we got to talking in group last night about finding it hard to shake other’s perceptions of you, or the need to Prove you’re Like Everyone Else so you go hyper feminine or masculine and will it to feel right. i had never thought i was hyper femme or anything but going back through pics of me from like, 2010-2014 i tried so haaard to be A Girl, like push up bras and body con dresses makeup stuff like that and it always kinda felt like i was playing dress up but i never focused on the thought/feeling hard enough to figure out why i felt that way, or just assumed it was self esteem related. even when i was realizing i was trans i tried to then lean into, not hyper masculinity, but idk, more masculine than i want(ed) to be and THAT didn’t feel right. this year with starting T has really soothed so much of that for me, and also not really caring how i dress now (see also: i wear the same pants boots and rotation of cropped shirts every day). anyway tl;dr trans support group is based and this is the first time i’ve ever surrounded myself with trans people and Talked About It All. it’s nice.

ugh so i didn’t have like the best diet and i don’t exercise as much as i should, though i DO do it! and i believe T can also mess w your cholesterol but i just did a lipid panel and every cholesterol they check for is high ): not drastically! most of them are like, 209 bring it down to under 200, 156, bring it’s down to 150, 131 bring it down to 100. i’m Ageing….this year is showing it! silver hairs, gotta watch my diet, i take six pills a day lmfao

i just had my three month check in and im gonna double my T dose to 40mg a day!! let’s see what THAT does

ik i made this blog to talk about/record transitioning it just feels so weird to talk ab my body like this haha. n e way, im now 2 months on about 20mg of gel T every day and i havent noticed tooo awful much. my skin looks and feels a little, idk, rougher? im somehow already getting hairier, my hips n chest seem a bit smaller (unfortunately it’s rendered my chest almost…deflated looking), and i feel like i can hit a lower range in singing and speaking if i try for it and my voice, imo, sounds less soft and a little more husky. stay tuned