mars

literally am always a few pounds heavier right before my period and i always eat SM and it always goes away within the first few days of my period but every single time i freak tf out and that’s what’s currently happening😭😭😭

also i have to do ~summer classes~ 4 days a week from 9am to noon for a month cuz i failed math and english lol. and waking up early makes it SOOOO much harder for me to restrict idk why. i usually WAKE UP at noon and so it’s easier to not eat for longer but this is making it so hard.

about a week until my period which means bloating even when i’ve eaten nothing, EXTREME hunger, binging, and guilt. my pms symptoms effect me HORRIBLY in all aspects not just eating. i binged yesterday and today and i feel absolutely horrible even though i’m maintaining. i just want to lose 4 pounds and be at 100 already but it’s been so hard to restrict recently and ik it won’t get easier until my period/after my period. the guilt im feeling rn is insane i feel so fat & every time i binge i feel like such a fake.

today my aunt was over and when i walked by in a crop top i heard her ask my mom if i eat 😆😆 and then me and my mom were in target and i was looking at myself in a mirror and she was like “are you eating :// i’m concerned about your weight :// every time i see you you look skinner ://“ and my boyfriend will literally cry bc he thinks i’m too skinny but like i don’t see it???? like ik i’m skinny but i REALLY don’t think i’m as skinny as everyone’s making me out to be tbh

i was exactly 104 pounds this morning😁😁 only 4 more pounds til my gw ahhhh i’m so excited!!!!

i went out to eat with my bf AGAIN yesterday and i ate the leftovers for breakfast today which was a huge pancake and some fries and then i hade like 3/4 of a yogurt and coffee omg ive been eating like a normal person recently and it’s making me feel so extremely guilty i’m so bloated it’s disgusting. i feel so fat and disgusting. i don’t think i’m actually gaining i was a pound heavier this morning but last time that happened i went back down to 106 like two days later snd it was also the morning after i ate out so idk but i just hope i’m not gaining i really wanna get back on track to restricting tomorrow ahhh

nvm y’all i went to my friends swimming and i ate sm😭😭😭😭 why do i keep doing this omg and my bfs coming over tomorrow so i’ll have to eat at least something ushwhebejsusbdbjd

ughhhhhhh so binged this whole weekend AGAIN and usually the monday after a weekend binge i like to eat under 100 cals but my bf was over today so i couldn’t do that but i believe i ate around 600-700ish which is still wayyyy more than i would’ve liked but oh well it’s better than the past few days. my period is officially over so the hunger and cravings that come along with it and pms are also gone! i’m very happy abt this lol hopefully i can stop binging now

IK YALL SAID DONT TAKE LAXATIVES but my mom gave these like organic ones and i only took one so i’m hoping i’ll be okay 🙏🙏🙏 ik it won’t like get rid of the cals but i kinda just wanna shit this all out so i can feel “clean” lollll

is taking a laxative worth it like will it take away my bloating and nausea and make me not gain weight from a binge 😅😅😅😅

my boyfriend came over and we got high bc he always wants to bc his carts almost gone and mines like full bc i never use it anymore bc every time i smoke i binge like crazy and guess what happened😭😭 yeah i binged like crazy. we ate so many snacks and we ate almost my whole bag of brownie brittle which i literally bought yesterday and it’s so fucking good and low cal and now it’s pretty much gone and😭😭 idk i’m so upset over this this is why i don’t fucking smoke anymore ugh i’m literally so nauseous too it hurts to move