BIG SMILER INC.

animal transformation is one of the most slept on superpowers to have in real life. I could walk around as an elephant in North America and then disappear off the face of the Earth forever. I could fly inconspicuously. I could be the stray cat you feed for free because I'm adorable. I could-- *gets grabbed by a carnivorous squirrel squealing to my death because I'm a shrew typing this*

every time I slap my belly a mountain lion snarls from the bushes nearby

my loadout comes with three kraymores and a lee-seinfeld

ranch is such a spillable substance. once it's out of the bottle sometimes I'm scared I won't be able to stop pouring, it's just so good at getting out of containment in mass quantities. if I made a mess with ranch in your house I don't think you could even blame me

mad max fury road bootleg where everything is the same except the war boys spraypaint their mouths chroma key green

does come drip, plop, or plugh. I'm writing... a novella

new slang term: Whinja. a bloke who sneaks into your house at night, silently, and waits until morning to complain about some bullshit while you're enjoying the cup o bean

mike shinoda is teaming up with peter griffin for the 21th anniversary of the rising tied to create an epic new music video that's just three minutes of mike and peter taking turns going off a ramp on their miniature BMX bikes

the lonely goomba is genuinely so lucky to be alive. what kind of mario doesn't ruthlessly slaughter all the goombas he sees without mercy forever