Fake-o-logues

What helps is exaggerating the waving gestures, which forces at least a fake smile onto my face

when i get something, it's mostly likes and reactions. it's very rare to receive a genuine response leading to a discussion. and lately i've been avoiding posting stuff, because some of it doesn't feel like it's worth posting. also some people are so aggressive at pissing on the poor, taking any opportunity to see whatever they are discussing in the worst light possible. it can get so bad, that attempting to interact with them is scary

that was probably the seed, the starting point of the long process that lead to me going full no contact with my parents, though it took some years for me to fully grasp the extent of their emotional neglect

especially the bass lines, in for some songs i didn't even know they had them

People don't say "I want to be friends with you." often enough when they feel that way.

Should I force myself into more gender-neutral hobbies or something?

When watching an anime alone, if the opening or the ending slaps, I'll sometimes dance on my own.

xxx: what are you thinking about? yyy: about how I shouldn't be overthinking our date, but end up doing exactly that. xxx: are you nervous? yyy: not really, I don't get anxious like that. I know that our date will be fun. I know I'm interesting to talk to, so if you're curious and we can find a topic to discuss, it will be fun. Maybe not the kind of fun one might want on a romantic date, but fun nonetheless.

A perfect wageslave

Two years later, and I'm still stuck in this rut, with the same maladaptive dream. So consistent, so predictable. Doomed to repeat my own mistakes of not making friends and staying inside.

I hope this email finds you among others, happy, sanguine, sweet, and dry. Confident in every step, illuminated by your faith in humanity and selflessness, with a cheerful ray of sunshine and an angel-like smile of a partner.

Today was another one of those conversations, where everyone else was doing vibes and jokes, but I, even though I realized the tone, thought that it would be ok to have a slightly more serious conversation on a tangentially related topic. It was not ok and now I'm feeling extremely rejected, because the conversation I wanted to have is of the completely wrong vibe, and nobody was interested in talking to me about the topic.