“ i would have done anything you asked, ezra. i never stopped loving you but i figured you were better off without me. ” it hurt to say but it was the truth. at the time, when it came down to it, they were from two different worlds. he had a whole bright future ahead of him and it seemed like she was destined to be stuck in the cut. she knew that he would have done anything to make long distance work, that he would have done anything she asked, but she didn’t know how to say it. and when she had gone to see him at school, he had looked so good there, happier than she had seen him in awhile and she wanted that for him. for them. they could share a small apartment just off campus and slow dance in their kitchen at three a.m. and hang his art all over the walls but it could never happen. she was stuck and as his father had so kindly put it, she’d just drag him down. but even now, after all these years, the thought of ezra with someone else was still a strange concept to her. “ we’re always going to be us. it’s just different now. ” she feels all the air leave her body in that moment, fingernails digging into her palm to hold back the tears burning at her eyes. they had said good-bye so many times but there was a finality to this that she couldn’t quite grasp. “ please, ” she nearly pleads, her voice sounding strange to her own ears. “ don’t do this. ”
“well, i wasn’t,” he says quietly, “who would ever be better off without the person they love?” ezra’s first semester had been pretty much the only good one of his college career. he’d arrived so shiny and new, but between the breakup and the pressure his classes brought, things had only gotten worse. he’d come home looking more rundown every break, bouncing back just enough over the summer to keep anyone from suspecting too much. his roommates had learned to turn a blind eye when he spent days in bed, silently making sure he stayed hydrated and out of harm’s way until he bounced back. and as unfair as it is to pin it on her, he can’t help but think that if things would have worked out with naomi he would have had the courage to quit school before he spiralled so hard, someone and something else to fight for. he finally looks up at her, tears stinging his own eyes and a lump forming in his throat. he wants to wrap his arms around her, tell her that of course he can’t do this, of course he can’t walk out on them. but he wants to be over her so badly, to stop hurting every time he thinks about the future they never had. “let me go, naomi,” he chokes out, “if you love me, the way you say you do, the way i know you do, you’ll let me move on. i just- i just want to be happy for once. i haven’t been happy in so long.”
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