my oh my.

# 𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐒 : an independent, selective, mutuals only, writing blog for a variety of muses, primarily based in jojo’s bizarre adventure canon.  this blog contains possibly triggering, albeit tagged, content. useful links :   carrd  +  inbox tag.

blogroll ... @determinazione & @crocifissione.

THE OUTSIDER.

i.  the buried. //  weighed blankets.  drowning.  the comfort of a loved one’s weight.  soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you.  not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little.  dragging the last second before you have to inhale.  lonely subways.  feeling like one with the earth.  a layer of dirt on you.  looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts.  hands calloused from digging.  knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out.  dust and sand speaking to you.

ii.  the corruption. //  insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life.  an illness in a community.  a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment.  breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with that you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case.  hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person.  a curse passed on.  the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief.  parasites.  something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out.  trypophobia.  knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off.  pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

iii.  the dark. //   shadows.  lights that turn off by themselves.  the feel of cold marble.  a beaked creature in the night.  the difference between seeing darkness and seeing nothing.  touch of something you can’t see.  hiding under a blanket.  white black, clouded eyes.  months without going outside during sunlight.  pouring dark.  unscrewing lightbulbs.  black matter.  light sensitivity.  a starless night.  time before light was created.  a shadow on the wall without a body to attach to.  withering plants.  a world without a sun.  footfalls in an empty house in the night.  a light that doesn’t reach as far as it should.  desperate reach for a flashlight.  clothes that hide your shape.  staying imperceptible.  winter months in the north.  an empty church.

iv.  the desolation. //   senseless pain.  warmth of faith.  wax where skin should be.  a blazing fire.  heat without a source.  the third or fourth tragedy in the family.  losing everything you’ve ever held dear.  so much to live for, gone so soon.  the smell of gasoline.  touch that scars.  coffee cup that never goes cold.  scorch marks on wood.  inescapably warm air.  a child born in fire.  death of a loved one.  a candle without a flame.  an altar in the middle of the woods.  animals with burnt fur.  plastic explosives.  burning hot metal.  sweating in an interrogation room.  never touching a loved one.  disfigurement.  a kiss that ruins you.  the scent of burning fat.  a tattoo that terrifies its viewer.  the agony of hellfire displayed as art.  auburn hair.  little clothing in cold weather.  a ripple in the air.  trying to cool down in vain.

v.  the flesh. //  body horror.  factories.  a hunger for something more filling.  never quite happy with how you look.  the terror of an animal waiting for slaughter.  a very good meal.  the blood of a perfect steak.  fighting your worst survival instincts.  a twisted bone.  long nights working out.  more than one heart.  appearance that shapes like clay.  a bag of bones.  bone broth in a pot.  knowing to fear pigs.  the butcher’s shop.  plastic surgery.  something alien inside your body.  a hunger in the gaze laid upon you.  unwitting cannibalism.  forgetting what you used to look like.  being admired for your appearance and appearance only.  teeth marks on skin.  scars from wounds that should’ve killed you.  cooking in scarcity.  fenced in with one way to go.

vi.  the end. //  the last page of a book.  nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares.  a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain.  ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death.  as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object.  a dream where you die.  closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one.  knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it.  a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness.  watching your own burial.  causing your own burial.  the smell of death.  numbness to fear.  words from someone gone.  meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe.  multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

vii.  the eye. //  googling something you shouldn’t have.  eureka moments.  the unforgiving lens of a camera.  witness reports.  hidden libraries.  eyes of different colours.  feeling of being watched.  a death recorded in tape.  a tragedy you can’t look away from.  endangering yourself for knowledge.  truth.  analog records.  a symbol of an eye.  a watch tower.  compulsion to document.  turning on recording devices without thinking about it.  saving the evidence before the person.  extracting information.  truth or dare, without the dare.  a thirst for knowledge.  books that speak to you.  coordinated shelves.  cataloguing systems.  voyeurism.  police report you can’t put down.  reasoning your way out.  smell of old papers.  books that read you back.

not all of his emotions are shallow in this way. a majority of positive emotions are encouraged, and even amplified, making the outsider himself an “experiment” of the void. curiosity, attachment, fascination, adoration — all of these are strong stimulants, and guide his actions.

the outsider is a completely different person from the man he was before. if he were stripped of his power, returned to an ordinary human state, he would be far more meek and terrified. worst all, it’s likely he would border on madness for a long, long time before becoming relatively emotionally stable. 

he does feel sincere love. none of his feelings are fabricated; his state of mind simply emboldens him and encourages action, meaning there’s little in the way in terms of anxious hesitation. however—  suppressed fear means “losing” this isn’t as terrifying as it is to the average human being*.

reckless, passionate behavior is always rewarded, making (often unprotected) sex a guarantee the moment it’s “appropriate” (see: a situationship at the very least)** and mutually desired. and yes, conceiving is possible.. it’s rare, but possible (his body is functional in that way, a sick joke on its own). it’s also a mystery what will happen if he does conceive a child (will the void merge with their soul? will they become a demi-god?), considering he’s never carried to term before.

despite all this, his sexuality doesn’t influence who he chooses to be marked. the sole requirement is potential. will history remember them?  what will they do with this power?  whether or not he approves of their choices is another question entirely.

“  am i going insane?  ”  @nursewashing asks, seeking something eden recognizes immediately, breaking the tense silence they shared. she blinks once, twice, shakes her head, and reaches for anya’s hands. anya’s statement is raw, candor burning through each syllable, forcing the woman’s feet to the rusty ground. 

“ n-no, not at all. ”  uncertain of how she retains the words said to her, eden takes a moment to recall the subject at hand:  they were talking about uh, well… their unfortunate circumstances.  it’s taking everything in her not to panic, which results in those “daydreams” that swallow her—-  awareness makes it worse, and the guilt digs its filthy talons deeper into her chest, slipping between the ivory of her ribs. ping-ponging between unbridled rage and dissociation, her incompetence is a growing anchor attached to her ankle, one pushing her head under water. her drowning is inevitable, and perhaps it’s for the better. anya deserves better than someone like me, is her sole thought. 

yet it doesn’t keep her from squeezing her hand. 

pre-established relationship meme / accepting!

alright here are some earnest estimations...

EDEN. 

FRIENDS.   childhood friends  /  work friends  /  family friends  /  recently friends  /  turning antagonistic  /  turning into something romantic  /  stable  /  falling apart  /  friendship of need  /  friendship of circumstance / pen - pals or internet friends  /  coworkers  /  partners  /  other .

here’s the thing… if you ask me, they’re capable of being friends. it might be a little bit of a struggle (especially on eden’s side LOL), but it’s a real possibility. if they meet around 1999-2000, there’s a great chance eden’s excitement at the thought of meeting someone a bit more open minded would overtake any and all hesitation she harbors, increasing her efforts. and i think, in a weird way, she would see herself in kaiji—- the fact he’s not particularly social, at rock bottom, struggling in every way and has an honest heart… it’d appeal to her, and incentivize her to express sincere interest in him as a person. she’s also capable of aiding him in whatever goals he has; her stand’s ability to eavesdrop and transfer information undoubtedly has its perks irt being one step ahead of the enemy, and planning around their strategies. her intentions are sincere, even if/she runs her mouth often, and she’s willing to put in the work to prove herself! that is… if kaiji wants her to.  

so, what about this as a vague plot:  what if they end up in a Situation™ together, forcing them to bond together and fight off whatever individual’s in their way. perhaps they got off on the wrong foot, and there’s irritation brimming each spoken word, irritation in dire need of dismissal as, if they don’t get their shit together, will destroy both of them.  🫣

ROMANCE.   childhood sweethearts  /  newly entered  /  soulmates  /  skinny love  /  unrequited from my muses side  /  unrequited from your muses side  /  friends with benefits  /  awkward  /  fading  /  turning  toxic  /  toxic  and  destructive  /  other .

FAMILIAL BOND.   sibling bond  /  older sibling figure to your muse  /  younger sibling figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal  guardian  /  other .

once they get past that awkies early friendship stage, i can quickly see them mimicking that “you’re the older brother/younger sister i’ve never had” dynamic; particularly one where eden isn’t even aware that’s happening. sadly, the only siblings she has are brothers, of whom the first she meets when she’s already an adult; she isn’t certain how to navigate these relationships either, but damn she would try!!! 

ENEMIES.   dangerous to themselves  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  passionate  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into a sexual tension  /  developing into a romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based off circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based off misunderstandings or lies  /  other .

eden’s prone to assume ill intentions in others.  it’s not a trait she’s proud of, but that’s what poor experiences do to a woman. so if kaiji says something and she interprets it wrong, her belief is likely that it’s a premeditated attempt to hurt. unfortunately, that can blossom into a strong grudge if not properly taken care of—- which… you know, without intervention, could happen… and will linger for a while after. i wouldn’t be surprised if this were the obstacle blocking any sincere friendship attempts. 

HANAMARU.

FRIENDS.   childhood friends  /  work friends  /  family friends  /  recently friends  /  turning antagonistic  /  turning into something romantic  /  stable  /  falling apart  /  friendship of need  /  friendship of circumstance / pen - pals or internet friends  /  coworkers  /  partners  /  other . 

ROMANCE.   childhood sweethearts  /  newly entered  /  soulmates  /  skinny love  /  unrequited from my muses side  /  unrequited from your muses side  /  friends with benefits  /  awkward  /  fading  /  turning  toxic  /  toxic  and  destructive  /  other .

FAMILIAL BOND.   sibling bond  /  older sibling figure to your muse  /  younger sibling figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal  guardian  /  other .

alright, assuming that kaiji stays in giorno’s life beyond them solving his issues with teiai together and keeping kaiji out of harm’s way, him meeting hanamaru might become… inevitable.  despite giorno’s many efforts to separate work and his private life, one tends to bleed into the other, particularly once he grows fond of someone. so imagine this:  giorno trusts kaiji enough to bring him over to his actual, concealed home, and hanamaru is there, relatively young and curious. this is how they’re introduced to one another: the child of kaiji’s friend approaches him and immediately wants to know everything about him. a breath of fresh air in a sea of drama and tension perhaps…

however… there’s always the option for there to be an Issue when she’s older. maybe the issue is related to hanamaru getting herself into trouble, because she is a rather unwise, curious teen with strong impulses. maybe her cringe self entrusts kaiji with certain information (perhaps she flirts with gambling … which may just have serious consequences if she decides to continue) in an attempt to impress him, only for that to backfire one way or another!!

ENEMIES.   dangerous to themselves  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  passionate  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into a sexual tension  /  developing into a romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based off circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based off misunderstandings or lies  /  other .