This World Gave Me You

        He nodded and slid his hand gently into yours, intertwining your fingers together. You leaned into his side and laid your head on his shoulder. You took in a deep breath of air, enjoying his scent. His cologne smelling fresh but also a hint of spice. He rubbed his thumb gently across yours and bobbed his head to the beat of the music. You watched as a pink light flashed on him and your breath hitched at how beautiful Jongdae appeared. The way the light accentuated his perfect jaw line and his ravishing lips.

        You chewed on your bottom lip and moved closer practically sitting in his lap. He chuckled and removed his hand from yours, softly placing his arm around your waist. You nuzzled your head into the small of his neck and took in more of his scent. His cologne having more of an effect on you than the alcohol did. He placed his free hand nonchalantly on your knee and continued to look out into the party scene.

        You peered into the dark living room while Jongdae began rubbing small circles on your knee. This party wasn’t too bad with his company. You caught the sight of his best friend roaming around a bit and you stiffened up. He began calling out your name and you clicked your tongue. He was looking for you with purple lipstick smeared on his chin. Jongdae turned towards you waiting for your cue. Were you heading towards the other man or going to stay beside him? Either way it didn’t matter, because he’d get your number.

        You rolled your eyes and stood up. Jongdae looked up at you as you grabbed his forearm and tugged on him slightly. He stood up slowly and followed your lead through the quiet areas of the house. You let out a sigh of relief as the faint sound of the music grew distant. You walked further into the house and opened the door to a random room, finding two people making noises. Your eyes widened, and you slammed the door shut. Jongdae chuckled and stepped in front of you. He knew which room would be empty, since he was the hosts best friend. You let go of his hand and wrapped your arms around his waist, placing your head on his back. His scent intoxicating you once more. You placed a small kiss on his shoulder as he swung a door open. He pulled your hands away from his waist and grabbed your arm to pull you in front of him. His strong arms wrapped around your waist and tugged your body closer to his. You giggled as a smile lit up his face while he led you into the room, and shutting the door behind him.

        “You’re gorgeous,” he whispered as he swayed with you in his arms. You let out a brazen chuckle and raised your eyebrow. “How gorgeous?” You whispered back. Jongdae winked and leaned in to your face. He placed gentle kisses along your jaw line leaving you wanting more. Your arms slid around his neck as he continued kissing along your jaw. He let out a breath of air before pressing his lips against yours. You followed his lead and your lips moved in sync with his. You were getting drunk off his taste. His scent had only intoxicated you so much, but his lips had brought you a high you had never felt before. He removed his right arm around your waist and gently caressed your cheek. He lightly stroked your cheek with his thumb, which only made you want even more.

        You froze up as the door swung open and light from the hallway peered in. You heard his best friend calling your name and jongdae pulled your body tighter into his embrace and began kissing along your jawline. He knew his best friend was too drunk to recognize you in the dark. His left arm held your stiff embrace as his right hand moved from your cheek to your hair. He began running his fingers through your hair in attempt to calm you down.

        His best friend let out a deep sigh realizing Jongdae was making out with someone, not realizing it was you. You watched as the light that poured in had disappeared when he slammed the door shut. His footsteps led away from the door and you let out deep breath of air. Your body loosened up and you planted your forehead against Jongdae’s shoulder. He let out a chuckle and continued to run his fingers through your hair. You pulled away from him and chuckled at how exciting this whole situation was. “This has been fun, but how about we enjoy the moonlight?”

        The smile on Chanyeol’s lips disappeared into straight lines. You both stared blankly in each other’s eyes. It was something neither of you wanted to talk about, yet it was coming so close. You at least had a few months left, but he only had days left. A sigh escaped your lips and Chanyeol shook his head. “I’m here to help you with science.” He muttered sternly. You shook your head and sat closer to him. “What are we gonna do?” You mumbled with tears pricking your eyes. He stood up slightly and ran his fingers through his hair. “We’ll figure it out!” He shouted frustrated. You bit your lip in attempt to hold back your tears. He was ready to storm off but calmed himself the minute he saw your state. He sat back down on the bed and placed his hands on your shoulders. “We’ll figure it out okay. We have each other, and we can stay until graduation. At least we have each other, right?” A smile curled on his lips as he stared back at you. You blinked quickly to keep your tears from falling and nodded. Chanyeol winked and gave you a quick hug. After letting go he grabbed your paper and circled all the answers and handed it back to you.

        “I gotta go before Minnie catches us, it’s curfew.” You nodded, and he patted your back gently. You watched as his frame disappeared through your door and vanished into the hallway. You let out another sigh and closed the door to your room. You turned off the lights and slipped into your bed. Another sleepless night while spiraling off into your thoughts. For the past two months this was your routine. Your fears were consuming you and disturbing your sleep. Chanyeol always made fun of you and said you looked like a panda because of the bags under your eyes. Of course, he always looked out for you when you napped during homeroom. But, in all honesty no matter how hard you tried your thoughts haunted you and you couldn’t fall asleep. What would life be like once you were on your own? Would you and Chanyeol really get an apartment together? Or would he just abandon you the minute his birthday came? You swatted that thought out of your head knowing he’d scold you if he knew you were thinking about that. He had always promised he’d never leave your side, as you never left his. You remember seeing a frazzled Chanyeol following Minnie around as he gave him a tour of the place. Minnie had introduced you two and right away you had asked him to come with you to make hot chocolate. Ever since then you two had been inseparable.

        Although, you were now numb to your situation you knew Chanyeol was quite angry about it. Of course, he hid his anger but because you both were close you knew.  He had spent a few years with his mom, this was different for him. Whereas you never knew what it was like having parents or siblings. There were times you were frustrated by it, but you didn’t know what having a family felt like. You were so grateful for Chanyeol because he was the small slice of home you could experience. He gave you a taste of what perhaps it might be like.

        Thoughts spiraling in your head had you watch as the sun rose. You turned over and glared at the clock, the red numbers glared back at you. Soon Minnie would come over and wake you to get ready for school. You stared at the clock knowing the morning would be rough without any sleep. However, you watched as the red numbers symbolled that an hour had past and was now seven. You sat up wondering why Minnie hadn’t come barging in to wake you.

        It wasn’t until you heard screaming from the other side of the hallway. Out of curiosity you got up and slipped your shoes on. The screaming grew louder as you grew closer to the door. When you reached for the knob your door swung open and revealed a tiny child with frantic eyes. “It’s Chanyeol, he’s upset!” You nodded towards the child and sprinted down the hallway. Once you finally reached Chanyeol, you gasped at the state he was in. His wide eyes were now small and tears streamed down his face. His face was swollen and the top of his ears tinged with red. You watched as the veins in his neck strained as he continued shouting. You watched as he crumpled up a paper in his hands and slammed it against the wall. “Chan- Chanyeol!” Minnie yelled several times at him and tried his best to calm him down. You watched as Minnie’s head turned and he motioned for you to come and help him out.

        You strided towards the frantic Chanyeol and stood before him. He sniffled, and his chest rose and fell rapidly. You watched him as he let out one last scream and dropped to his knees. Minnie tapped your shoulder and placed the ball of paper in your hands. He half smiled and nodded at you one last time. You watched as Minnie sighed and walked towards the crowd of kids that had formed at the end of the hallway. You peered down at the ball in your hands and sat in front of Chanyeol. Sniffles were all that you could hear coming out of him. Chanyeol raised his head and snatched the ball out of your hands. You watched as he sneered and crushed the ball further with his hands. A hysterical laugh escaped his lips and he peered at you. His eyes grew dark and glossed over. “I hate that woman,” he sneered. More laughter escaped his lips and you stared blankly at him. You had never seen him this upset and knew that it was best for him to get whatever bothered him off his chest. He gulped air and crushed the ball more. “She thinks that after abandoning me, I’d want to be with her?” You watched as he began breathing heavy and you placed your hand on his knee in hopes that it would calm down. However, his anger had riled him up. “Apparently she got her life together!” He shouted while laughing. His laughter rang through the halls and he held up his hand with the balled-up paper. “SHE SAID MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT IS TO MOVE IN WITH HER!” You watched as Chanyeol’s face began turning red. “I hate her! I hate her!” He hissed with his jaw clenched. You reached out to grab the ball from his hands and he violently pushed you from reaching it. He stood up and tugged at his own hair. Letting out a sob his arm slung back to throw the ball of paper.

        You felt horrible for not letting him in on how you were doing. You just couldn’t even fathom the feelings you were feeling. How could you explain to him what you were feeling, if you didn’t even know what you were feeling? You felt embarrassed that you were at such a low. Of course, there was no need to feel embarrassed but, you still felt silly. Fortunately, he had been so busy that he only had time to text you lately. You’d mainly ask how he was doing rather than the other way around. However, seeing you in this state made him feel guilty for not taking the time to text you about how you were doing.

“Honey, are you okay?” You felt your stomach twist in knots and felt tears threatening to spill over. His voice was so gentle and soothing. The way he emphasized your pet name made you feel horrible for not letting him know that you were having a tough time. You stood there frozen as your boyfriend stepped closer to you but kept his distance not knowing if you needed him too close to you. “Honey?” His words brought you out of your intrusive thoughts. Your eyes met with his and your body began shaking. Your eyes landed on the floor as you fiddled with your fingers. Tears welled up in your eyes and you gasped for air as they spilled over and streamed down your cheeks.

Your boyfriend inched closer to you and opened his arms waiting for you to embrace him. He watched as you chewed on your lip and your tears stained your cheeks. His heart tore at the sight of you fighting your tears. He watched as you gasped again for air and crumbled to your feet. Allowing himself to break the space that you needed, he grew closer to you and enveloped your body in his arms. You buried your face into his chest and stained his blue button up with your tears. He hummed gently as he held you in his arms. His fingers delicately ran through your hair to help calm you down.

Being in his arms is what you so desperately needed after having such a difficult time. “Jongin,“ You choked out barely even able to breath. His kind eyes peered down and met with yours. “mm?” He mumbled. You shook your head and buried your head into the crook of his neck. He slightly tightened his embrace and rocked you gently.

“It’s okay to cry,” he whispered.  You sniffled at his words and nodded lightly. The both of you stayed there for some time before you broke the silence. “What are you doing here?” He chuckled at your words. “I just felt like I needed to see you.” You nodded again before he looked down at you again. “Should I order some take out?” His words were so soft and sounded like a whisper. You nodded slightly, realizing you hadn’t really eaten anything all day. “Why don’t you change into some comfy clothes while I order food?” He stood up and swiftly placed you on your feet.

You sheepishly smiled at him and gave a half smile. “The usual please,” you mumbled. A sweet smile arose on his lips. “Of course, honey.” He motioned for you to go change your clothes and you nodded. Your feet dragged your body through the hallway and into your room. Your body felt heavy and all the exhaustion tugged at you. But, you were so happy that Jongin was here to be beside you.

Once you had changed into comfortable clothes and tied up your hair, you made your way back into the living room. Jongin was sat on the couch and his head popped up to look at you. You smiled slightly at him and he winked. “The food is on its way and I ordered some desert too.” You grinned at his words and sat beside him. He scooted closer to you and wrapped his arms around you again. “Your bear is always here for you,” he cooed. You snickered at his words. Your pet name was honey, since he always cuddled you as if he were a bear.

Once the food arrived, he watched as you scarfed the food down. He shook his head and pouted his lip. “You haven’t been eating.” His voice was low, and you frowned knowing how concerned he’d be. “I haven’t had time,” you trailed off. He added more food to your plate and sighed. He watched as your head bowed and he crawled over to your side and kissed your cheek. “I’m not trying to scold you. I’m just sad that it’s been so tough for you that you haven’t had time to eat.” You nodded and watched as his eyes lingered on you, his face was filled with worry and sadness.

Finishing up the last of the food, he turned towards you. “Please let me know when you’re having a hard time. I feel so bad that I didn’t check in on you properly.” You nodded and sighed. “I’m sorry, I feel bad that I didn’t tell you. But.. to be honest I wasn’t sure what these feelings were. How can I explain to you if I don’t even know what’s going on?” He nodded at your words. “It’s okay to not understand your feelings, but please let me know when you start feeling odd. I love that you’re always supporting me and comforting me. But, I’d like to do the same for you. It’s not fair if you’re dealing with these feelings alone but, helping me with my feelings.” You watched as he trailed off and his face turned towards you again. “Did you not tell me because you thought I was already too busy?”

You watched as Jongin’s face flushed with guilt and you shook your head instantly. “No, I just wasn’t sure what was going on. I didn’t tell you because I couldn’t even understand myself.” Jongin nodded and let out a sigh of relief. He was worried that you didn’t want to tell him because he was already busy, but that wasn’t true. He’d always make time for you no matter how busy he was.

A kind smile spread across his lips as he turned towards you. “How about we put on a movie and put on face masks?” You giggled knowing that two minutes into the movie Jongin would fall asleep. Whenever he was at your apartment and you two tried watching movies he’d always fall asleep. He let you pick out the movie and he picked out the face masks. Your feet lead you to the pile of movies you had, and you picked out a studio Ghibli movie since they always helped you relax. You watched as he returned with two face masks that had animal faces on them.

He held the face masks up and laughed. You laughed with him as you saw the animal faces on the masks. There was a bear face mask and a bee mask. After putting the movie on the two of you sat on the couches covered in blankets. The sweet comfortable silence filled the air. His arms were gently wrapped around your frame. Your head lay on his chest and you felt his chest rise and fall as he took in and exhaled every breath. His fingers gently ran through your hair. The movie was only background noise to you enjoying being in Jongin’s arms. You heard his snickers and laughs as the funny scenes passed.