girl who cried wolf

no photos as there was nothing to take a photo of that i haven't already. i allowed myself a day of sloth, the first of the year! since the year began, i have been busy going out of the house and even had a trip. i haven't sat down and tormented my eyes with a blue screen in a few.

i had plans of eating a lovely, early breakfast of bread and sunny-side ups (as is my daily breakfast) then going for a walk, maybe a little work out and whatnot. past midnight, i had been introspecting about the way i live and have, not for the first time, decided to live with peaceful acceptance and accept what can't be changed. i even seriously considered becoming buddhist (that, i blame on records of ragnarok lol). i know this feeling, and every other feeling, good and bad, will not last but i will enjoy the sudden high i am in.

that said, i did none of what i had planned! i didn't go for a walk nor worked out. i didn't even get to have an early breakfast of toast and eggs. nonetheless, i wouldn't say it was a complete waste of a day as i did succeed in my goal of lazying around. i was also able to eat toast and eggs as a late lunch/early dinner.

most of the day i spent watching records of ragnarok season 2 (so glad my goat qin shi huang won but am devastated we lost the gorgeous hades. seriously, what is it with this show only ever killing the honorable and lovely gods. poseidon come back, your samurai dilf wife awaits. big brother come back, i, your little sister, awaits.) and planning out my journal.

this year, i want to be more dedicated in making a scrapbook journal of books (and maybe just the media i engage with in general) i read. as i've finished svsss vol. 1, i made a planned spread on canva. speaking of svsss, i also finished vol. 2 despite my decaying motivation around the majority first.

as i don't have any tools with me and i can't bring myself to order and wait for stickers and materials online, i opted to print out art & stickers instead. when your options are limitless, being creative is daunting and it took me awhile before i found my groove.

at last, i have gone to accomplish what i should have yesterday.

unlike how the needle store felt yesterday, the place was much more welcoming and didn't feel as suspicious. the piercer was dressed in his scrubs and the airconditioner was on. there was slow, rnb playing in the background.

i got a double helix on my right side which i sort of regret. not the piercing but the placement. my "good" side is my left and i barely take photos showcasing my right side so it seems a waste to have done it on my right ear... especially when i don't have much desire to get my right ear pierced.

originally, i was planning on getting my ears pierced on both sides. for now, i wanted to do one side as to make sleeping easier. however, after that appointment, i'm a little hesitant.

the pain wasn't bad. it's the kind of sensation i wish to be hit with whenever i dig my nails into my palms to stop from crying but never seem to achieve. it was tolerable and i barely flinched—but it was just gross? uncomfortable? i can't explain the feeling. i just didn't have much of a desire to experience it again.

i chose these golden ball studs, which i also regret. i should have chosen those diamond studs instead. though i'm pretty sure i have to pay extra for them so it's a good thing i didn't have to. my total came to 880, less than i had expected so i was glad. actually, now that i write this, i just remembered that i did have to pay a downpayment of 200 so my total is actually 1080 which is around what i expected. forget all that i said.

after the piercing appointment @ 2pm, i had 3 hours to waste before my diode laser. i went to the cafe below the needle store and got their matcha latte while waiting for my grab car. the matcha was surprisingly REALLY good. i say surprising because i vaguely recall having tried their matcha before and not enjoying it. fukuro often set up shop in my university and whenever i purchased from them, i'd go for the ichigo popping drink (good but nothing i really give a damn about) all because everything else seemed not of my taste and i was so certain i had tried and disliked the matcha before.

i also had a bit of trouble with the payment for my drink... i forgot my wallet at home. i only had a 1000 bill on me and it had alreadg gone to the needle store's pockets. fukuro didn't accept online banking either and my gcash has been crashing for awhile now. i'm like, 60% sure i have a malware on my phone. gcash keeps saying they detect security risks and would automatically close before i can even see my P0.00 balance.

it's not the only issue on my phone either. i've been unable to click the most random of buttons, mostly related to google. for example, i can no longer switch accounts regardless of which google app i open. i tried to ask reddit but no one even replied... :(

i was quite flustered while trying to find a way to pay for my drink. luckily, shaqeel came through and paid for it (sort of. he paid with his gcash but i still had to pay him.)

my grab came quickly after and off i went to the mall with 2 hours to waste. i didn't really have a plan. i should've just stayed in fukuro. at least then, i would've been able to take proper photos of the place rather than a quick, lucky shot on the grab car.

after much walking around, i ended up just staying in the indoor grassy area on the last floor. it wasn't the best but it was free.

i tried to read to pass time but i really couldn't focus. i brought kinnporsche vol. 1 to accompany me but god, the prose is really quite terrible! i enjoy cliché toxic dramas but the writing style is so juvenile, i couldn't take it seriously AT ALL! literally felt like i was reading the nonsense i would write in elementary. this was devastating news as i'd already bought the second volume... i'm considering selling both volumes but i don't know. i'll try to give it another try.

i brought 2 books with me. the other was madonna in a fur coat but i wasn't in the mood. i also had my kindle with me but nothing was hitting either. i ended up just... i actually don't remember what i did. was i reading fanfics? i think i was... basta. i was on my phone, doing god knows what.

5pm came and finally got my long overdued diode session. i believe this is my 5th session? the first 3 sessions were really amazing but the 4th was disappointing. the hair grew so fast?? it was as though i just went for a wax! the same goes for my current session. the hair wasn't even fully removed! i'm just hoping it'll fall off since that's usually how it is (growing for a couple of days then suddenly falling off till it starts to grow more properly.)

it's so very irksome that it's impossible for me to immortalize my days in my attempts to journal. all it takes is a little sorrow at the end of the day for me to forget what great joy i may have had prior.

since november, i've been wanting to go to dahilayan adventure park. after a lot of rescheduling due to either our (me & my friend(s)) contradicting free times and my family's impulsive trips, today was meant to be THE day. i was free, my friend was free and, thanks to new year's luck handing me quite the money, my finances were in order!

i've been wanting to go for a couple of reasons: i haven't travelled much, if at all, in '25 or really these past few years in general, that is, in comparison to my childhood years. i'm constantly cooped up at home and busying myself with doing things i will never remember doing. dahilayan was an hour or two away, cheap and familiar so it seemed like a great start to slowly entering the world of solo travelling.

however, i had just gotten back from a 3 day trip in camiguin last night and i didn't have it in me to wake up at 6am for a day of walking around and thrill rides so i ended up rescheduling again. this time, on the 8th. the 8th will really be the day! after all, my friend (who we will call 'davi') was returning to her city 4 hours away by the 9th so if we couldn't go now, we couldn't go anymore.

regardless of my lack of motive for dahilayan, i still had it in me to go out and get a few personal errands done such as depositing money in my bank account and paying off my tuition. i also planned to get my ears pierced and getting my 5th diode laser session (neither happened). afterwards, i was going to go look at some bookstores to see if there's anything to buy and then have a cute little chat in chingkeetea!

prior to today, i have 4 piercings in total. 2 in each ear, all on the lobe. i actually had to get my upper ear lobes pierced twice because the first time closed up. i had it done in some random stall in centrio and knew absolutely nothing about aftercare whatsoever. i just simply did not remove the piercings for a couple of months and hoped for the best lol.

this time, i wanted to get a double helix. i've been wanting it since forever. any non-lobe piercing scares me and to relax my anxieties, i sought out a more professional piercer and that's when i found the page of a seemingly reputable tattoo artist that also offered piercing services by a registered nurse!

their base was located just above a popular coffee shop in my city, but it was quite shady... it was more of a residential building downtown and there was no signage whatsoever telling us which door it was in. all they told us was that it was in the third floor. me and davi fretted about, trying to figure out whether or not it was a good idea for us to be there, before eventually knocking on a door that we think might be the one. and we were right!

unfortunately. there seemed to be some miscommunication on their end. i filled out the appointment form and paid the downpayment but they seemed to have not noticed and were unprepared for any customer. i'm 99% sure the place was also their actual residence. it was more or less the size of my bedroom in my auntie's house (so really, it's my cousin's bedroom that i'm just using). we ended up rescheduling since they seemed underprepared anyways so i didn't want to suddenly put them to work though they invited us in. i worry we may have interrupted them at an intimate moment... turns out the tattoo artist and piercer were different people and they were a couple!

when i called the skin station earlier, they gave me 4pm as an available time slot but i forgot to confirm the booking. when i called them again, they said the next available time was at 8pm... that was way too late for me. i wanted to be home by then... so ploop. that was cancelled too.

me and davi went to every mall in the city with the exception of one to visit fullybook and national bookstore to hunt for scum villain self saving system volume 2. i finished volume 1 and enjoyed it. currently i'm on volume 2 (digitally) and having a couple of doubts on whether or not to continue to story but well, this is my 2nd or 3rd attempt of reading svsss so i want to commit. i don't really enjoy reading digitally and wanted to feel the book in my hands but sadly none of the bookstores had it. i didn't leave empty-handed though!

in ayala, i found vol. 1 and 2 of kinnporsche! i didn't know it had a novel nor that seven seas adapted so i was really surprised! i've heard of kp before its release and watched a few of the early episodes. it was fun but i never got THAT hooked into it. not because it was bad but because it was the kind of story i would rather be reading than watching. a lot of dark romance is just lame when in live action but i realllllllyyyyyyyyyyy enjoy reading them lol

the art was to my liking so i immediately got both volumes~ had the other volumes been there, i would've probably taken it home with me too.

at last, me and davi made our way to chingkeetea. on the way there, i've been whining and sulking as davi had to leave by 7pm (it was a little over 6pm by then) and i thought an hour was not enough time to sit and chat about whatever. how funny, considering that at the end, it was i who wanted to go home immediately.

chingkee had established two new themed rooms. one was a tea shop of some sort while the other was a vinyl cafe room that made me feel as though i was in a speakeasy. the latter is where we went. by pure coincidence, davi's brother was also there on a date! after a bit of persuasion, davi agreed to return home with her brother at a latter hour rather than leaving by 7pm to meet with her cousin who'll be taking her home.

it was, at first, a fun time. we unwrapped my kinnporsche volumes and i made her look at the art and react (without me looking at the art since i didn't want to be spoiled). i joked how every time we met, i was introducing her to more and more yaoi (last time we saw each other, i gave her a deepdive into haobin lore and now, i was convincing her to watch kinnporsche lol)

at some point in the night, i started to act like a pabebe sulky brat. it was just a joke and she knew it. as expected, she acted as though she were repulsed by it and saying 'ew!' which made me laugh. that's the reaction i wanted anyways.

but then she kept saying that again and again and again even when i wasn't doing anything at all. i was literally just sitting down and she'd go, "ew! stop doing that!" but all i was doing was breathing.

it really wasn't a big deal. i knew it too. but i've always been sensitive about my looks. i know i'm ugly and repulsive to look at. heck, that's why i do my best to hide my face by never posting photos and walking around with a face mask. i knew she was joking and didn't mean anything by it but it just really hurt. it was one thing for her to call me gross when i'm deliberately acting gross but when i'm literally not doing anything, it's as though i've been slapped with yet another reminder that me merely existing is a physical disturbance.

i couldn't help it. i snapped and told her i didn't like it and she apologized but the mood was gone. i suddenly felt disgusting in my skin.

i think what made everything worse was that i was genuinely so excited and happy because i loved how i looked today. i was so confident with my outfit and i even styled my hair with clips! i thought, for the first time in a long, long time, that i looked pretty. now, i just felt pathetic for even trying. i should know better than to think anything will fix my face. lipstick on a pig and all that.

in my embarrassment, i hurried to remove my hair clips, pushed back my bangs and removed my accessories. if i could, i would have ripped my skin there and then so no one would be able to look at me. i found myself holed up in the restroom and crying my eyes out like i was in stupid high school again.

davi did try to apologize but the thing is she didn't really have anything to apologize for and even if she did, the apology meant nothing to me. how she reacted was simply her instinct. she can't help it if i'm ugly.

i couldn't stand being around her. being around her or even talking to her was a reminder that i was gross. regardless of whether or not she meant it, it happened.

we cut the night short and i tried not to make too much noise as i cried in the backseat of the car.

the night didn't end too badly. i cried for hours and hours but before bed, me and my little cousins chatted about anime and whatnot and it made me feel a little better.