‧꒰ა🪦໒꒱‧

a life update i suppose.

i've become so ill lately, neglecting my health and isolating myself

for a while now, i've grown tired of the constant doctor appointments, refusal of adequate care, worsening symptoms of my interstitial cystitis...

i've also stopped seeing my physical therapist simply because i couldn't afford it anymore and i moved too far away. i've stopped taking my medication which has probably attributed to a lot of my fatigue. i think it's been months now since i've taken them consistently.

i don't know what's wrong with me, i don't know how to get out of this. i really loathe where i am in my life right now. i honestly wake up thinking why couldn't i have passed peacefully in my sleep.

there's not a single thing that doesn't stress me out, i frequently think about running away or disappearing somehow...but my condition will stay with me...i can't escape this body...i live in the attic of my mind...i'm not sure how much more i can take

i need something to hold onto

i remember when all i worried about was making art...panting...drawing

going to school

and making milk and honey bowls for the fairies outside my window