nobody's wife's diary

and today it’s just like trying to talk about the fact that i’m discussing with my boyfriend of half a year whether we should get married as an international couple because of policy changes. which is not a light decision in any way. we don’t have our own house together yet, it’s only been that long, etc. but i have never had a partner who was actually an equal partner like he is to me. and i have more time and bandwidth to actually do things i want to do in between working crazy because i’m with someone who materially (and emotionally) takes care of me in so many ways beyond just lip service or absorbing the benefits of my knowledge and skills and domestic labor and Time. i want to spend every day with him not because i Have to but because i want to. i want to get married and have a life and kids together if that works. i would rather do that on our own time, but if getting married could be the difference between continuing our life together or being torn across borders i would regret not just getting married

i’m so like. my mom who was like bullying me for breaking up with my ex for over a year any time i tried to talk to her about it, both before and after we broke up is now on this insane contrarian bullshit and transference about her anger at fucked up things in her life all this shit about my dad hiding things from her that happened years ago and equating it with anyone withholding any information from her for any length of time (because she has completely inappropriate reactions to things that every other family member has to try to manage). which is so silly because as far as i know it was one very fucked up instance of him not telling her about him quitting a job for a few months when i was a kid, all the other things she alludes to him hiding from her as i understand it is things other family members share in confidence or like horrific childhood trauma he couldn’t talk to anyone about until after many years of being married. i just don’t think it’s fair to anyone this perpetual suspicion and victimizing any time anyone shares something with her that she wasn’t the first to hear about all while she’s insulting my ability to make decisions in my own life or relationships or throwing out insane unrelated counterpoints just to get the last word in.

dude my boobs keep getting bigger even though i’ve lost weight and i just can’t hang with what this is doing to me i actually have to wear a bra now for comfortability. rip my ability to jog without chest pain

accidentally revealing my rational-crank beliefs to my coworkers because i went crazy while waiting for the age inappropriate couple making out in the corner and an old woman who only tipped 15% despite getting perfect service to leave for over an hour after an already slow night. well whatever my other belief is that constantly being annoyed while still making better money than i’ve made at any other restaurant job with however they’re cooking the books is taking years off my life

what pictures can i bring to show i want SJP carrie bradshaw style highlights/balayage without the embarrassment of bringing satc screenshots to a hairdresser

well whatever i got a lot of good schemes in the works and one of my bosses keeps telling other people that me and the other server who works everyday who he picks on every other day are “indispensable” so job security win for us now if he could just stop over scheduling staff (because he doesn’t know how to be a GM) so we could continue to make some real money…….

trying to enter the ebay listing flow state because i want everything out of my house