found this three year old draft buried in my files. is it funny? I don't remember
no no you’re on to something don’t leave this in the notes! (tags from @misscrazyfangirl321)
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@faiasakura
found this three year old draft buried in my files. is it funny? I don't remember
no no you’re on to something don’t leave this in the notes! (tags from @misscrazyfangirl321)

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Oh shit wait ok
So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports
And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else
The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized
Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning
“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”
“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”
“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”
“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”
“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”
“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”
“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”
“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”
“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”
*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”
“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”
Years later when they’re out Shane reshares the clip and the only non-PR approved thing he says on the matter is “It was me, by the way. I am the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with.”
Hello???? Suggestions????
Reblog if you're overworked and underfucked
Sveta breaks her leg and she lives in a stupidly pretty loft apartment with nowhere to sleep downstairs so Ilya offers her a spare room at the cottage over the summer to recover in since she will basically have her own space.
Except that Ilya and Svetlana have their own routine together, even outside of them hooking up prior. They grew up together, mamas taking pictures of them in the tub together, no boundaries between them bc that’s just how they are. It’s why they slept together in the first place. Who better to try stuff with than the person who’s grown up with you?
Shane thinks he’s prepared for this, knows Ilya in and out but the first time that Sveta picks spinach out of Ilyas teeth like it’s second nature, he feels like he should be jealous but he’s not. He laughs when Ilya barges into the bathroom while she’s showering just to piss because he’s too lazy to go upstairs. He can’t even be mad when he hears the shower door open and Ilya’s affronted scream when Sveta turns the shower on him to run him out. (She happily mops the water up afterwards anyways so the only victim is a damp Ilya who mopes about having to change clothes)
Shane doesn’t really fit into their dynamic naturally and he’s okay with it, has a weird sense of loss when he watches them but he’s so happy to see that childlike joy from them that it doesn’t even really matter to him.
Except Ilya is gone for a whole two days for a sponsorship photoshoot and Shane is left with Svetlana alone for the first time that isn’t a few hours or less. It’s easy at first, nothing new. Except that he wakes up to the sound of her sobbing the first night.
Shane bursts into her room, scared out of his mind and already halfway through calling Ilya when she tries to just tell him to leave. To let it go and that she’s just being stupid bc she’s in pain. Shane doesn’t let it go though, coaxes it out of her that she has chronic back issues, ones that are debilitating some days and she normally soaks in a hot bath but her stupid broken leg means she can’t and nothing is helping anymore. She tries to shoo him out, apologizes for waking him up but Shane stops her. Tells her he will be back before he digs the fancy Epsom salts out of his own stash.
He easily finds some tiny candles, a soft floral scent that’s similar to the perfume she always wears, and lights them in the bathroom before dimming the lights and running a nearly scalding bath. He grabs the plastic sheeting and waterproof tape they keep in every bathroom because they’re athletes and they have to be able to waterproof injuries at a moments notice. He takes it back to Svetlana who’s already trying to pretend she’s going back to sleep.
“Come on, I’ve got you.”
She tries to protest, says she doesn’t need someone babying her, to which Shane rolls his eyes and asks her if she wants him to call Ilya who will absolutely force her to let him help if he doesn’t try to fly home immediately.
She finally lets him tape her up, not really sure where it’s going but trusting Shane bc Ilya trusts him. She startles a bit when he scoops her out of bed like she weighs nothing. He brings her into the bathroom, setting her carefully on the edge of the bathtub. He’s gentle when he helps her out of her clothes, eyes carefully diverted even though she knows he’s never looking at her like that. There’s a little hammock on the edge of the bathtub, and when he helps her into the hot water he tucks her injured leg as much out of the water as possible.
The heat is incredible, and her eyes tear up with the relief her back feels. When he turns to leave she grabs his hand, voice low as she asks him to please stay. She can’t have Ilya right now, but Shane is willing to be there and no one else ever has outside of her Ilya. Shane smiles, rolls up his pant legs and sits himself on the edge of the tub. They talk about nothing and everything until the water is cold and her back has stopped spasming enough that her pain meds are gonna be able to kick in finally. Shane is as calculated as ever when he lifts her out, heated towels already set up for him to wrap around her. She dries herself off, and Shane helps her get dressed again before carrying her back to her room even though she insists she can get back with her crutches.
When he goes to leave after tucking her into bed, she tangles her fingers in his and offers him the other half of the bed.
“I hear you, moving around when he’s not home. I know it’s hard to sleep without him.”
Shane hesitates for a moment, but he slides into the bed with her anyways. He know Ilya doesn’t care. He’s found them tangled up asleep together countless times over the years, but it’s never just been just the two of them.
Ilya comes home early the next morning, expecting to surprise both of them but when he checks on Svetlana first and finds both of them tangled up together, his heart nearly bursts from his chest. He slides into next to Shane quietly (after taking 30 pictures of them)
It wakes Shane just a little bit but Ilya shushes him, kissing him quietly before wrapping his arms around Shane’s waist. He can hold hands with his Sveta this way too and even in her sleep she squeezes his fingers gently.
It’s the best sleep that Ilya has gotten in a long time.
I had a dream where Brock was revealed to be a butch lesbian at the end of journeys and he thought that "ash and the others already knew" and the entire internet started losing their minds over it and after a couple hours the pokemon company tweeted "surprise faggots" with a picture of Brock holding a poorly edited lesbian flag
I tried to recreate it it looked smth like this
In light of recent events (my main got a pkmn related hit post ppl see the butch brock vision)
Pokemon Heritage Post
[ID: Image one is a fake tweet that looks like it's by the official Pokemon account; it's captioned "Surprise, faggots" over a picture of Brock from the original anime brandishing a lesbian flag while Misty and Ash stand beside him. The next two images are edits of Brock surrounded by lesbian and butch stickers. End ID]

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This is why Pride is not just a party. It's a joyful celebration, but it's also a pointed and colourful two-finger salute to a world that stood back whilst so many of us died. And we'll never go quietly, never again.
the idea that hollander "tamed" rozanov is really funny to shane because like. ilya finds it hot and is always going along with it, yes of course my husband is so sexy why do you think i moved to this boring fucking city. for dick. meanwhile shane knows the truth which is that ilya tamed himself. he herded shane like a sheepdog until he was exactly in the right position for ilya to flop down at his feet and say i love you, i am a one man guy, sleep with other people if you want but you are it for me, so shane is always there like ??? ilya. what are you talking about. i was literally prepared to be a secret slot on your roster for the rest of time without even admitting that i was gay until you decided to have me over make me lunch and say my name while you come like a love confession and ilya goes lyubmiyy. shut up. i was untamable you tamed the untamable and so shane has to be like yes, baby, i worked so hard, i used all my tricks but he's rolling his eyes because ilya wants to be a wolf shane coaxed inside to sleep on the hearth but instead he's a cat who snuck through the window and fell in love with his prey. self domesticated. and this is just one of the many perfect games they play
my mom’s trans allyship is on another level
she once called my friend’s deadname “that stupid thing his mom calls him”
I was once talking to my 75 year old Chinese dad in passing about a trans friend of mine not getting along with her family and he asked why and I said err, because she's trans, dad.
He asked: "Oh, was she the only son or something before *waves hand*?" and I was like, warily, no she has two brothers. And he responded with a great deal of confusion: "Then what's their problem?!?!"
Later on: "Anyway, even if she WAS the only son, that's not her problem, that's THEIR problem. They should have had more sons if they were going to be bothered about it."
Knowing what I know about chinese culture there’s something so beautifully simple about his logic of “no son to carry on family name/look after them in old age/all the other stuff? Skill issue! Should’ve had more sons! Should’ve kept the family unit strong yourself! Blaming your daughter for your own failure of family planning is W E A K!” and then he learns there are more sons and it completely breaks his train of logic because if yes to more sons then why issue?? You have two others and you’re mad you don’t have three?? Whack. Greedy.
I can already envision him as an ancient lord of a powerful house looking down his nose at the latest messenger bringing gossip from the house of his offspring’s friend and going “now they have a daughter to marry into another family for powerful alliances and two sons to take over her former duties and somehow they’re still complaining about their good fortune? They shall not survive the winter.” and then sipping his tea with all the grim satisfaction of someone about to watch an unnecessary soap opera of drama unfold from a safe distance or something
That's a funny image for sure, though I think if there's a typology of Chinese philosophical mentality, there would likely be a spectrum from "Confucian patriarchal lord" to "Buddhist monk / Taoist hermit" and my dad renounced at 18, was a monk for a time, before coming back to work for his family since they were poor 🤷 it was what 3 years after we gained independence from the British so the economy was probs a mess.
When he found and married my mom, he was nearly 45 and they had so much trouble conceiving that he went to a Guanyin temple supposedly "magical" for praying for children. When I was born (not a son, also an only child until now), my mom said, "when you prayed at the temple did you ask for a son?" He said, "Aiya, everyone is asking for sons, so I said any gender is okay. If I asked for a son, maybe we wouldn't have gotten a child because Guanyin's son quota is already used up. Do you want that to happen?" My mom laughed for days about "son quota" and continues to tell people about it today, but her honest answer was: "Any child is okay."
Jokes on them. They didn't specify a gender, so Guanyin Ma gave them a non-binary child!
More seriously: my dad doesn't care about sons. When I told my parents that I wouldn't marry or have children, I thought he might be disappointed, but he wasn't. Then again, maybe I should have expected that, given he tried to become a monk at 18 🤪 I think he said the thing about sons to poke fun at people who care too much about sons because he frankly thinks it's all a bit ridiculous. In his eyes, a child is a child, so what's the point in caring about gender? If the child "changes" gender, does it make a difference?
When I first spoke to my mom about trans issues, still closeted at the time, she said, "I don't understand why they feel the way they do, but they aren't hurting anyone so don't bother them. They are normal people just minding their own business." I said, "I agree, but on the topic of not understanding: Mom, do you think that when we reincarnate, we are always born into a body of the same gender?" In Buddhist stories, there was a lifetime in which Guanyin was reincarnated as a cow or ox, and in repayment for my birth, my dad does not eat beef till this day. Gender or species isn't constant in the cycle of rebirth. My mom said, "No, you're right. Whatever thing that carries on has no gender. I was probably male, human or animal, in one of my past lives." And she has supported trans rights even more ever since.
a 6 minute single take of shane's first time bottoming just exists in the universe and we have to live with that

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I need something homoerotic to happen to me soon
Privacy advocates gained access to a powerful tool bought by U.S. law enforcement agencies that can track smartphone locations around the wo
anyway yeah DELETE YOUR FUCKING ADVERTISING IDS
Android:
Settings ➡️ Google ➡️ all services ➡️ Ads ➡️ Delete advertising ID
(may differ slightly depending on android version and manufacturer firmware. you can't just search settings for "advertising ID" of course 🔪)
iOS:
Settings ➡️ privacy ➡️ tracking ➡️ toggle "allow apps to request to track" to OFF
and ALSO settings ➡️ privacy ➡️ Apple advertising ➡️ toggle "personalized ads" to OFF
more details about the process here via the EFF
ANDROID USERS:
go to Settings -> Privacy -> Ads
My Shane and Ilya are both incredibly possessive of one another and quick to jealousy but while Ilya gets jealous in a “everyone wants you but they can’t have you, you’re mine and I will delight in showing everyone what they’re missing out on” way, Shane gets jealous in a “I will burn this club down with both of us in it” way.
@giveemhales just really hitting it out of the park in the tags. this is the crux of it.
eating poutine out of the walter cup. could they get more québécoise?
one day, i hope to be moved from your downloads folder into somewhere more deliberate

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tom nook is NOT a landlord!!! he is a construction worker! he SELLS you a WHOLE HOUSE! He is not CHARGING YOU however many bells a month to live there! You PURCHASE a HOME that he BUILDS FOR YOU and then you PAY HIM FOR HIS SERVICE. He charges no interest he sets no time limit it is a relationship built on trust. the only penalty you get for not paying off your home is that he won't build more home until you pay him for the first one. A guy that builds you a house wherever you want him to and then charges you for the cost of construction is not a landlord you own the fucking home
He is, however, in the mafia
Just watched Adam Conover (of Adam Ruins Everything) make such a solid point that I think we should spread far and wide. Yes, having AI write your emails is lazy, sure, but people love being lazy. We need to really emphasize that sending AI emails (or using AI responses on social media, or publishing AI flyers, or or or) is rude.
It's rude. You're making someone take their time to read something you couldn't bother to write. You're telling them they were so unimportant you couldn't be bothered to actually take the time to say something yourself. And frankly, you're lying about it while you're at it.
It's rude.
It's not just rude to make me read something you didn't want to write. It is that you expect me to respond to your email written by Claude. You don't even want me to talk to you. You want me to talk to Claude so that you can make Claude respond for you. It is rude to expect me to talk to a chatbot when I wanted to talk to you.