📵

the loading screen lags — because of course it does, it had to be today of all days that his internet decides to act up — and he hisses under his breath, leg tapping impatiently beneath his desk. he sifts through the clutter on the table until he finds his glasses, shoving them onto his face just as the webpage comes into view. he makes a mental note to clean over the weekend.

welcome to joyixa, the #1 place to watch and interact with your favorite streamers, gamers, and more! please enter your login information or create a new account.

gojo types in his username with a speed that borders on frantic. it's muscle memory, automatic at this point. he's lost count of the amount of times he's put himself through this exact routine, he could probably do it blindfolded. he glances at his phone, heart dropping when he sees you've already been online for a whopping 5 minutes and he still hasn't made it past the front page of the site.

then, the unthinkable happens.

oops!

your password has expired and must be changed. please enter your email address to start the password restart process. you may —

"are you fucking kidding me, again?" gojo sighs so hard he thinks his lungs flatten, one shaky finger pushing up the center of his glasses as the others continue to do their best to get this grueling task over with as fast as possible.

even in his haste, he still has half a mind to wonder what you're doing. he always is. he wonders what cosplay you've got on. if your hair is still in those pretty little pigtails like they were last week. if you've opted to go for coffin or square nails (he voted in chat for coffin). he wonders what music you're listening to so he can swiftly add them to the playlist he's made of every song you've ever had playing in the background.

when the reset link hits his inbox, he clicks it so fast he nearly misses, hands just unsteady enough to be annoying. new password. confirm password. something secure, something he won’t forget — no, something he can’t forget.

done. enter. load. load. load.

"i swear to god, if this — "

the page refreshes and he doesn't breathe until he's back in, cursor speeding to his favorites tab and obediently clicking on the only profile on the list. yours. always yours.

when he sees that you're still on, he finally lets the air in. but the feeling doesn't last long. the second his pale blue eyes land on your webcam, it's like the wind's been knocked clean out of him, pupils blown wide.

you're sitting in your signature baby pink chair, one leg bent up for comfort, and a pair of soft kitten ears resting on top of your head. he leans in, taking in every detail like he expects you to vanish if he looks away too long. your top is decorated with intricate lace and shining silk, puffed sleeves, and printed cat paws resting on your chest, practically taunting him. you've got a wig on this time, a rare sight nowadays, with soft curls flowing gracefully down your shoulders and framing your face like art. if he was a complete creep, he'd take some screenshots.

he only takes one.

gojo shoves his headphones on just in time to catch you let out a gentle laugh at someone in chat. something selfish in his chest twists. tuh. can't be that funny. chat's moving fast. too fast. the message box blinks up at him, waiting.

say something. anything. don't overthink it. just...be cool. yeah. be cool.

certified_6ixeyes: joyixa tried to lock me out again.

the second he hits send, he wishes he hadn't, a sharp wave of regret washing over every cell in his body. wow. real fucking smooth there, satoru. couldn't think of anything better to say? a stressed hand runs through his already disheveled white hair, mussed from a rough night sleep he can only discern is caused by his endless, persistent thoughts of you. part of him hopes you respond or at least see it in passing so he knows his awkward admission earned a moment of your attention. the other part of him hopes it gets lost in the sea of other chatters. you'd look beautiful doing either, he's sure.

he watches you take a sip of your drink, glossy pink lips wrapping gently around the plastic straw in a way that makes his breath catch, a small tent growing beneath the cotton fabric of his sweatpants. he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel a little guilty about all this. but he can't help it. from the moment he first wandered into your stream, he was hooked.

you were playing one of his favorite games of all time, making the same comments he would be making, raged at the same moments where he felt like he was losing his shit, shed tears at the same cutscenes that had him blubbering like a baby. you were completely engrossed in the gameplay and the story. so much so that he felt like he was right there with you.

all those years of sitting alone at lunch with a nintendo switch being his only source of companionship. being picked last for the team games during gym because he was too tall and lanky. standing against the wall during prom in his too-expensive rented tux and watching every other guy in his class slow dance with their dates. the hours upon hours spent cooped up in the darkness of his bedroom playing that very same game for the nth time in a row.

for the first time in his life, satoru felt seen.

and see him you did.

"oh no! hey, um...certified six eyes, is that how you say it? i'm sorry to hear that, that totally blows," you pout into the mic, and for a second, gojo can't believe what he's hearing. did she just...no. no way. no fucking way. he leans back in his chair, arms raising to grip the hair on his head in disbelief, jaw nearly dragging across the floor.

"holy shit, she's talking to me," he gawks in pure awe, absolutely glowing. "sh-she's really talking to...to me! why the — "

"i hate when that happens, and it's always, like, at the worst times, too!" your voice tilts, light and sympathetic to his very real, very serious struggle, "did you get back in okay?" his stomach flips, snapping himself out of his daze and throwing his hands back on the keyboard to respond before your attention gets yanked elsewhere.

certified_6ixeyes: barely. almost died.

what the hell does that even mean? almost died, seriously? she's gonna think you're such a loser —

but then you laugh. actually laugh. and he's watched you long enough to know when it's out of pity or actually something you find funny. the sound spills through his headphones, warm and easy.

"almost died?" you repeat, smiling now, eyes sparkling. "a bit dramatic, don't you think?"

gojo doesn't realize he's smiling too until his cheeks start to ache. he takes a deep breath.

certified_6ixeyes: you wouldn't get it.

it's a bit of a risk if it doesn't read well, he knows. testy. but you've got him feeling bolder.

your brow lifts at the message, all other chatters forgotten. he watches your lips part ever so slightly, like you're about to say something. you lean closer to the mic, tone dipping just enough to make it feel like a secret, shared just between the two of you.

"oh yeah?" you whisper. "try me."

his pulse spikes, hot and needy. is this real life? what the fuck is going on? the chat explodes, simps flocking in droves, trying their luck at garnering the same reaction out of you. but you're looking right at the camera, like you're waiting for him specifically to respond.

like no one else is there.

he shifts in his seat, a hand coming up to scratch at the bare skin of his neck, suddenly too warm, too aware of himself. his bare torso radiates a heat he knows all too well. it's the same feeling he gets when he's laying in bed after a long day of nonsensical lectures of bullshit he already knows, phone clutched in his right hand as his thumb combs through your instagram, the left palming himself through his thin boxers.

certified_6ixeyes: if i missed, you, yeah. kinda life or death.

certified_6ixeyes: but don't let it get to your head.

"i dunno..." you tease, voice almost sing-song now. "kinda already has."

your stream carries on as usual, but gojo can't seem to focus no matter how hard he tries, head still spinning from the rush of your interaction earlier as you curse at a player that's been spawn camping for the better part of an hour. deep down, he knows you'll probably forget it ever happened at all by the time you shut off your webcam. if he were a normal person, that feeling should settle him, ground him in the nature of what your relationship actually is — a creator and a viewer.

but every so often, he sees you look back at chat. and every time you do, his eyes lock. like there's a chance you're looking for his username again.

ridiculous. completely and utterly delusional.

he picks up on a catchy melody playing distantly in the background, instructively running it through a song detector and adding it to his collection. but when you respond to some random, his jaw tightens. even worse, they manage to get a giggle out of you with some stupid joke.

of course she's not waiting for you, dumbass. he scoffs under his breath, leaning back in his chair as if creating physical distance between himself and the screen would make it hurt less.

"get a grip, dude." he mutters, pinning his lip between his teeth when you laugh again.

then, like you can hear him, your gaze flicks back up.

"chat's a little brave today," you hum knowingly. "i don't know if i should be encouraging this behavior."

he takes this as an opening.

certified_6ixeyes: that depends.

"oh?" you respond almost too quickly. gojo fights with everything in him to not type 'so what are we?' you go on. "depends on what, six eyes?"

something about having your full and undivided attention again has him feeling dangerous. like he could get away with anything; rob the louvre, hijack a plane, dine and dash (the latter is probably more his speed). still, he bites the bullet.

certified_6ixeyes: only if you can handle it.

"handle it?" a look of mischief flashes over your face. he thinks he even sees the ghost of a smirk. "huh."

there's a beat of silence. then another. had he overstepped? gone a step too far? gojo bites his fist, teeth digging into the skin.

"you're kinda feisty, six eyes," you murmur. his stomach drops.

"i might have to keep an eye on you."

⋆

you're offline for a few days, longer than normal. it's not alarming, but it does have gojo checking his phone like an anxious boyfriend waiting for a text back. he should be fully immersed in the DND campaign playing out before him, breaking down the story arc that's been building over the past few weeks. but the anticipation of your name potentially lighting up his lock screen is enough to keep him half here, half somewhere else entirely.

" — and that's when you hear the door behind you slam shut," geto proclaims, fingers steepled over the table. "something moves within the walls of the — "

"wait," gojo cuts in. two pairs of eyes snap towards him.

a scoff. "you've said 'wait' like six times now," shoko mutters, flipping over her character sheet. "either make a move or die, satoru."

"i will, i will, just..." he trails off, phone already vise-gripped in one hand, thumb flicking down the screen yet again to refresh your page.

no updates.

"if you check your dry ass phone one more time," geto slows. "i'm killing you myself. in this reality."

"alright, fine. i, uh...attack."

"with what?" shoko questions flatly.

"...my sword."

the lukewarm answer earns him a dull hum. "wow. such riveting gameplay."

he hates the way his brain insists on replaying that last conversation with you, if he can even call it that. like some endless loop. picking it apart, analyzing every word, sound, look. glance.

oh yeah? try me.

you're kinda feisty, six eyes.

i might have to keep an eye on you.

he refreshes your page again. nothing.

could it have all just been an act? a playful bit to cater to your male-dominated audience? some kind of sick joke to mess with his feelings? all very likely possibilities. he tells himself to face the facts. you were a highly regarded, highly successful, highly sought after streamer that made a living off of guys like him. you know it. he knows it. he'd be an idiot to believe for a second that he stood any kind of real chance with you, especially after what could only be described as a minute worth of dialogue exchange from a chat box.

"idiot," he mutters, dragging a hand down his face. geto rolls his eyes so hard they hit bone.

"look, if you're gonna keep neglecting the party, we might as well just call it quits now and pick back up next — "

"good idea!" gojo chirps, too eager as he slings his backpack over his shoulder and pushes his chair in. "i'll see you guys next...whenever. i'm gonna — i gotta go check, uh...something. later."

he leaves a puff of smoke behind with the speed he leaves the table with, the doors of the student union swinging shut behind him. shoko pinches the bridge of her nose, a futile attempt to rub away the headache the nerd has so generously given her.

shoko sinks in her seat, palms pressing together in prayer. "please, lord. if you can hear me, give that man some pussy before i lose my mind."

⋆

gojo is very thankful to be one of the few students in his building to have a dorm without a roommate. not only for the luxury of peace and quiet whenever he pleases, but also for the ability to lock his door, strip himself naked, and work up a sweat in the comfort of his own bed with your clips playing on the speakers.

it's mostly for the relief. just something to take the edge off. because yes, your radio silence has been torturous. he can't focus. his sleep schedule's more fucked than it usually is. he can't even indulge in a good campaign without you pounding at the back of his mind. if he was a religious man, he'd think the epitome of hell would be the absence of your voice, your laugh, your teasing lilt that both soothes his nerves and sparks them up like fire. your presence, or lack thereof, has bled into the quiet corners of his life with ease.

he exhales slowly, head tipping back against the pillow when he hears you sigh out of frustration, an arm thrown over his eyes. he thinks of you looking up at him with that pretty smile, on your knees, a soft hand wrapped around his cock. he imagines the grip of his slick fist is the warm, wet suction of your mouth sliding up and down his length.

"ah, fuck...y-yes, baby, just like that," he begs to an empty room, eyes screwed shut, but he sees you in his mind clear as day. he's rock hard, almost solid from the rush of blood pulsing through his body, skin growing damp with want, with need. he rubs a shaking thumb over the angry, leaking tip, gathering the wetness and pretending it's the gloss of your lips. the mere thought has his hips bucking like an animal, wild thrusts into the curve of his hand.

"n-need you so bad right now, baby p-please." his breathing is rapid, gasping as he hurls himself towards the pleasure, desperate to soothe the ache. then, the mental image shifts.

he's flipped you over onto your stomach, folding up your little maid skirt and raising your hips until you bend at the knees. a clear, sticky tear drips down the inside of your thigh as you look back at him, doe-eyes glazed. "you want this cock in your little pussy? yeah? y-you need me to fill you up?" you nod in his dreams, ass swaying like you're some little puppy, wagging your tail just for him. "hah, i - oh, i think i like that."

in the real world, he grips himself tighter, almost violently, milking himself for all he's worth. the thought of being wrapped in your warmth, feeling the pulse of your walls growing tighter around him, the gasps and whines that escape your lips when he hits that sweet spongy spot inside over and over and over again.

he thinks of how you'd sound when you come undone. when he unravels you beneath him, body spent, pussy fluttering around him and holding him inside like a warm hug. that's all it takes for him to start gushing, thick white ropes shooting from his tip and onto his tense abs, a drop hitting the tip of his chin.

"oh my -ah, fuck! fuckfuckfuck. take it all. a-all for you, all for you," he chokes on his words, toned body coated in a wet sheen as he wills his heart to slow back down. your voice through the speakers and the distant sound of his breathing echo through the room. birds chirp outside his window. the muffled chatter of students walking down the hall. gojo sighs.

no matter how close to you he feels in his heart.

he's still just some nerdy college loser alone in his dorm room.

until his phone dings.

chest still heaving, he leans over to grab it from his bedside table, careful not to let the cum on his chest drip onto his sheets. at the sight of his face, the screen lights up.

and it's like the world stops spinning.

“hey,

satoru’s fingers wrapped around your wrist to abruptly get your attention, he held on firmly.

“quit being a sorcerer.”

in that moment, your heart had shattered at the brutal advisement, taking it as criticism— satoru gojo thought you were weak. normally, you could take his playful banter or snarky comments, even keep up with him in that department at times but.. this felt different. did your heart feel achy at his words or the fact that it was him saying it? you snatch your hand away, eyes diluting only a little but he notices.

“face it,

he steps back, satoru didn’t want to hurt you but what else could he do to save you?

“you don’t belong here.” satoru really didn’t want to hurt you.. but your silence and very hurt look only frustrated and alarmed him in ways he didn’t yet know how to handle. why weren’t you saying anything? why did you look so scorned? he was only being honest.

“what?” satoru exclaims, sounding only more insulting and confused.

you didn’t answer him, leaving him to watch as you walked away. satoru felt weirdly hurt. should he have worded it differently?

“it’s true!”

satoru looks over at his best friend, suguru geto. he sat across from him giving him a real judgy look. he continues, “i don’t know why she looked so upset, someone had to tell her!”

geto groans closing the book he was so rudely interrupted from, “dude, i think it’s the way you said it. plus why wouldn’t she be hurt by you of all people?” he stands up, “maybe you should have let the school decide.”

satoru’s face scrunches in pure confusion. “the school?! the school doesn’t care about her! or maybe any of us in that capacity.“

geto raises an eyebrow, “and you do?” satoru freezes up, realizing how he sounds.

“care about her ‘in that capacity’ i mean?”

satoru still says nothing causing a smile to crack on geto’s face. “what exactly is this ‘capacity’ you speak of?” he laughs finally understanding why satoru was freaking out over something he’d assumed he’d never think twice about.

geto leans down gathering his book and phone into his hands, “i think you know how to fix this.”

the bells rings and geto scatters off throughly amused by the lost expression on his best friend’s face. was he really that clueless? were the two of you really the only ones who didn’t notice?

satoru gojo was in love.

you and satoru hadn’t spoken in about week now. he’d also never brought the topic up to geto again.

he noticed you were avoiding him. scurrying away when he was walking over to you and eating lunch with the girls instead of all of you eating as a group with him and geto.

was it really that personal? satoru still didn’t understand, a more cowardly part of him wanted to dismiss you as ‘being emotional’ but it was wrong, something inside felt off.

so he started making his mission to politely stop you, apologize and then everything would be normal again.

he started by just trying to stop you and when that didn’t work, leaving you small gifts with notes but you’d just take the gifts. satoru didn’t want to have to resort to forced proximity but.. here he was confining you into a classroom.

“i don’t want to talk!”

“listen, i’m not gonna let you leave until you stand still and listen.” satoru hadn’t only confined you to a classroom but to a corner. his tall frame inching closer, pulling out his arms every time you tried to move and when you tried to nudge him away? welll.. those efforts were futile.

you were dissolving in anger. “i don’t want to hear what you have to say, okay? you already said exactly how you feel about me!”

“i did?” satoru’s eyebrows raise, “then why are you avoiding me?”

you sighed, your breath was shaky “i’m leaving!”

“i already told you i’m not—“

you groan interrupting him. “this school, satoru.”

the room fills with silence and a strange feeling floods satoru’s heart: desire.

your eyes started to water staring into his face. you didn’t want to be away from him

“t-that still doesn’t explain why your ignoring me,” his tone is softer now, sounding defeated almost.

“i’m the one who told you to leave.”

you take your chances at his softened demeanor lightly pushing him, he only stumbles back slightly before his guard is up again. “you think everything is about you! i-i was already planning to go.”

satoru keeps you in place by the side of your arms this time. “weren’t you going to tell me?”

you read the look in his eyes. why was he getting so frustrated? a tear falls down your cheek, why were you? “of course i was, before you basically cheered me off.”

“what are you talking about?”

the hold on your arms becomes tighter, desperate. “i didn’t cheer you off-“

“really?” your anger is apparent now making satoru feel like he was sinking. “so you being all smug and telling me i ‘don’t belong here’ isn’t you doing that?!”

“no?!” he bites his tongue.

“i’m trying to protect you!”

“why? when have you ever done anything besides hate me?”

“i don’t, i just don’t want you here!” your face drops.

“that’s not what i mean?”

another moment of silent staring consumes him, the two of you kept searching for understanding in each other’s eyes when his gaze accidentally slips to your lips, now tuning out the spouts of confusion falling from them.

he was entranced and with very very little thinking for once wanting be a victim to what his heart held. he leans in, closing the gap in between the two of you. satoru felt you gasp in shock against his lips before finally relaxing.

you trailed your hands up his sides hesitantly, you’d never been this close to him before. only quick touches, often in passing, not knowing the both of your hearts yearned for more.

feeling your embrace, satoru’s heart skips a beat. he moves his hands to cup your cheeks, pulling you closer he didn’t want to let go— but this was never going to be his fairytale and he had to.

satoru pulls away from you drawing a look of loss out of your tear stained face. he understood it now, all of the signs, he’d never felt so oblivious to something before.

how could he not see?

satoru felt a strong sensation in his chest. “i’ve never felt this way about anyone.” what if you were a witch secretly casting some spell? he knew you weren’t but this was just too dangerous to him, his goal was protecting you always.

“me either.” your soft voice comes as a gentle reminder:

satoru gojo can’t afford love.

he backs away from you, looking panicked. “i’m sorry, he was. “y-you should leave.”

he never wanted to hurt you, just protect you from what was inevitable. “what do you mean? satoru, i understand what it all means now.”

satoru knew he was wrong. the danger he put you in with just one kiss. you weren’t a possibility for him. just a taste of a life he couldn’t have, you had to leave— so he puts on his best poker face.

“no, actually you were right.”

your eyes hook to his every word. “what?”

“i think you’re too weak.” he watches your face crumble slightly, but it wasn’t enough, you had to stay away from him. “i mean, you’re more useless than shit.”

your expression is pained, “then why did you just kiss me?”

for the first time, he wanted to run.

“isn’t that what any guy would do in a moment like that?” satoru truthfully meant absolutely nothing by that but he had to get some kind of point across right? he turns away to head out the door, shutting his eyes at the sound of your composure starting to break.

he knew it was for the best. you were safer as a memory

satoru gojo will never forget.

inspired from this panel i loved but ofc a more romantic spin lol.. it was brutal of him yet so complex as he maybe really says it to look out for him in the moment and later claims Ijichi as “the man he trusts the most” before his death! :(