Together We Will Recover;

This depression is different, like I really can’t bring myself to give a fuck

This pain is no longer worth it

I think I’ll end it here

I genuinely think I could pull off what my brother did and just end it all… I mean he did… why can’t I, right?

Every time I get in my car, I think about how I could end it all. It really is my next move, it’s all up to me. And to hell with promises cause we made a promise to each other and now you’re gone.. just like that you’re gone. That’s how quick it is, I’m five attempts deep. I have it all figured out now, the ball is in my court. And yet it’s been a little over a year and I’m still here.. still here sitting mostly in denial because I’ve yet to actually process your death. I’ve yet to actually even start healing because how the fuck am I supposed to do that.

I’m exhausted from running from everything including the demons inside me.. I won’t do it anymore

Way to jump to conclusion after conclusion after conclusion, you didn’t even think twice before you called me that, but I’m not allowed to get mad about because you had a bad day... hmm

I don’t feel like being right now, I just want to go away from myself but I don’t know how

I wish people would stop asking if I’m okay, I don’t fucking know if I’m okay. I know it’s just as much my fault for not checking in as it might be his for committing. But Idk if I’m okay, why the fuck would I be..

The day that I lost you

Now I just sit in the closet and reminisce... as well as dwell cause Idk how not to. I think I’m losing my mind.

Damn can i get more traumatized than this?

I used to sit in my closet when my parents would fight and it never failed, my brother would always come in and check on me. If I was crying, he’d comfort me. If I was just zoning out, he would stay with me and talk to me. And he would either stay the whole night, or wait until I fell asleep. But either way he would pick me up and put me back in my bed so I didn’t get in trouble for sleeping in my closet.