your style of clothing as?

- Do you have any hobbies? Name all of them if you can.

- Do you like and appreciate art? What is your favorite piece of artwork?

- Do you like music? What is your favorite style of music?

- Have you ever seen any musicals? What is your favorite?

- What are your top three favorite animals? What would you say your "Patronus" or "Spirit Animal" is?

- What are your top three favorite colors?

- What is your favorite season? Do you prefer hotter or colder weather? Do you like snow at all?

- What kind of flavors do you prefer: Sweet, Sour, Bitter, Spicy, Dry, or Umami (savory meat taste)?

- Can you cook at all?

- What is your favorite dish? Can you prepare it? Do you have the recipe handy?

- What is your favorite fruit and vegetable?

- What is your favorite dessert? What is your favorite type of candy/treat?

- What is the best thing you have ever had the opportunity to eat? What is the worst?

- Do you like to drink tea or coffee? Any favorite flavors?

- Describe your sense of humor.

- What is one thing you are justly proud of?

- Do you have any religious beliefs? If not, have you ever been to a church service?

- What would you say is the worst thing someone has done to you? What is the meanest thing someone has ever said to you?

- What is the worst thing you have done to someone? What is the meanest thing you have said to anyone?

- Share the latest entry in your diary/journal.

- What is the most precious thing you own? Is it valuable at all?

- Talk about someone you know. It can be someone you either like or dislike.