~poetry and clumsy little farmer thoughts~

I'd like to call 2019-me and tell her to watch the news. Oh, right she's actually doing that. Two years ago we were all about 10 years younger. Since then a lot has happened in Austria. And I could have never predicted that I would be in this place that I am in today two years ago, sitting on my couch naked, drinking champagne, watching the republic fall. Decadence has always been my thing. And this weekend has been decadent writingwise. I typed out 10.000 completely new words, 2k of that a pretty epic, wholesome sexscene THAT WAS NOT PLANNED! Actually, I now see how almost nothing in this book has been planned out and I can see it becoming pretty long. It will be heartwrenching and dark as my protagonist tries to figure out who she is amidst a love triangle - on one side a guy who she can't grasp, on the other side a guy she isn't allowed to love. Ah, the drama. And at the same time, I'm scared. This was not planned. I knew I wanted to write that story, but I actually wouldn't allow myself to - well, because I had too many other projects. A dooming thing on the horizon is my vampire novella, which I want to release by September. And I actually wanted to write a christmas story. Might just wing it, like I did the Halloween story last year. In the end, it might all work out anyway, but then I am in hell's kitchen of an endless release cycle, because you can't just put out part one of a series, you have to have the next part ready ... why, oh why do I always end up writing series instead of standalones? Would be easier... There's so much I want to figure out and I know in the end it will all work out how it should, but god, the anxiety is so strong. And there is literally no reason to be scared. NONE.

So I had this idea spooking around in my head since last summer. And it's quite logical, if I dive deep into a thing, I want to write about it. So, Dark Academia has been a lifeline last year. I said, I want to finish Uni for good in fall of 2019. So I went back and took classes in philosophy and psychology and enjoyed the hell out of it. I loved being back, scribbling notes on paper, discussing the topics we just learned about after class, sitting in the old staircases, drinking iced chai tea from the Kaffeeküche at Schottentor. The air in the Arkadenhof getting crisp. Heading straight to Uni after work, eating a bit before heading into class. Fast-forward to beginning of March 2020: I am in the midst of preparing for three exams, having a panic attack because I am so sure I will fail these and boom, there's an email "Sorry earth is closed. And so is Uni." Welp. All summer I was writing online exams in my underwear on my couch. Best case scenario. Nights I spend deathscrolling through tumblr and the dark academia tag. It gave me life. It gives me life. it truly is my aesthetic, even though I use a Kindle and don't have a secret library in my flat. I collect hamsters, not books. My wardrobe ranges from slutty schoolgirl to big tiddie goth girl and that's okay. The slutty schoolgirl is somewhat dark academia, isn't it? I'm rambling. Sorry. So I felt the need to give back. This community is wholesome, at least to me. And while reading the classics is cool and all, I guess people need new material once in a while as well. And I feel like this will be giving back to the community that helped me get my degree. And no, it will not be The Secret History. It will be more diverse. And very gay at some points. And very sexy. Because let's be real, I write smut. So, today I have finally started a dark academia smut novella about a student having an affair with her professor. Nothing to see here, please disperse. After all, I checked Goodreads and that genre is raving! And here I thought it would be controversial to write about that, because you know... ah well, I guess it's okay if it's in a book, but not in real life. So this weekend is blocked off for writing that thing, I am already 3000 words in, hope to be by 15k on Sunday night. And this is completely off schedule. Right now, the only person to disappoint myself is me, but I actually have a lot of other books planned and also set release dates - nothing public yet, but I know what to achieve by the end of this year. But then I also thought, hey, you will never find time to write this story - or rather, these stories, if you don't make the time. You have your vampire series, you have the rockstar romance books, you have that other vampire series and the four romance novels hiding under your bed, wondering if you will ever release them. Yes. The time will be next year, I promise. But first, I need to refill my well and write what makes my heart ache. Because this does in the sweetest way. And I want it out of my system before fall - because I already am tempted by the thought of enrolling again. Watch me.

When the news anchor you not so secretly have a crush on quotes Goethe

- A Nazi Artist made up a goddess for Bad Gastein and created a statue. Again, nobody thinks that’s weird.

me talking to my best friend about my crush, already knowing EXACTLY what she’s gonna say