Flares

art connects what we think is separate

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

We think people pleasing is being kind, but kindness comes from genuine care, not fear of rejection: people pleasing is anxiety disgused as niceness

We mistake perfectionism for excellence, but excellence is about growth and progress, while perfectionism is fear of failure dressed up as high standards

We confuse avoiding conflict with being peaceful, but peaceful isn't pretending everything is fine: that's fear of confrontation masquerading as harmony

We think suppressing feelings makes us strong, but strength isn't emotional numbness: that's trauma disguised as resilience

We mistake not asking for help as independence, but independence isn't doing everything alone: that's fear of being a burden or pretending to be self-reliant

We confuse approval seeking with getting good advice, but seeking wisdom is different from needing validation: approval seeking is insecurity disguised as being open to input

We think being controlling gives us safety but safety isn't micromanaging everything: that's anxiety masquerading as being responsible

We mistake our productivity for our worth, but our value isn't our output: that's childhood conditioning disguised as work ethics

These patterns serve you once, but now they're just keeping you stuck

When you ask for directions on the street someone will show you the way, even though they have nothing to gain from it.