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Part 5: I will always be here

I finally took the tray and walked to the room where Justin was sleeping. I placed it on the empty side of the bed then sat on my knees next to him. “Justin.” I softly shook him.

“Baby wake up.” I shook him.

“Hmm.” He hummed.

“Wake up, breakfast is ready.” I said smiling. He opened one eye then smiled when he saw the tray.

“You’re the best.” He said with his raspy morning voice.

“I know I am now get up to eat.” I joked.

He giggled and sat down. “But damn, if I knew that going to the hospital will make you bring me breakfast in bed I would have went a long time ago.” He teased.

“Don’t dare say that.” I sighed. “ I was so scared.” I looked down at my hands.

“Baby I was joking.” He held my hands in his so I looked up at him. “I never want to see you scared or shaking like that again.”

“Then you should never scare me like that again.” I said pushing his chest jokingly.

He chuckled and nodded “I won’t.” I pecked my forehead making me smile. “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” He said caressing my cheek. I leaned down on his hand and shut my eyes enjoying his touch. “I love you so much baby.”

“I love you too.” I breathed out. I opened my eyes when I felt his moist lips pressed on mine then closed them again and kissed back. I formed my arms around his neck as he formed his around my waist and pushed me closer to sit on his lap.

We kept kissing for about five minutes then pulled away and pressed our forehead together.

“Did you see how people react?” He asked.

“No, and I don’t want you to because I am just happy that you told everyone how you feel and I honestly give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of you.” I said.

“Yes but-” He started.

I interrupted him saying “no buts. Who loves you will support you and just like you said, you want to be sane and nothing should stop you. You aren’t an object to be there for people for them to take pictured of you. You are a human and everyone should know that. Of course there is people that won’t understand whom are selfish as fuck and don’t love you but there is people that will understand and support you because they care about your health more than anything which should matter the most.” I said.

I watched him smiling at me like what I said is exactly what he needed to hear to make him smile again. “All you have to do now is work on yourself like the doctor said yesterday.” I added and he nodded softly.

“I know I don’t say this a lot but I really appreciate you being by my side and always there when I need you.”

“I will always be here for you people.” I smiled.

“I love you.” He said.

“I love you more.” I said.

“Impossible.”

“Nope.”

“Stop.”

“Nope. I love you more!” I said.

He giggled and pecked my lips. “You’re everything to me. Please never leave me.” He said, caressing my cheek.

Part 4: Exercises

I smiled and pecked his lips just when the door open and a doctor came in.

“So how are you now, Mr Bieber.” The doctor smiled as he got closer to us.

“Please call me Justin.” Justin said. “And I’m feeling better.”

“I heard you wanted to go home.” The doctor said as he checked something in a paper.

“Yes. I don’t want to stay here.” Justin said. Even though I begged him to stay here and make sure he is fine and ready to leave. Justin being the stubborn person he is, wanted to leave.

“Then you have to follow a couple conditions if you are going to leave here.” He said then looked up at us.

“I will.” He nodded.

The doctor chuckled. “at least as me first what are them!” He joked making me giggle and making Justin smile.

“I will do anything.” He said.

“Seems like you really hate hospitals huh?” He said and Justin nodded. “Okay well...the conditions aren’t so hard to follow. All you have to do is exercises how to deal with them panic attacks. As everyone in this world see, since your come back,” He quoted with his fingers making us both laugh. “You’ve been working hard and this is just not good because pressure is the worst thing you should do when you have panic disorder to deal with. I’m not saying not to work at all but try as hard as you can to get away from anything that makes you feel pressed.” Thee doctor said. “Do you have any idea what it is?”

“Fans.” I said when Justin didn’t answer.

“What do you mean fans?”

“His fans are a little crazy around him and it just fears him, you know. He just hates it having a lot of hyped people around him.” I explained myself.

“Well, why don’t you just decide not to be out on public a lot? Or maybe tweet something that alert them about all this.” The doctor suggested and Justin nodded.

“Second thing. When you feel a panic attack coming don’t be scared because it makes it worst for you. When you feel a panic attack make yourself a goal to stop it do not panic more because of it.”

Justin nodded again.

“Okay. Then you’re ready to go.” He smiled at him.

On our way home, he was so calm laying on my chest in the car. I didn’t know what was going on with him but when I asked him he smiled and said nothing. Of course I didn’t believe him but I won’t add onto his plate by being annoying pushing the words of his mouth.

He took off his phone and opened notes then write

If you happen to see me out somewhere know that I’m not gonna take a picture I’m done taking pictures. It has gotten to the point that people won’t even say hi to me or recognize me as a human, I feel like a zoo animal, and I wanna be able to keep my sanity. I realize people will be disappointing but I don’t owe anybody a picture. and people who say “but I got ur album” know that you paid for AN ALBUM! It doesn’t say in fine print whenever you see me you also get a photo. Justin Bieber

(AU: He posted this on insta for real.)

Then he screenshot it and went on Instagram to post it. He looked up at me and I smiled. “Should I?” He softly said.

“Yes.” I nodded, agreeing with everything he is saying.

He sighed and started to read it again. I felt so bad for him to go through this all and on top of all that people don’t understand. I wanted everyone to see him right now and how broken all these people make him. I hated where this fame was taking him.

He finally pressed post and watched people commenting. I took his phone from his hand knowing that there will be some negative ones. He looked up at me. “You don’t have to see what people say! You said what you wanted them to know and that’s what matters, right?”

He nodded emitting a long sigh as if this post took off a weight off his shoulders. Then closed his eyes and hugged closer into me.

Part 3: It’s getting worst

I sighed and finally sat down on the couch. I don’t know why I’m just so scared, it will be fine. Justin isn’t a baby to feel afraid to let him go alone. Staying at the hotel was his idea and I didn’t want to make him think about his panic attacks by telling him that I can’t leave his side so I just let him go alone. Saying that I regret it is something understandable. I shouldn’t have left him go alone and sit here so nervous and worried like that.

I threw my head back and sighed hoping he just does he show and come without anything. I already wish for this tour to be done already because yesterday was enough for me to loose all my patient for the people that do this to him.

I got up and went on twitter. Seeing everyone talking about yesterday’s scene was horrible because the rumors were so much away from what really happened.

“I really hope you all sop with the pressure you put on Justin and open your eyes to see how much you hurt him.” I almost pressed tweet. It took everything in me to not tweet what I wrote thinking what it could do to Justin. I didn’t want him to deal with more drama. I just deleted everything and shut my phone to not see anything that could piss me off and make me me tweet something that I will regret later.

I opened the TV and looked through the channels then shut it when I didn’t find anything interesting. Why the fuck was I so nervous? Everything is going to be alright. Just when I was going to get up to go take a shower to calm me down my phone started to ring. Seeing Mike’s ID made my heart drop. I answered the call.

“YN.” He called. I could hear wind around him and his loud breathing meaning that he was running or walking fast.

“Mike! What’s wrong?” I called but nobody answered and I just heard him yelling hurry to someone. “Mike!” I stood up yelling. I didn’t know what to do and panicking won’t give me the chance to do anything. “Mike. What’s wrong?”

“Justin.” He said through the phone then I heard doors shutting.

“What is happening?” I yelled. “Mike, what happened to Justin?” I screamed. I kept walking around the house not knowing where to go or what to do. I was in a hotel in a country that I visit for the first time in my life.

“He...had a panic attack like yesterday,” He started then I heard another door shutting. the people around him saying go go go. “But this time it was worse and he blacked out.”

“What?” I yelled, widen my eyes.

Then I heard an ambulance siren making my heart skip a few beats. Tears fell down my cheeks.

“WHERE IS HE?” I yelled then ran to the room to get ready.

“e are taking him to a hospital.” Mike.

“Where? Where? Send me the address.” I said. My heart was beating fast and my hands were shaking to the point that I almost dropped my phone twice. I put it on speaker and threw it on the bed.

“You can’t come YN.” He said.

“Mike! Send me the fucking address.” I said taking off my pj and put on a shirt and pants.

“You won’t be able to come alone! At least wait until I take him to the hospital then I will come take you.” He said.

“I am not waiting until you finish. Plus you have to stay by his side so text me the address and I will find a taxi.” I took my phone and started to run out of the room.

“I don’t...know.” He hesitated.

“MIKE I CAN’T LEAVE HIM ALONE!” I yelled. I had a lack of patient for everyone at the moment. I am stupid. I am so stupid to let him go alone. “Mike fucking send me the address or I swear to god I will find it myself.” I said.

“Fine, fine.” He said then paused for awhile. When I heard him asking where they were going I sighed.

I probably looked crazy running out of the building but I didn’t care. I looked on my two sides not knowing where to go to find a taxi.

“Hey, uhm..excuse me?” I tapped on some girl’s shoulder that was standing there next to the hotel. “Do you know where to go to find a taxi?” I asked when she looked at me.

“You have to pass the other way and walk for about five minutes to find the taxis parking area.” She said.

“Okay thank you.” I said then started to walk where she pointed me. I looked at the cars but didn’t care and passed ignoring them honking at me. I ran to the other side then kept walking straight just like this girl told me.

“Okay I sent you the address.” Mike send then my phone vibrated on my ear.

“Okay. Bye.” I said.

“No, stay on the phone until you get in a taxi.” He said and I nodded even though I new he couldn’t see me.

I finally saw a taxi sign which made me hurry to the place. I saw a lot of taxis parking so I walked to one of them. I got in and gave him the address after I hung up with Mike.

When I got there, I forgot that I didn’t have money. “Hey uhm my friend is inside so I will go get money from him.” I said. He hesitated at first but when he saw how scared and worried I am he agreed.

I ran in while looking for Mike’s number. He answered on the second ring. “I’m in the hospital where are you?” I asked.

“Wait, I will come get you.”

I sighed and rubbed my thumbs together while looking right and left hoping for him to be okay. After a few second I saw him walking toward me.

“Where...Where is he?” I straight up asked.

“Calm down. He is okay and awake now. Come I will take you there.” He said.

“No, I didn’t have money to give to the taxi so go give him his money.” I said. “Just tell me what’s his room number?” I impatiently asked.

“672. Second floor.” He said. I nodded and didn’t even wait for him to say anything else, I started to run to the elevator.

I pressed second floor and looked up calling God’s name. When the door opened I hurried out then started to look for the rooms. My heart dropped when I saw his room number on one of the door. I quickly opened the door to find scooter in front of the bed.

“Justin!” I called grabbing everyone’s attention. I ran to his opened arms and hugged him tight.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay.” He said as I shook in his arms. I finally let relives tears down my eyes as he rubbed my back. “Please don’t shake like that.” He said.

I pulled away and wiped my tears. “Are you okay?” I asked him nodding.

He smiled nodding. I shut my eyes and sighed. “You scared the shit out of me.”

He gave me a sorry look as I sighed.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked again. He nodded rubbing my hand. “What happened?”

“It’s getting worst.” He whimpered and looked away.

part 2: They are back

He huffed for the hundred time since we got in the car. I understand that he was nervous to go to his show but I mean, he can’t be that nervous. It isn’t his first time after all. I know that he will meet his fans before he gets in but I mean those are the people that love and support him, they can’t hurt him. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself to not be scared and be there to support him.

“You okay?” I asked and held his hand. He nodded but something told me that he was lying. I didn’t argue though.

Seeing the tour buses and a loud and big crowd of people just told me how much we were close. I took a look at his eyes that got filled with anxiety when he saw all the fans that surrounded the car. I wanted to help but honestly didn’t know how. They were screaming and crying, jumping on the car and knocking on the windows. I saw Justin smile a little not wanting to show his weakness but I knew better.

I squeezed his hand a little to make him look at me, when he did I smiled and said “ready?”

He gulped and looked back at the fans then looked at me again then nodded. A big part of me was even nervous of what could happen but the other part wanted me strong to be there for him.

The car stopped in front of the door and his security opened the door for us while the others tried to push the fans a little away to make us a way to pass through them to the door. I sighed and got out followed by Justin and hurried to the door but little by little Justin’s hand slipped off mine and when I looked back Mike was only pushing me inside.

“Justin.” I called, trying to look for him but couldn’t see him.

“Get inside.” Mike said.

“Justin!” I yelled.

“YN! Get inside we will get him.” He seriously said.

My heart was beating loudly and I felt myself sweating only thinking about what he could be feeling right now being surrounded by so many crazy people like that. I hurried inside easily because nobody was around me and waited for Justin to follow but I couldn’t see anything.

“Please God, please.” I whispered with my hands on my heart feeling like it is going to get out of my chest. My eyes were running everywhere looking for any sign of him but couldn’t see anything.

I saw the securities getting closer to the door with Justin. He was looking down, hands on his ears and mouth a little open. When they walked in and the securities closed the door behind us, Justin fell on his knees and gasped for air, still his eyes closed and his hands on his ears trying to block them out.

I sat down on my knees in front of him. “Justin.” I took his hands off his ears but they didn’t stay still, he put them back on his ears and his gasps were getting louder. I bite my lip and scooted closer ti gm then hugged him tight rubbing my back. “It’s okay baby. You’re okay. You’re safe.” I tried to say anything to push this fear in him away but it didn’t help.

“What is wrong with him?” Mike asked.

“He is having a panic attack.” I softly said rubbing his back. His sobs got louder and when I pulled away from him I could see clearly him shaking and tears falling down his closed eyes. “Justin,” I tried to grab his attention. I took his hands off his ears again and called him one more time. “Baby, open your eyes.” He sobbed. “Justin, look at me.” I shook him softly. I pecked his forehead when he opened them. “Breathe. Okay? Deep breaths remember?” I caressed his cheeks and held his face up to keep our eyes together. “Count with me.” I said and took a deep breath as he copied me. “One.” I said. I took another deep one as he took his shaky one and let it out. “Two.” I said.

I nodded with a smile when another tear fell off his eye. “You’re doing perfect baby. Just a few more.”

“Three.” He mouthed. I nodded. “F-Four.” He said.

“Common baby. You’re doing perfect.” I said but he didn’t listen to me. He just shut my eyes and started to cry. “Justin, baby this isn’t helping.” I tried to help him.

“Yn…They are back…They are ba-back they are back.” He sobbed.

“Please Justin breath.” I finally let down the tears down that I couldn’t hold back anymore.

He looked up to me and sobbed. “They are back.”

“They won’t…They won’t come back Justin, just lease breath.” I begged sobbing myself. I hated seeing him shaking so badly, scared of his own fans.

He listened to me because I was crying and kept counting until ten. He emit a long final breath then dropped his head on my chest just like yesterday. I didn’t care that all of this happened in front of his fans looking at us through the glass door which meant that all of this is probably filmed and will be on internet soon. I only cared about him.

He looked back at them but I didn’t let him. I held his face and turned back to me. “I’m sorry.” He said.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I said I will be with you to support you through it all.” I said.

“I…” He emitted a shaky sigh, not wanting to cry again. “I don’t want those panic attacks back.”

“Just like you were able to stop them before you will be able to stop them again. You can baby I know you do.” You assured him. He gave you a small smile and nodded.

“Thank you.” He said.

You smiled wide and wiped your own tears. “Ready for the show?” You tried to change the subject. He smile wide and giggle a little then got up and nodded. “Then go out there and kill it!” You cheered making him chuckle.

Part 1: I can’t

“I can’t. I just can’t.” He cried.

“Baby can you just tell me what’s wrong? Maybe I can help you.” Sitting here, watching him crying his eyes out for almost an hour and saying negative stuff about life and how he can’t anymore breaks my heart. The fact that I had no idea what he is talking about made me more sad that he isn’t even trying to open up about it.

He shook his head and sobbed, shutting his eyes tight. “I just…can’t.” I sighed and just took his hands in mine. The way he was crying made me worried and scared that this depression grows back like before. Justin just went back to his fame life and he is doing great then why was he crying like that?

You just sat there, rubbing his hands and watching him. He took his hands off mine and dropped his head on my chest crying more. My heart sank seeing him like that but I didn’t say anything. I just hugged him, caressing his back. I chose to just hold him until he calms down instead of asking more questions and if he feels like telling me then he will. Which was what happened.

“I’m tired of dealing with pictures with fans.” He started when he calmed down. I tapped his back to tell him that I was listening. “Sometimes I feel like people take pictured with me because I’m Justin Bieber and they just want to post it everywhere and say I met Justin Bieber. They don’t take pictures because they love me.” He sniffed. “I feel like I’m an object that they use to show off. The way they throw their phones in my face and snap a pictures even when I tell them I don’t want to take a picture is just…”He shook his head. “I hate it. I hate feeling that way.”

“I know.” I whispered.

“That was why I cancelled M&G! I just didn’t want to deal with it.” He explained. “But they still don’t get it.” His voice cracked. “There is these people that laugh when I tell them to back off…as if…as if they are doing it on purpose to piss me off.”

“I totally understand baby.” I played a little with his hair when he hugged tighter on my waist.

“Please don’t leave me. I-I know it’s hard but I can’t do it without you…I won’t be able to do it without you.” He looked up at me bringing my sadness from 0 to 100. Seeing his red weak eyes broke me.

I gave him a small smile, caressing his cheek. “I will never leave you…ever Justin.” I pecked his lips making a small smile to creep on his lips then he shut his eyes and sighed in relief.

I hate seeing him that broken and I hate seeing him in such of a lack of oxygen because he is crying too hard. I don’t want his panic attacks to get back and I will try my best to be there for him and ease a little bit of his pain.

Justin Bieber

Preview: Panic attacks and anxiety has so many levels and it is the last hing anyone would like to go through, it isn’t only painful, it is scary feeling like you don’t have control over your body anymore.

Ps: This is actually accurate with what’s happening to Justin right now so I just made an imagine of what he probably feels because there is a lot of people that don’t understand so I hope that helps.

I can’t

They are back

It’s getting worst

Exercises

Here you go and more will come soon ;)

Here you go. And I’m so sorry for your mom <3

Justin Bieber

(I update this when I post about JC)

AU meme

Jc Caylen

(I update this when I post about Zayn)

Au meme