saw yourpost one day after giving up 😭😭😭 idk man yall can keep trying but I am done after 7ish years of trying and yeah its sucks here but I am relearning to be content with it like how I was before shifting cuz just having so much hope and waking up here over and over is a different kinda worst pain. Like lowkey feel like that 1st kung fu panda villain lmao. Tai Lung that was his name!!! The whole who filled my head with dreams thing 😭 like idk I was so excited to finally get outta here and have the parents I deserve and childhood and friends and love I deserve and just experience being queer without any fear but yeahhhh now I just feel sad thinking about all that a part of me wishes I never found shifting cuz shifting made me dream so big and dream so impossible and now it just sucks so much knowing you can have better and still waking up here ugh. The worst part is I have shifted!!! Like te very 1st time to a random reality and I shifted while awake it was so real and I had lucid dreams b4 so I could tell the difference PLUS AGAIN SHIFTED WHILE AWAKE but that was like yearsssss ago when I 1st discovered shifting so knowing it is real sucks more ugh. I just wanna permashift/respawn to my home but idk I am so sick and tried of being let down and whenever I see shifting posts I roll my eyes cuz it's tye same advice I had tried to follow I swear to you I have done every method and had every mindset. Hell one time I was attempting to go to the void and this was baby shifter me who believed I shouldn't move at all so I was still for like a whole 6 hours attempting cuz I thought the moment I get to the void I can finally permashift but it just never happened and I tried for weeks and all the attempts lasted hours cuz I thought it just needed more time. I am done with all that tbh rn I am just hoping for a natural death to come sooner than later so I can at least stop being here
Maybe not because you let anyone see it
I know because I’ve seen what this dream has done to some people
I know the way thier eyes light up every time someone talks about finally making it
I know how thier hearts races when they hear another success story even if they try to pretend that they're calm
I know how they pause videos just to imagine themselves there
I know how they stare at photos for so long that they stopped looking like pictures and started feeling like memories they somehow misplaced
I know how badly they want this
Not in the casual way people want things
Not like wishing for better grades, a nicer house, or a different life
I mean wanting something so deeply that it quietly becomes part of who you are
The kind of dream that follows you everywhere
The kind that sits beside you while you’re eating, studying, trying to sleep
The kind that waits for you every night, asking the same question:
“What if tonight is the night?”
I know about those nights
The nights when everyone else was asleep but your mind refused to rest
The nights when you closed your eyes and imagined places that somehow felt more familiar than the room you were lying in
Places you’ve never visited
Worlds you’ve never touched
Home in a way reality sometimes never did
I’ve felt that excitement before
I feel you convince yourself that this next attempt would be different
That this script would finally be the one
That this method would finally work
That tonight would finally change everything
And every time morning came…
You had to gather the broken pieces of your hope all over again
I know what that feels like
I know what it feels like to keep believing when reality keeps telling you to stop
To wonder if everyone else is lying
To wonder if you’ve misunderstood everything
To wonder if you’re chasing something that was never meant for you
Those thoughts don’t make you weak
Because when you care about something this much, doubt will always try to stand beside hope
Then you’ll believe again
There will be nights when you’ll tell yourself you’re done
Tell yourself you’ve outgrown this dream
You’ll find yourself searching again
Writing another script from the beginning
Not because you enjoy hurting yourself
Because something inside you refuses to let the dream die
You may call it stubbornness
Someone else may call it foolishness
And hope has always been far stronger than people give it credit for
Right now, all you want is certainty
Not another motivational quote
Not another person telling you to “be patient.
You want someone to look you in the eyes and tell you
You are not wasting your time believing
You are not foolish for caring
You are not naïve because you keep trying
I know how badly you want a date
Something that lets you finally breathe
You’d spend every single day staring at the finish line instead of living the journey that shapes the person who eventually reaches it
Some things lose their meaning when you know exactly when they’ll happen
Some lessons only exist because of the waiting
There will be nights when you’ll cry
Not because dreaming is painful
But because wanting something with your entire heart is
People talk about hope as if it’s always beautiful
They don’t tell you how heavy it becomes when you’ve been carrying it for years
They don’t tell you how exhausting it is to wake up every day believing in something you still can’t hold
There will be nights when you’ll sit in complete silence, wondering if you’ve finally become unreasonable
You’ll ask yourself if you’re too old to believe like this
If you’re embarrassing yourself
If everyone else has already grown out of dreams that you’re still protecting with everything you have
You’ll wonder if it’s time to let go
Don’t let anyone convince you that wonder has an expiration date
Don’t let anyone make you believe that growing older means dreaming less
Some people stop believing because they’re afraid of disappointment
You kept believing even after disappointment found you again…
It’s one of the rarest forms of strength
I know something else you’ve never admitted out loud
Sometimes, you don’t just want to reach those worlds
You want to know they were never truly far away
You don’t dream about them because they’re fictional
You dream about them because something inside you recognizes them
You’ll stop wondering what it would feel like
One day you’ll stand somewhere you’ve imagined thousands of times
You’ll stop walking for a moment
Not because you’ll be overwhelmed
Because your mind won’t know how to process the fact that what once lived only inside your imagination is now right in front of you
You’ll smile without realizing it
And for the first time in a very long time…
Everything inside you will become quiet
You’ll understand what people mean when they say
“I finally feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.
You’ll walk through places you’ve memorized long before you ever saw them
Every corner will feel strangely familiar
You’ll meet people whose faces you’ve stared at through a screen for years
You’ll hear voices that once existed only through headphones and speakers
You’ll laugh with people you once believed you could never reach
The distance between you and your dream was never measured in miles
It was measured in patience
Maybe you’ll walk through the streets of a city you’ve dreamed about for years
Maybe you’ll stand beneath floating mountains that once existed only in your imagination
Maybe you’ll explore worlds that made you feel understood long before reality ever did
Maybe you’ll survive an apocalypse beside people you once admired from behind a screen
Maybe you’ll step into stories that helped you survive your hardest days
Whatever those worlds become…
Making memories instead of imagining them
But I need to tell you something people rarely mention
Getting there isn’t the end
Because every beautiful place asks for something in return
You’ll say goodbye to places that taught you what happiness feels like
You’ll miss people who changed your life
You’ll sit in this reality while thinking about another one
You’ll find yourself smiling at memories that nobody around you understands
You’ll grieve versions of yourself that only existed because of where you had been
Because loving something enough to miss it…
It’s proof that you lived
It’s proof that your heart found a place worth remembering
And no matter how difficult it becomes…
You would choose every second of it again
Because some experiences don’t just change your life
There will be moments when you’ll question where you belong
Not because you’ve lost yourself
Because your heart will have touched places that the people around you have never seen
You’ll carry memories you won’t know how to explain
How do you describe missing a place that someone else believes never existed?
How do you explain feeling homesick for a world they think is only fiction?
How do you tell someone that a goodbye can hurt even if nobody else remembers it?
You won’t always have the words
Not every experience was meant to be understood by everyone
Some things become part of you without asking permission
They change the way you look at the sky
The way certain songs make your chest ache
The way familiar voices suddenly make you stop whatever you’re doing because, for a brief moment, they take you somewhere else
People may never understand why those things matter to you
Don’t spend your life trying to convince them
The meaning they carry doesn’t disappear simply because someone else can’t see it
There will be another battle, too
One you probably don’t expect
You’ll compare yourself to versions of yourself that exist only inside your imagination
You’ll wonder if another version of you is happier
You’ll ask yourself why you couldn’t become that person sooner
Why this version of you had to struggle so much
Why you had to cry so often while imagining a life that felt impossible to reach
You were never competing with another version of yourself
Every version of you exists because of this one
The one reading these words
The one who keeps getting back up after disappointment
None of the others could ever exist
Don’t underestimate what you’re doing right now
You’re building a future one quiet decision at a time
Every night you choose hope over surrender…
Every morning you decide to begin again…
Every moment you refuse to let fear make your decisions…
You’re becoming someone stronger than you realize
Not because life suddenly becomes easier
Because you’ve learned how to continue even when it isn’t
People often believe bravery looks loud
It looks like wiping away your tears and trying one more time
It looks like believing before you have evidence
It looks like protecting a dream when everyone else has already buried theirs
It looks like refusing to give up on yourself, even after you’ve disappointed yourself
And you’ve been carrying it for much longer than you know
Sometimes you’ll feel impatient
Sometimes completely lost
You’ll wonder why everyone else seems to be moving forward while you’re standing still
But stillness isn’t always the absence of progress
Sometimes it’s where roots grow
Sometimes the biggest changes happen where nobody can see them
So if you’re waiting for proof that you’ve grown…
Look at who you were a year ago
Look at how many times you could have stopped
Look at how many reasons you had to walk away
That alone says more about your strength than any success ever could
And if nobody has told you this lately…
Not because you’ve reached the finish line
But because you’ve refused to abandon the path that leads there
That matters more than you know
Before you close this letter…
There’s one last thing I need you to hear
I know you’ve wished, more times than you can count, that someone could simply tell you the answer
Anything that would finally silence the endless questions in your mind
I know you’ve imagined what it would be like if someone walked up to you and said
“Don’t worry. It will happen on this exact day.”
You think that would make everything easier
But only for a little while
Because certainty has a strange way of stealing the beauty from the journey
If you knew exactly when your dream would arrive, you would spend every day counting the distance instead of noticing the person you’re becoming while you wait
You wouldn’t celebrate the quiet victories
You wouldn’t notice how much stronger you’ve become
You wouldn’t realize how many fears you’ve already survived
Sometimes, not knowing isn’t a punishment
Sometimes it’s protection
There are lessons that only uncertainty can teach
There is courage that only waiting can build
And there is a version of you that only exists because you had to keep believing without having every answer
I know there were moments when you felt embarrassed for caring this much
Moments when you looked at yourself and wondered if everyone else had already moved on while you were still holding onto something they couldn’t understand
Maybe they never understood in the first place
But your dream was never theirs to understand
Not every meaningful thing in your life needs someone else’s approval before it becomes real
Some become a part of your identity long before they become part of your reality
But because they’re precious
One day, you’ll stop asking yourself
“What if it never happens?”
Instead, you’ll find yourself smiling at a completely different question
“How did I ever survive believing this was impossible?”
I hope you don’t only celebrate the destination
I hope you remember every version of yourself that helped you get there
The one who cried when nobody was watching
The one who stayed awake searching for answers
The one who rewrote scripts after deleting them
The one who almost gave up but decided to try once more
The one who felt alone because nobody around them understood
The one who doubted everything…
Those versions of you deserve just as much love as the one who finally reaches the dream
Because they carried you there
Never be ashamed of how deeply you’ve loved something
The world has enough people who stopped believing
Keep that part of yourself that still looks at impossible things and whispers
Because that quiet “maybe” has carried you farther than fear ever could
And if someday this dream becomes a memory instead of a wish…
If someday you’re standing exactly where your heart has wanted to be for so long
Not because the waiting is finally over
But because every version of yourself—the hopeful one, the frightened one, the exhausted one, the patient one—made it there together
Put yourself back together
Just don’t convince yourself that one difficult season gets to decide the ending of your story
Because this isn’t the end of your journey
It’s only the chapter where you’re learning that faith isn’t believing after you receive proof
Faith is choosing to keep walking when the road ahead is still hidden
I believe that one day you’ll look back at this version of yourself—the one reading these words right now—and realize something that never seemed possible
And that was always enough
So whatever happens tomorrow…
Whatever happens next week…
Don’t let today be the day you decide to give up
Because sometimes the only thing standing between a person and the life they’ve spent years dreaming about…
One more night of believing
One more decision to keep going
