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revacholianrobot

In hindsight it's very insulting to be told that flunking out of college due to adhd is actually "quite common"

revacholianrobot

just like, if there's a history at your institution of disabled kids not being able to make it you realise that's your fault right. like why don't you fucking do something about it. i guess they tried to do something about it with me and it failed so they let me go. crazy. nice work. why should we try to do any better.

yourheartinyourmouth

only 5% of people with adhd who go to college finish a degree. FUCKING. FIVE!!! PERCENT!!!!!!!!!!!

that should disgust and enrage you.

if any other demographic of students had a 95% failure rate, we would be demanding reform and studies to understand why that’s happening

when i was at my first university, trying to get accommodations for my ADHD, they just kept asking me what accommodations i wanted, and refused to answer when i would ask what was available to me. how the Hell am i supposed to know what i can have? what’s available???? also, i don’t know!!!! i’m an adhd sufferer, not a fucking disability expert for the fucking college, unlike you, DISABILITY EXPERT WHO WORKS FOR THE COLLEGE.

but because the us is OBSESSED with making sure no one gets anything “”for free””, she literally would not tell me what my options were until i broke down in tears and asked her why she was refusing to help me. and then she did a big sigh, like i was fucking up her entire career by *checks notes* asking the disability center in my university to help me, a disabled student

at the second uni i went to, i tried to explain to a dean that i was literally two gen eds that had nothing to do with my degree away from graduating and that i was burnt out and broke and exhausted and suicidal and i just needed to be able to finish my degree without the gen eds. and this. fucking. guy. looked me right in my face and said in the most patronizing tone he could muster “if you can’t handle it, then maybe college just isn’t for you.” keep in mind that up until that semester, i had been an honor student who made Dean’s List every semester and didn’t get below Bs. if it hadn’t been for my mental breakdown, i would have graduated cum laude, maybe even summa cum laude.

but this dean of students looked a disabled person right in the face and said well i guess you just can’t do it, short bus

jecook

Pulled these from a couple articles really quick but yeah the statistics are not kind. I remember writing a scathing essay about my issues with ADHD and college as part of an assignment for academic probation. I got back an email calling me entitled and lazy. Somehow, this thread helps me feel a lot better. I still have about a semester of school unfinished that I’m unsure if I’ll finish but… yeah. Makes me feel better to know it’s not just me.

#babe #it took me 20 years

fitting room selfie. the scars from the broken femur surgery are visible as dips at the hip and front of the thigh. the broken bone pierced through connective, muscle and fatty tissue and caused (further) sagging at the back of my thigh.

i have more scars on this side you can't see because of the light.

#post accident

#selfie #give me attention

fuckin snapchat filters

#selfie #give me attention

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it me

#selfie #give me attention

#tw arachnophobia

having anxiety disorder is frankly embarrassing

unrealunearths

please, please, please do not pretend this is close to over.

i hurt precious

but it will pass

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i talk nonsense to my therapist and she makes sense. what?

i told her 'i never liked my life in greek' and she was like 'aaah'

medievalthymes

after social distancing is over everyone is gonna be so touch starved every contact with another human will be like the hand flex scene in pride and prejudice (2005)

medievalthymes

social norms after the pandemic are going to be like: "did you hear? miss Katherine brushed hands with the starbucks barista the other day when getting her morning coffee. quite the scandal if you ask me, exposing herself in such a manner… and with gloveless hands!“

#ah so other ppl arent like this #welp

cashier: do you have a membership card?

me: nope

cashier: that's ok you can still buy these

me: i imagine so

me: *hands over a twenty*

cashier: oooh paper money

me: shocking i know

*something something transaction*

*cashier puts my stuff in a paper bag*

me: and i get a free bag too?

cashier: *drops the bag turns beet red*

i had a dream

i did a criminal something like i tried to hide a body? make a murder look like a suicide idk. it was either the 50s or i was a rockabilly i think it was the 50s bc the actor who was playing the guy i had a crush on was either young frank sinatra or idris elba but you know im talking suave. he was a detective or working for a mobster idk but anw he was investigating and also trying to get out of a dangerous situation? and he with his pardner was pulling me along with him damsel in distress style picking me up from my waist you know that kind of cringey stuff. at the same time i was conspiring to sabotage his investigation. but this yearning of kind of waiting/wanting to tell him my involvement so that we could actually work together in the dangerous situation because i could tell that my hesitation over the uncertainty of where we stood was causing me to behave like a ninny.

i need to talk to my father. face him down. i want to tell him,

i want to die i wanted to die while i was just lazing about and i wanted to die while i was working. cause my existence causes me great anxiety and i've been doing therapy and taking meds and at some point it shifted and it was just my work that caused me anxiety. i managed to stand up to the guy because I felt i had some worth and it was important to my self-esteem that i learn to stand up for myself. and it worked and i was happy for keepingcontrol and then i got fired and it make me more happy because the anxiety went away. and then you came and threw me to the hole again. did i do it on purpose dad? did i want to leave? no and yes. i fought tooth and nail to be worth staying there why can't YOU SEEEEE THAAAAAT. but i have my limitations and those are mental limitations and i'm trying to live with that and feel worth living for and with. i don't know if you can live with that? i think that you can't. you’re right there into that hole you threw me in didn’t you? I wanted to die again but no. this time i can reroute my thoughts. this time i can talk to you about you and that hole of yours.

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capitalism is when my employers turned my coworker against me and she snitched on me and now she has to pick up twice the workload

because my employers fired me for speaking up for myself

i got fired

im having trouble not drowning myself in guilt and selfloathing

but i can do this in logical steps or something fuuuuuuckdjfjdjsla

yes i sucked at points and i was good at others

that does not mean they were right to yell at me and make me cry

i made a huge step forward by confronting them about it

they somehow felt it was excusable to yell at me because i just was so awful at my job that i made him do it?

FUCK THAT?

anyway the stress and grief this whole mess caused me for the pitiful pay

goodriddance

now i just have to feel what i know

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