I didn’t realize how emotionally dependent I was on others and how much I had relied on the outcome of outside things I invested myself into, how much disrespect I was willing to integrate as proof of my imperfection. Learning how to walk away, I still linger a lot. I feel like a lizard, choking from its dead skin not coming off. I’m struggling to let go of that feeling of disrespect now, as if it were my proof that I deserve respect and that I’m worthy of more. I hold onto it, as if it were self respect. I’m struggling to go all the way, to let go and accept my life and the way things went, exactly as they did, and things / people exactly as they are… My life as my own, and a life to invest in, not fear. What is all this fear ? I’m grateful for my discoveries the past months. And the time spent alone, finding my way back to myself over and over, exploring my inner world with love and curiosity. I’m hoping this long chapter of my life will close soon, and well. I’m making space for more, and better. I do see the progress, I’m making my way. I know what I want for myself, I know who I want to be in the world.