Acecase

@gofish05 Enormous brain thank you, I did need to make this its own post however because I do have thoughts about this, namely:

There is no universe in which Yuna Hollander has not, unfortunately, seen her son-in-law's dick.

Hollanov's sex life is extremely active. This is canonical. Even when they are Going Through It in TLG, they are having sex the entire time. I believe at one point Shane puts it in such a way to imply that they aren't talking except to argue but they ARE fucking. I have said before that I believe they would continue fucking even if they divorced. Knowing this, I believe that several things are true:

1. Yuna becomes slowly aware of just how horny her only child is. This is a fire that everyone must jump into, eventually, with their parents/adult children. After the frying pan of child rearing and childhood comes the flames of knowing each other as adults. For every moment sitting in the kitchen hearing the saddest words ever spoken come out like a confession from the mouth of your grown child (Yuna has many of these moments with both Shane and Ilya) there also comes a moment where you realize that your child is a sexual being. It's spiritual payback for when your child sat down one day after having The Talk and realized that you had to fuck to make them.

2. This is how Yuna, God BLESS her soul, finally figures out that despite loving him more than life itself, she HAS failed Shane in a number of ways, chief among them being that she has never given him enough privacy. And yes it IS seeing the fully erect penis of her son-in-law that does it for her. She has a moment soon after the Cottage when she has barged into Shane's house and she's just popping in! Just seeing how things are going! And at no point did she even think to make sure that it's not one of the few precious days that Ilya could make it up from Boston. She comes around the corner of the entryway and there in the kitchen in full daylight is her son bent over the kitchen table and yes, Ilya has put himself in front of him but Ilya is ALSO naked and--it's there. It's out. And Yuna immediately walks back out the door and crouches on the front porch and tries not to die of embarrassment. And when Shane opens the door to her, bright cherry red almost ten minutes later and not making eye contact, she at first wants to be mad. Because that's her son, and it's broad daylight, and the windows are open, and it seems disrespectful to Shane as a person to just DO THAT to him--

And then she realizes that A. She has no right to think like this because it is Shane's house and Shane's boyfriend and she has no real say over the way those two things combine and B. Shane is an adult. Shane, unfortunately (...fortunately? Yuna has always wanted her child to find love and be cherished) probably wanted EXACTLY what was happening.

These are things that Yuna needed to realize and she will recognize this. But it's suuuuper uncomfy when it happens. And it continues to be uncomfy for awhile! She apologizes to them and things are awkward with them (Moreso with Ilya than Shane, to be honest--the man really does look like he wants to be launched into space) but she's learned her lesson, at least somewhat. There are growing pains yet to come with this whole new dynamic, adding Ilya to the family and everything that comes with it. It's a trial by fire but flowers grow in its wake.

3. Yuna sits up in bed for several hours in the dark and then, very suddenly, turns on the light and leans over David and shakes him awake.

"David."

"Was' happ'nin?"

"David. I really am a little worried. I'm sorry, I just can't stop thinking--David, the--the size? And how often are they--is it healthy? Could it--"

"Yuna. Please go to sleep, hon."

"David--"

"Bro? BRO?" says Ilya, his hands on his hips. "My name is Baby, or 'Love-Of-My-Life', or 'Beloved Husband', or 'Rozanov' if I'm in trouble. Just like you are now, Hollander."

And that's all the warning Shane has before he's tackled to the couch, and Ilya's kissing him relentlessly all over his face and neck, more to tickle him than anything. In between all the kisses, Ilya is like, "What do you say, Hollander? Do I have to keep helping you remember my name?"

And Shane's laughing so hard he's crying like "No, no, I'm sorry, baby! I'm sorry! I'll never call you bro again." And finally Ilya stops and presses one last kiss to his lips, this one softer and sweeter.

"Okay, good. Now let's get some dinner, bro."

And Shane rolls his eyes, but he leans up to get another kiss from Ilya.

Shane and Ilya are obviously hunkering down at the cottage together. There's no hockey, but they don't know for how long, so they're still training all the time. They're doing interviews and having to make it look like they're in completely different places. Ilya has to keep being reminded that he's supposed to still be back in Ottawa.

Ilya's teammates keep asking if they can be in a lockdown bubble together and he's gotta be like "No, can't do that. I'm not taking any chances." But now they're worried because he hasn't seen or been around another human being in months and they've noticed that even before lockdown he made more jokes about killing himself than the average person, so they're stressed to their eyeballs about his mental health.

Meanwhile Ilya's living the kind of domestic fantasy with his man that he didn't think they were going to get until retirement. For the first time ever most days he can truly pretend that he and Shane are the only people in the world. Sometimes David and Yuna come over for dinner because they are also isolating at their cottage. But most of the time it's just endless hours of just the two of them and neither of them could be happier. Their biggest decision every day is when and where to fuck. Some people are getting into sourdough – Shane and Ilya have committed to learning one new sexual position every day.

“Haas, where are you right now?”

“The club by the hotel.”

“And he’s not in the bathroom?”

“No.”

“Not on the roof?”

“No.”

“Not trying to access any of the dancers poles?”

“What? Why would- Oh, Troy says no.”

“Is he hanging out with drunk girls in the women’s bathroom?”

“Umm, one sec. Harris, can you ask her if Ilya is in there? … Harris says no.”

“Ok. What were you talking about before he disappeared?”

“We were trying to figure out where to eat.”

“Did anyone bring up sushi?”

“He didn’t say he wanted-“

“Just answer the question.”

“Uh yeah, someone suggested it, but he said he wanted-“

“He’s at the pier.”

“What?”

“He got bored, sushi put fish on his brain, which made him think about water, and he likes going to piers, and the hotel is walking distance from a boardwalk by the water. He’s there, most likely trying to look at fish going under the dock.”

“… How do you know that?”

“you are here” “of course i am” “shane hollander is taking me home” “shane hollander-rozanov is taking you home” “shane hollander takes my last name” “yes he did. do you want to come home with him?” “i’ll go anywhere shane hollander goes” “okay then let’s go home baby”

“And we loved it, we were all having a great time, but then he saw my sister and I, and he just got this - this look in his eyes, and then-”

She hesitated, worrying the coarse material between her fingers. “Things got pretty bad after that,” she muttered. “I know it’s silly, but I try to keep - her - comfortable. We don’t know if she can still hear us, or see us, or if she’s even still in here, but I like to think she is. I talk to her when I can, I leave music on when I’m out of the house. I tried to convince my parents to bring her with us when we went to Disneyland, but they didn’t - didn’t really take that well.”