speak up

what this anon need to do is call them right out and drop them as a friend a whole,and on top of that tell me who this stink ass is.

first of all, i would like to say that i would encourage you to bring it up. it’s a very big issue, especially with culture appropriation, that needs to be addressed in the rpc. it’s not the most important thing in the world, but more micro aggressions will change people’s mindset, joking or not.

i hate to say it, but the first method i would attempt to use would be via anon. it can be really uncomfortable, approaching friends. the backlash from doing that is they may feel attacked, since this random person who, for all they know, could be a complete stranger is ‘ telling them how to live their lives. ’

i would send something in that is not around the lines of ‘ you have to do this, ’ but rather, ‘ it hurts people when cultures who have been oppressed are mimicked in terms of language & such. i don’t mean to be accusatory, but would you mind not using the n slur? if you need clarification by what i mean by that, i can send something else. but it is offensive to that culture. ’ ( optional addition: ‘ regardless of you being a poc or not, if you’re still from a different culture that that word is born from & refers to, it makes people uncomfortable, and can be read as being insensitive or inconsiderate. ’ )

if anon is off, or if that didn’t work, or simply if you’re not comfortable with that, i would say something along the same lines. or, if not restricting them completely (even though it is a completely valid point / ‘ restriction ’), something like ‘ it makes me uncomfortable because [insert the stuff from the above anon ask] & i was wondering if you wouldn’t use it in my presence? sorry if i sound really rude or offensive. ’

first of all, it’s great that you’re taking the initiative! chances are, most people have too many drafts to get that right now, since they’re prioritizing their friends / mains / exclusives. i doubt most of them have deleted it. one thing i suggest is to read the post posted right before this — people have a lot of stress on their minds, and it’s important to keep in mind that this is a hobby.

however. this is not what you’re asking. it’s perfectly legitimate to go on a mass unfollowing spree, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. i know people who do that just because they’re following “ too many people, ” and if that makes them more comfortable, i say do it!

if it’s going to cause you even more stress, i wouldn’t do a mass one, just first check for inactives and nonmutuals. after that, i used to go through my followers one at a time and send them something, most likely one of the memes that they’ve reblogged. (more recent followers especially, as they tend to be more enthusiastic about being approached.)

chances are they’re waiting for people to approach them, but they worry about sending something in without getting a reply, or that it’ll add a draft to the other person to work on and that they’re a nuisance. that’s obviously not the case, so i would do that!

ooc troubles are common, and if you’re saying something like “ wanna rp, ” that can make people very uncomfortable, especially if you don’t have an idea beforehand. however, if you have one and then they say no, you may feel like it’s a waste of time. thus, i would suggest sending in a meme, start a thread, check the muses’ dynamic with each other, and then plot based on that. (i.e., they’re getting along, so i’m wondering what you’re thinking of a friendship? maybe they see each other often in x place, since they both go there?)

lastly, this is a totally valid thing to feel! just remember that old saying that “ they’re more scared of you than you are of them, ” and that that’s common, even online where you’re not really interacting with them in real life. anxiety is a b-.

so get out there! especially sending memes to one person at a time in your followers is nice because it’s likely there’s gonna be a couple of people who reply quickly, and others slowly, so it spreads out! just try not to get too overwhelmed!

not sure if you were looking for advice or not, but i’ll do my best regardless! frankly, people prefer if you don’t reply asap, trust me. they have other drafts and stuff to get to, and to see the same thread popping up can be annoying.

and if they don’t, and they have few interactions, that should not be something that you should feel guilt over. if they do not understand that you have other things to be done, and that real life is a priority, then they are not a good partner. don’t feel guilted into writing.

this should not be a chore, and i know that can be hard to accept.

however. a good thing to do with this is put everything in the queue. i know that helped me. that way, even if i did respond right away, it didn’t bother them, and it was relaxing for me to know that i had finished what i was “ supposed ” to. makes you feel productive. and if you spontaneously decide you would rather post it, it’s no problem! your blog will not be inactive if you continue to do this, and thus it’s easier to not feel guilty over not getting other things done.

hope this helps!

// What I'd do is talk to them about it. They might not know how much it's affecting you, and I promise nobody wants to make someone they trust enough to talk about such things feel that way to begin with. It might hurt their feelings a little bit, but make sure they understand you're still friends and you're there to support them in other ways.

//I can't really add much other than a saying that's helped me with the same problem: "you can't help others until you help yourself." It takes a lot of energy to give advice, and if you're not replenishing that energy by doing something to relax or something that you enjoy, then there won't be anything left in you to give advice! You're very important, so if you're getting overwhelmed with anything, take a step back and ask yourself how you can improve the situation!! :)

hello, friend! as someone who’s experienced this many times myself—and lost friendships over this—it’s definitely a tricky issue. we should all strive to be there for our friends in the tough times and help them when they’re in need. however, a friendship should also be a relatively equal playing field. you should feel comfortable coming to them with your problems as well, and friendships should be based upon more than just treating a friend as you would a therapist. try and take stock of your friendships: do they listen and offer support when you need it as well, or do conversations solely revolve around them? do they share the positive things in their life with you? of course, your own mental health comes first and it isn’t realistic to devote all of your time to helping others. a good friend will be understanding and respectful of that and not push you beyond your limit. it may be best to have an honest conversation with the friends you’re struggling with and say something like, “I want to be there for you, but I’m feeling overwhelmed at the moment and need to take a breather for myself.” some friends may also not know where else to turn, so it may also be helpful to suggest seeking outside help, such as a counselor. you have to keep yourself safe and it’s important to maintain healthy boundaries with friends and loved ones! 

One way I've dealt with this personally since I came from a fandom that has similar issues to just steer away from that fandom in general. Don't let them stop you from roleplaying a muse you generally enjoy. I pulled my blog away from the original fandom and I've never been more happy writing my muse than I have right now.