EXPLOSIVE URCHIN

#12: Drake & Future - Jumpman

Although this song’s music is definitely what I’d call another triumph for producer Metro Boomin, the extremely repetitive lyrics really let it down in several places. Seriously, I like this shit, but can you guys stop saying the word “jumpman” 47 times in a row every time you start a verse???

Really, take a look at these lyrics:

What the fuck is this??? What kind of musical expression do you honestly get from repeating the same shit over and over and over again??? I mean I guess it worked out anyways because the song is at #12, which is a pretty decent accomplishment for anybody, especially a “harder” hip-hop track. It’s also funny to note more crow noises getting popular after this track hit a while back.

#17: Ellie Goulding - On My Mind

Ellie Goulding has one of those weird, whisper-y kind of voices that honestly just doesn’t make the best fit for a lot of musical settings, and I’m pretty sure this is one of them, especially when the bridge hits. Although this is a decent typical pop song and there are some good parts where she starts to sound less like an alien in disguise, I just can’t shake the feeling that this would’ve come out a lot better with a different singer.

#20: The Chainsmokers - Roses ft. ROZES

If you could somehow ignore what is arguably the most important part of a song nowadays, the hook, then I have a feeling that this song wouldn’t be too bad. Then all you’d have to get past is the repetitive, annoying ass synth clicking and that odd feeling of pressure the main synth puts on your brain, which I’m assuming isn’t due to my ears bleeding from sitting through the hook.

After this and “On My Mind” I’m starting to get a little sick of the “white girl + urban-influenced beat” thing that’s been popular for quite some time now. There are good ways to do it and... well, these ways to do it.

#22: Taylor Swift - Wildest Dreams

Is there anybody in America who doesn’t just kind of roll their eyes really fucking hard at this song? Maybe it’s because I’m not a young girl/woman or a huge fan of Taylor Swift’s (yet), but there’s something uniquely exasperating about this track, which is a bit surprising to me given how good her other 1989 singles have been.

The combination of her higher range and the lovey-dovey lyrics just makes this song really exhausting to me; it’s almost like she stepped back in time a few years to make something her younger self would be more proud of. And that’s without even mentioning how goddamn melodramatic the video is. But I always like to give credit where credit is due, and I have to say that the bridge is markedly better than the rest of the track.

#23: Elle King - Ex’s and Oh’s

I can’t exactly put my finger on why this song seems so awful to me: it’s almost like there’s so much wrong with it in so many subtle ways that I can’t figure out what to point my finger at, other than that annoying scratchy quality in one of the guitars and of course her voice when she gets really into it.