βi donβt control where the inspiration comes from,β he shrugged, but alex caught him. how was he going to explain himself? he didnβt exactly have a validΒ excuse, butΒ βhey i canβt actually make a mural because itβd be kind of awkward to just have your face on a wall twenty timesβ didnβt sound like normal behavior either. there was a reason alex had never seen his sketchbook, and hopefully never would.Β ββ¦ the things i draw arenβt fit to go on a wall.β that was vague enough without being a lie, and it would hopefully stop any future questions from alex. it was hard enough to keep things private, he didnβt need to have his friend prying without mercy at all times. they respected each otherβs boundaries enough to know when to quitΒ β and parker signalled his with pleading eyes and a pout. or, in a very severe case, he got snappy, but that didnβt happen very often, luckily.Β βyou donβt invite me.β well, that was a vicious circle, wasnβt it? parker didnβt join alex because alex never asked, and alex knew he would decline, so he didnβt ask. but standing next to his very muscular and very intimidating roommate with the way he was? wouldnβt do his self-confidence much good. but he felt bad. so he put down the carton of milk he was holding to pour into the bowl of batter, and reached out to touch alexβ shoulder.Β βyou know itβs not that. of course i like you.β
the classic itβs not you, itβs meΒ thing. parker was starting to become a clichΓ©, and he hated it. but what else could he say to ease alexβ obvious tension? not much, not without revealing everything. he just decided to drop the comment about the buckets of money, because the topic made him feel awkward as always.Β βwell, if we ever need anything from them, itβs good to know theyβreβ¦β he was going to say niceΒ again, but that clearly wasnβt working.Β βtheyβll have our backs. likeβ¦ what if we run out of milk for this batter? and you canβt have any pancakes? and since youβre probably not going to the store either, weβll have to ask them. and i donβt think theyβd be inclined to lend us some if weβre not nice.β he was basically talking crap now rambling endlessly, because his mind was working overtime. an oasis, that was exactly how he thought of their apartment too. so why, pray tell, did alex keep bringing other people in here? parker did it once, to help out harley. he was hesitant to bring friendsΒ here, afraid they might ruin the comfort of the space or, god forbid, comment on their dynamic. and for godβs sake, did he have to talk about his ass? because there was no way parker was going to be able to keep a straight face and also not look. he was trying very hard, but he was pretty sure his entire face was red now.Β βyeahββ he managed to choke out, having already retreated his hand to semi-steadily pour the stupid milk into the stupid bowl.Β βthatβs good. i meanβ¦ you know i donβt mind making you food that much.β especially if he kept complimenting parker while he worked in the kitchen, or the way his eyes basically rolled back when he was enjoying his food.Β βhey! ouch. parker and alex and a spatula, i see. please put that away, youβre a menace. iβll trust you with the chocolate chips, but the spatula has to be earned.β
as grouchy as he was about the whole topic, alex knew enough to drop it. he always dropped it, for better or for worse, never pursued the art topic. he wasnβt a total asshole. but he did wonder, some days, what would happen if he finally gave up and pushed, didnβt let parker dart off with his tail between his legs for once. it was just a sketchbook, how world ending could it possibly be. whatever.Β β i donβt invite you because you always say no, β he fired back petulantly instead, a topic he could actually push on without feeling bad.Β β a mans ego can only take so much. β once he had caught on to the fact his bestfriend was always going to shoot him down heβd stopped asking, because all it succeeded in doing was ruin his mood and make the atmosphere of the apartment awkward for the rest of the day.Β β whatever. i just go with zeke now, β he brushed off more flippantly than he felt, ducking the extended arm slightly. if parker was allowed to have topics he could be a weirdly touchy little shit about so could he.
he could just funnel his obvious displeasure into the neighbors.Β β youβre fighting a losing battle here man, β and alex could tell parker knew it too with the way he was rambling and grasping for straws.Β β people are never going to find me friendly, or even remotely tolerable. and i honestly donβt care. β fuck everyone else, itβs not like he needed them. and he truly didnβt care, it was one of his less ... desirable traits. why should he need to be involved in other peoples shit, that was their problem. besides,Β Β β thatβs why i have you. the better half, the nicer one, the one that can go get a cup of sugar from dear old granny. βΒ for all that parker was anxious, he was a better people person than alex was ever going to be. all his own charm was superficial, put on to get what he wanted. parker was charming because he was just genuinely nice. it made alex hopelessly fond and roll his eyes at the same time. ugh. dropping the spatula as ordered β because he would actually like to get a taste of those pancake, thanks β he started to idly make patterns in the escaped flour on the counter.Β β fine. if youβre so nice then, whatβs the first step in this whole pancake thing, wise teacher. iβm supposed to be learning the forgotten art of mixing batter, if i recall. β