ruth

tumblr: oh! so he’s gay!

writer: uh…no, he’s attracted to women.

tumblr: ….so he’s bi!

writer: uhh…no…….he loves his guy friends but he’s not romantically/sexually attracted to them.

tumblr: ….so you’re homophobic.

writer:

for not reblogging it sooner.

Bloodbound: innocent young mc learns to grow up and be mean while boning a bunch of really hot vampires. spooky visions, a lot of blood, and the weirdest night-life atmosphere ever

Red Carpet Diaries: in the most unrealistic plot setup ever, some midwestern rando actually makes it in the movie business. the girls are perfect and pretty much every guy but the LIs is a dick. obligatory gay best friend cheers you up when sad things happen

Perfect Match: they’re robots. it’s pretty obvious from like the first chapter that they’re robots. however, they’re really hot robots with fully functioning sex parts, so go ahead and bone them. you were just looking for love, but now you’re an international fugitive who really needs a hug and a nap

Open Heart: you are a young stupid idealistic new doctor, and all your co-workers are suspiciously hot. feel free to bone them too! (not ethan though, it’s going to take you 15 chapters and 30 diamonds to do that). honestly, you engage in so much shady shit that it’s amazing you haven’t been fired yet, but you’re such a good person that everyone roots for you anyway. 10/10 a fantastic book

Wishful Thinking: emus. just emus. i mean, there’s an actual plot too, but most people are just invested in it to see where the emus pop up. also, the sexual tension between anna and mc is pretty nice and very gay, so that’s a plus

A Courtesan of Rome: you are a cold hearted bitch and it’s so fun. you wanna fuck caesar? go for it. you wanna fuck cleopatra? go for it! you wanna fuck them both at the same time? GO FOR IT, SISTER. this book is a wild ride and you’ll murder more than a few people. even marc antony, who was historically the shadiest and the kinkiest bitch in ancient rome, is shook by how much sex and murder you have time for

Ride-or-Die: your dad is controlling. very controlling. as in, won’t let you, a legal adult, learn to drive. of course, you show your father he has nothing to worry about by running off with a bunch of criminals as soon as you get the chance. fast cars, powerful lesbians, and gangs drive the plot

Desire and Decorum: literal bastard child (who’s also mixed race) somehow becomes an integrated and accepted member of Regency English high society, because that would totally happen. your oblivious grandmother gets you engaged to the worst dude ever, and there’s a lot of closeted gayness going on

Across the Void: everyone you love is going to die and unless you have 1000000 diamonds there’s nothing you can do to save them. the whole world is burning and everyone betrays you and your siblings are whiny bitches. oh yeah, it’s also in space, which is neat (lots of hot aliens)

America’s Most Eligible: like half the people you meet will dislike you for no damn reason. you hang out in a big house and have a lot of sex and participate in meaningless semi-athletic activities. there’s so much petty drama and it’s kind of exhausting but also really fun. trust no one, because they will screw you over at the slightest provocation

YOU CAN’T JUST TELL ME THIS PB AND NOT GIVE ME THE FULL BODY PICTURE!!!