Old Meme

asmr open mic night

you walk into a crowded bar and I’m on stage loudly crinkling a receipt in silence

my phone at 8% but my pussy? Fully charged.

Yeah cus you never use it

On this bitch of an Earth as it is in Heaven.

what if garbage was spelled like garbij

need me a freak like that

Do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

“I used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

once in high school i was walking down the hall at a brisk pace wearing dress pants and boxers and my (home made!! with nylon stockings + condoms + gak) packer just fell out of my leg and rolled down the hall a little ways and thankfully the only other person in that hall at that time was mr. hayes, the weird stoner english/philosophy teacher who rode his bike around the halls sometimes, and he literally just looked at me and said “i HATE when it does that” and walked away