underneath

luci: he doesn't. i just put the blame on myself bc it feels like its my fault.

luci: yeah, i'm hoping this will be a good thing. clearly long distance doesn't work for us, and apollo has school and his sister in nc so it just makes sense

con: it's not, you guys are adults and he made a decision for himself

luci: i didn't tell him about apollo. and the only reason i was there is because he asked me for help. it feels like i took advantage of the situation. i didnt mean to, i just feel icky about the whole thing

luci: i think i'm moving in with apollo. so if u and ezra wanna stay at the villa its all yours

con: babe, i don't think he should put any blame on you. look, idk everything, but i think he's just focused on himself and his own relationship rn. he still cheated on his gf with you, he knew what he was doing.

luci: daphne. mia. isco. apollo. naomi. probably even ethan.

luci: like honestly, who havent i hurt at this point lol

con: you hurt isco? he’s as much to blame about this as you are. if he’s hurt then that sucks for him

luci: i think you’re the only one who doesn’t

luci: life wasn’t exactly peaches before this. i don’t know this is kind of a break from my real life i guess

luci: i shouldn’t be so selfish with you and ezra

con: i doubt that

luci: im not the victim here, i did something really bad and i hurt a lot of people

luci: im sorry i was being so selfish about all of that. you guys have every right to focus on each other without me bitching about it

con: i’m aware of that. and clearly you regret it and you feel bad about it already. i don’t look at you any differently

con: sometimes i remember how easy everything was before we came to this house, do you ever miss it?

luci: i mean, yeah. but its not his fault that im upset. its not anyone fault im just too sensitive

luci: youre my best friend too

con: who isn’t sensitive in this house? you’ve been going through a lot, no one should put all the blame on you

luci: idk it just makes me feel dumb when you say it like that. like everyone else knows something i dont

luci: i thought ezra and naomi were your best friends

con: i didn’t mean anything by it. i just see the way you guys talk sometimes and i thought it hurt you. but we’re all different and only you guys know what’s going on in your relationship

luci: don’t say it so condescendingly

luci: you do?

con: i actually meant it. if you really feel that way, then i can't tell you otherwise

luci: no he doesn’t. don’t say that about him

luci: it’s because i’m really not, you know? it’s not like anyone needs me around

con: okay, whatever you say

luci: no of course i wasn’t trying to hurt him. at least i don’t think i was. i don’t know i just felt like i owed to isco

luci: that’s not true

con: idk all the details, but i think as long you didn’t mean to harm him it shouldn’t be a big deal. he hurt you too, he still hurts you all the time

luci: it matters to him. he thought it was naomi and he was embarrassed and upset that he didn’t know it was isco and that’s my fault for not telling him

luci: then why do i feel like shit all the time

con: yes i get that. but you didn’t do it with the intention of harming him, luci. or were you?

“ maybe i wanted you to understand,” she raises her eyebrows and taps her head with a smirk, like he should be getting it, but she can’t help but laugh a moment later. it was almost out of character for naomi to want such a thing like a family. she had never really wanted one in the past, despite her and ezra’s fantasizing about what a life would be like, until there was the actual possibility of one. “ i guess so. ” but that had all changed a few years ago and she couldn’t help but picture how things would have turned out differently. “ i know. when did we get so fucking wise, huh? ”she took the joint but held it between her fingers for a second, carefully measuring her words before she spoke again. “ there’s something he doesn’t know. and if ever found out, he would hate me. ”

“it’s not as fun if i understand it.” he joked lightly.as much as they both talked about how similar their personalities were, there were differences. naomi had been with ezra for so long that sometimes connor wondered if they both could ever get over it. he trusted ezra and he trusted naomi, but he couldn’t help but wonder how people could ever let go of each other when their love had been so big once upon a time. con shrugged a little. “wouldn’t say i’m fucking wise at all, i just live one day at a time, sometimes it works in my favor, other times it just end sup being really shitty.” there’s a pause upon naomi’s words and connor wonders how more messed up it could get, she’s probably just overreacting and whatever secret she’s been keeping from ezra might not even be that big of a deal. so he frowns as he looks back at her, not half as high as he should be to hear whatever she has in mind. “come on, nomi. it can’t be that bad.”

luci: yeah but i cheated on him and then lied about who it was

luci: what have i ever done to deserve anything good

con: and? why does that matter? you told him you cheated, why does it matter who it was with?

luci: yeah but im the common factor in most peoples bullshit right now

luci: i really dont

con: luci, you didn't tell apollo to cheat on you. you didn't tell isco to cheat on daphne with you. you're not the only one that made mistakes

luci: dont worry i deserve this

luci: i dont just get to fuck up everyones lives without consequences, right?

con: you're not the only one to blame for all of this

luci: maybe make a time machine? or maybe some behavioral therapy so i can stop making bad decisions?

con: i can text elon musk to build a time machine, but it might take a while