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you think of yourself as normal. normal looks, normal style, normal voice. so normal that you became boring. though some may argue but you digress.
and that part of you became an insecurity. stapled deep within your heart that "yes, you are boring. you're not fun to hang with."
and gojo satoru had never in his life disagree with something this strong. you are fun. he likes you for you. whoever called you boring never seen the real you at all. and he'll make sure everyone in this world knows how fucking cool you are.
whenever you utter a small joke meant for you and him, he laughed so loud people wanted to know why he did. and he will tell them. he will re-enact your joke between laughter. if they laughed too and a small smile etched on your face that counts as glory to satoru.
if you had a mundane thought that you wanted to share with satoru, best believe he will announce it to the world. maybe he'll scream, "babe you're so brilliant!" at the top of his lungs or he'll tell people a fact you told him, "did you know that a lot of enzymes ends with 'ase'? I didn't know too! my girlfriend is so smart." with a smug on his face.
in every one of this interaction will lead to you, face flushed, eyes teary and an aggressive tug on his arm begging him to stop. he just loves embarrassing you like this, isn't he? and when you both get home oh you're going to scold him for his actions.
but he so sweet and charming. saying things like, "but you are amazing!" "butâbut! im so happy i have to share it!!" "are you gate-keeping me from happiness?" he'll even throw in a fake tear just to sell his act.
and you fall for it. every. single. time.
because when you are with him you never felt "normal" or "boring." you felt extraordinary. satoru's love for you was so big he wanted the world to know how perfect you are, you're perfect for him and he's perfect for you.
you had always thought you were a listener. sometimes you are. but when you get down to talk about something, anything, with the person you're comfortable with you became a full on chatterbox.
so imagine when you're talking with megumi. maybe you're lounging around in his room, on his bed in eachother company's. and you kept talking and talking. and he's there, listening to every word. adding tidbits to your rambling but never shut you out.
you then realise how quiet he'd been and asked him questions about his days. he answered like he always do. short, precise and leading the conversation away and back to you.
you didn't notice how flawlessly he turned the topic. you only noticed how you're talking again. and a lot.
feeling self-conscious, you stopped mid-rambling. you fidget around your fingers and chuckles nervously, "i'm sorry i'm talking a lot," you said. a little sheepish that you let your mouth go on and on.
he was about to say that, no you aren't. infact it wasn't enough. he wanted you to talk more. that he was obsessed with your voice. with you and every part of your thoughts even the mundane ones.
but you cut him off, "if you think that i should shut up just say so. you don't have toâ" you started apologizing before he squished your face with his palm.
your mouth looked like a duck when you tried to speak, "gumi what are you doing?" a small giggle came out of you.
megumi isn't the best at speech. he is worse than inumaki with the speech curse. he couldn't for the life of him convey to you how he felt with words.
so he did what he did best. he leaned closer to you. gave your cheeks a squeeze or two. and with what you think was a subtle pout on his face he said, "never stop talking."
he never said why, never told you how you make him feel, never said that whenever he's with you it was the highlight of his day. well, he didn't need to. because the way he took care of you and your feelings showed you more than he needs to say.
with a soft smile on your face you nodded, "alright." as you picked up where you left off. he's all ears for you, always for you. itadori, nobara, gojo-sensei, never got what you get. his neverending attention.
You blinked back your tears. God⌠you felt stupid. He was your co-worker for god's sake. An idol, at that.
Of course he's going to date someone like her. Someone cute but hot, someone kind and passionate. Not a stylist who barely makes a living.
You almost felt like quitting your job, almost. But heartbroken was not a valid reason. You were decent at your job. No way they would let you go that easy.
You kept scrolling through the internet. Searching for more and more and more gossips and theories about Kazuha's scandal with the upbringing actress, Ayaka.
She was the better you, you convinced yourself.
You weren't like her. She was soft, sophisticated, grounded. She has tons and millions of fans waiting at her door. Whereas you, hard, jagged, messy and overall not desirable by the whole world.
You read comments like:
i'm not even mad. match made in heaven fr fr
MY NEW OTPPPP!!!! <3333
if they aren't together i swear i will be having problems
It felt like fate laughing in your face right now.
After you had finally convinced yourself that he might feel the same as you, you found out about this dating rumour. You thought people would trash it, hate it or opened a twitter thread on why they shouldn't see each other again.
But they supported it. Shipped it. Even encouraging it. You felt ridiculous. How come that one time you hope a couple gets ablaze but only for it to be loved.
Your stomach twisted with disgust. You shouldn't be jealous. You should be happy, because he's happy. And if he's happy isn't that enough? He deserves it and you shouldn't get in his way.
Unexpectedly, a message notification popped up.
Kazuha<3:
today's shooting is exhausting, isn't it?
please have a good rest
goodnight and have a sweet dreams
You cursed under your breath. He is the last person you want to talk to right now. Without another glance at his message you put your phone on Do Not Disturb mode.
You're happy for him. He's happy now with someone who is not you. You are happy. You shouldn't bother him anymore.
Your thumb hover on the block button. Contemplating on should you end it now before he pushes you away or comes clean with him.
You sighed and turned off your phone. You have work tomorrow. You don't have time to think about nonsensical things. These feelings are a hindrance to your professional work.
You shut your eyes with a heavy feeling. Desperate to get some sleep.
The following days were stressful. You avoid Kazuha like the plague. Overworking yourself with everything, even stuff that doesn't even involve your work field. Every time Kazuha wants to approach you, you bolted out before he can even get close to you.
He bombarded your phone with text messages and sometimes a call. Texts like, âwhere are you?â, âare you busy?â, âI have trouble with my clothes, please help meâ and, âdon't overworked yourselfâ.
Every text received is like a stab into your heart. You tried so hard to move on but he keeps making you feel like this. Keep popping into your life when you want nothing for him to be gone.
Kazuha was a mess.
When you first ignored his messages, he brushed it off. You're probably too tired to reply that night. So he waited.
He texted, even called but you didn't acknowledge it. It's like you don't care about him anymore and it hurts him more than he thought it would.
He even goes over and beyond to search for you. Asking every crew member if they know where you are. He even asked that light crew member he disliked because he looked at you too long once.
Their answers were always vague, because they don't know where you were specifically when all you do these days is run around the studio.
By a week, he lost his mind. Not one message was read by you. He thinks back everything he did that may be the cause of this. But he came to nothing.
Kazuha was known for his calm composure. He thinks clearly even in desperate situations. But now, he couldn't even eat food right. Accidentally bumping people when walking. Zoned out too many times than he can count.
His friends started to notice his odd behaviour. Aether was the first to confront him, âyouâre not even listening to me dudeâ he stated when Kazuha didn't respond. They were taking a break from practicing and decided to sit down by the couch. He was ranting about his sister's creepy boyfriend, Ajax, to Kazuha but he took way too long to give an opinion.
â... huh?â Kazuha blinked back to reality, âoh yeah, yeah, that sounds goodâ he muttered and continued to disconnect from the world yet again.
âwhat?â
Aether sighed and slapped Kazuha's back, âsnap out of it broâ he said and Kazuha yelped which was uncharacteristic of him, âwhat's gotten into you? you've gone cuckoo or something?â he frowned, genuinely concerned for his friend.
Kazuha slumped down to his knee and groaned, âit's nothing⌠don't worryâ he mumbled under his breath.
Aether didn't accept that answer, âit is not ânothingâ if you're dissociating every few seconds. Even Xiao is worried. And you know how rarely he expresses his emotionsâ he urged.
Kazuha thought for a moment. He was being difficult now. Is that why you hate him now? Because he was difficult? No, you don't hate him. At least that's what he thought at first. He wasn't sure now but he hoped that's not the reason you avoided him.
He leaned back on the couch and took a deep breath, â... you remember that girl I was talking about?â he started. Aether nodded. He remembered that Kazuha almost giggled when you first replied to his texts. But that was months ago. Back when you were new here.
âyeah, our stylist, right?â
Kazuha nodded and told all about what happened. Not that anything really happens but more on what didn't happen. How you went silent on him. And how the silence's eating him alive. And how can he fix it?
After listening to all of this Aether had a brilliant idea. He gave Kazuha a smirk and said, âI think I have an ideaâ.
You were assigned to accompany 5WIRLS to a charity event hosted by a newly award winning actor. Honestly, you didn't want to go. But the higher ups insisted on you. So like it or not. You have to go.
Dressing yourself up in your best dress. And you are good to go.
They sent you a limousine to escort you to the event. You're grateful for that but that also means you are going to be the closest you have been with him.
It had been a full three weeks since you shun him out of your life. It's going smoothly as you planned. But it's all going to be ruined now, if you don't make bad decisions.
You got in and spotted him. Sitting far back with an empty seat beside him. You make a brief eye contact with him and avert your gaze. Though, you could feel his stare on you still. Like he was saving it and inviting you to sit next to him.
No way that would happen.
Venti currently occupies two seats. You don't know why but he can't be greedy now. So you asked him to move so you could sit there. Venti, with no care for the tension between you and Kazuha, nodded and moved for you.
You sat down, finally. The driver started driving to the destination. A mansion, up on the hill. They said the scenery there was amazing and you can't wait to see it with your own eyes.
Everyone was minding their business. Aether was chatting up with Kazuha. Heizou had his earbuds on. Xiao was eating up his probably the 5th Almond tofu he had tonight.
And Venti, who was beside you, teases you and your dress. Saying, âI didn't know you had style, miss stylistâ he grinned.
âwhy wouldn't I? That's literally my jobâ
He hummed and tapped his chin, âwell, you always show up to work with hoodies and sweatpantsââ.
This is getting embarrassing. You couldn't hear him expose you more so you quickly change the topic.
âwhy are you sitting on two seats anyway?â you cut his words.
He stopped talking for a few moments. His face turned unreadable which creeps you out. He was loud and wore his heart on his sleeve, most of the time. This scenery was new to you.
You anticipated his answer. Does it⌠does it have to do with Kazuha? You get rid of the thought as fast as it has entered.
âBecauseâŚâ, he started, âbecause I can, duhâ
You should've known this is one of his jokes. He laughed, which wasn't funny to begin with, and you gave him a long glare. âYou should be a comedian with all your funny little jokesâ, you remarked with full sarcasm.
Venti, only seeing the positive side of your word, clung his arm around your shoulder, âI knew you appreciated my humour, miss stylistâ he smiled, âwe'll make a good partner!â.
Now he's just saying nonsense. You glanced up and didn't miss how Kazuha's shoulder was stiff and his eyes narrowed a bit at the arm clinging on you.
Xiao, who was unknowingly listening, raised an eyebrow at Venti, âbut⌠I thought she was already spoken for?â he said, genuinely and loudly.
Venti let out an embarrassingly loud 'huh?!'. You choked on your own spit. Aether and Kazuha stopped talking. Heizou took one of his earbuds off.
âoh, I must've thought wrong thenâ he casually brushed it off.
It was silent. Everyone slowly digested what Xiao had just uttered. Venti was the first to speak, or rather shout, âsince when? and by whom!â, he wailed as he shook your shoulder. Kazuhaâs jaw tightened as a small scowl slowly appeared on his face.
Heizou watched as everything unfolds. He couldn't stop his own smirk watching everyone's reaction. You had a horrified look on your face, Ventiâs heartbroken, Xiao's stoic as usual, Aether was confused, and Kazuha⌠oh he had the best expression on. Heizou never saw him this mad. If they're in a cartoon, streams are probably coming out of his head right now.
Tonight's going to be interesting.
After what happened in the limo, you never want to face any of the boys anymore. The embarrassment will last for generations to come. Great⌠maybe you should consider getting a new job.
After arriving, you were greeted by the host's sister, Kamisato Ayaka. You cringed when she welcomed you with open arms. Now you can't help but feel how perfect Kazuha is with her.
You took a sharp breath and gave her a smile. Kazuha was right behind you and you skipped inside. You don't think your heart could take it if you saw them together.
The party was lively. The mansion was beautiful as it had been said in articles and news. You saw glimpses of the host, Kamisato Ayato, talking to other guests. You saw him get the award on TV. And after watching his nominated movie, he totally deserves it.
Since you knew no one here, except 5WIRLS, you lounge around the buffet with a drink in hand. Suddenly, someone tapped your shoulder. Turning around you're met with ethereal beauty.
It was Kamisato Ayaka. Again
A smile plastered on her face, âI'm sorry to bother you, but I've never seen your face beforeâ she inquired.
Your whole body froze on the spot. She thinks you're a bum! and she wants to kick you out because you don't belong here!!
âum⌠IâŚâ, you muttered as your mind spiraled into overthinking.
As if she could read your mind she quickly apologized, âthatâs terribly rude of me. I meant to say that I want to know you. You look quite fascinating. I'm sure if we've met before I would notice youâ she added and ease your worries.
You nodded at her explanation. She wanted to get to know you? your night can't be more surprising than thisâŚ
But it did.
Currently, you were having a bubbly chat with Ayaka. She was much more talkative than people had said online. She exceeded your expectations. Which makes sense why Kazuha would choose her.
You tried, so so hard, to get rid of him in your mind but you can't. Everything you see reminds you of him. Breeze in the morning, red coffee cup in the office pantry, fluffy stray cats along the street to your home and now, Ayaka.
She was perfect in every way. Even her laugh sounds like a melody people would put in songs.
Somehow, the conversation shifted into work. She was enamored by your line of work. When you mentioned you worked with 5WIRLS, she gasped audibly.
Her eyes shined differently and your heart dropped to your stomach. You brace yourself for what seems like a fangirling session from her.
âYou get to see Aether every day?!â she squealed.
You blinked. She stood there while holding your hand. Her eyes sparkling with excitement.
What.
She can't be serious. Out of all people, Aether? Why didn't she ask about her boyfriend? Her alleged boyfriend.
You tilted your head to the side. Not bothering to cover your confusion, â... Aether? sure, I see him any other dayâ you said.
She jumped and proceeded to bombarded you with questions about him. You answered them as best as you could though still confused. Her questions seemed to have no end. You didn't know how to let her off when someone interrupted her.
âHaving quite the chat, huh, sis?â
Deep but sultry voice. You looked up and saw the man of the party. Just like his younger sister, he was a man with beauty. Light blush tinted your cheek as he eyed you.
He gave you his winning smile, âI'm sorry about my sister. She must've talked your ears offâ he chuckled. A breathy and attractive one that can make women of any age swoon.
You shake your head, âno, not at allâ you said, âshe was a great companyâ. He hummed and nodded. Ayaka was telling her brother off but he stayed rooted.
As if on cue, the music changed. People parted to the side. The middle of the room was reserved for those who wanted to dance. Ayato gave you a look, one that you didn't catch but Ayaka saw it.
âDon't even think about itâ she muttered to her brother.
Ignoring his sister's protest he offered a hand to you, âpeople are getting on the dance floorâ he smiled, âmay I?â. You couldn't help but see past his request. It's odd.
Ayaka gasped and loudly expressed her opinion, âbrother! you can't charm her so suddenly! I was talking to herâ she exclaimed. A dance wouldn't hurt, would it. You fought your inner thoughts if you should accept it or not.
Nonetheless, you took his hand. He offered back a gentle grin as if to mock Ayaka. âI'll talk to you later, Ayakaâ you waved her goodbye. Taking your leave from her, you strode to the dance floor with Ayato.
He held you close. His arm on you waist and back. Guiding you through the music. It was nice. You couldn't help but voice out your confusion, âwhy suddenly asked me to dance with you?â you said as he kept his pace with the beat.
He chuckled, âa friend told me to, said it will be interestingâ he twirls you around, pressing you back onto his chest. You let out a gasp at the intimate pose.
âlook over thereâ he breathe in your ear. He tilted your chin up so it matched his view. Your cheeks tinted with blush. You don't know what you're supposed to be looking at.
Then you saw it.
Kazuha.
Far away there with unreadable expressions. When you made eye contact with him you squirmed. He didn't waste any second and walked to your direction.
Ayatoâs hold on you soften. You could feel him grinning as Kazuha stormed to you. âVery interesting indeedâ he muttered to himself, âI'm sorry, fair lady, if you feel uncomfortable with me. But your knight in shining armour have come to your rescueâ.
Kazuha was standing in front of you now with a glare that could kill Ayato. You're surprised he can get here that fast. He swat Ayato's hands from you, âhave a little respect, would you?â he spat.
He was fuming, and you've never seen him like this before. It was⌠refreshing? to see him show other emotions than his usual calm demeanor.
Without giving Ayato a chance to speak he grabbed your hand and pulled you away. You were super confused. He pulls you away from the crowd of the party. Leading you out of the mansion.
When you had gotten far, you pulled your hands from his grip. That made him stop in his tracks.
âWhat are you doing?â you exasperated.
His back was turned away from you. He didn't look at you. He couldn't face you. How could he? He acted on his emotions. Seeing you get touchy with Ayato back there made him feel something he's not proud of.
He had spent so long keeping his emotions at bay. So long had he control himself from being a slave to his damned feelings. But it came to you. He wanted nothing more to rid all the rules he made to himself. He wanted nothing more to be selfish and have you.
He stood there in silence and you were getting frustrated.
âso are you gonna stand there orââ
âIs he it?â, he asked. Voice so low it could be lost in the night's cold winds.
âIs he what? Kazuha, I don't understandââ
He finally faced you and it shattered you. To see his face so contorted. His eyes glimmered with held back tears, probably the same as yours. His brows scrunched down to form a sad frown.
His hand moved to hold yours but he hesitated and pulled back. He took a deep shaky breath. âIs he the one that you love?â he searches your eyes to tell him that no, you don't love him.
You shook your head and Kazuha let out a breath he didn't know he held. He smiled, though a weak one. He took a step forward to you but you took two steps back.
He frowned at your action, â... then, why are you avoiding me?â he demanded. He made no move to close the distance.
You shifted where you stood, âI⌠I didn't avoid youâ you mumbled. You did and he didn't knew why. You can't bring yourself to tell him. And right now you realized how selfish you've been to him.
He scoffed, âyou didn't reply to any of my messages, calls and every time I saw you, you ranâ he mocked.
His words hurt and you flinched unconsciously. You opened your mouth to explain but nothing came out.
âdid I do something wrong?â he started.
ânoââ
âthen what is it? tell me and I'll fix itââ
He's searching for answers that you're not ready to reveal yet. He's pushing you to your limit and you can't take it. Your heart can't take it anymore. âit's me, okay! it's meâ you snapped, âI can't do this anymoreâ.
He was stunned by your voice. it's sounded broken and wrong to him. He wanted to comfort you so bad. â... can't do what?â he whispered low.
âus!â you exasperated, âI can't deal with your affection to me when you already have other woman in your armâ. Tears already pooling in your eyes. You're not going to cry in front of him.
Like a stab, he froze in his place, âwha⌠what are you talking aboutâ. He couldn't believe what he heard. What do you mean by that? Don't you know he only had eyes for you. Don't you know he faked a wardrobe malfunction just so he could talk to you. He had always, always went out of his way for you and he never once thought it was a hindrance.
You took a deep breath, âI saw those rumoursâ you explained, âI'm happy for you⌠I really am. It's just, I need a moment to myselfâ.
He swear he could hear his heart shattered. He shook his head, âNo!â he could only utter. He took a step forward, âplease, justâ listen to meâ he begged.
âI was only helping her. She was a fan of Aether. My family know her family. And she asked me for help and Iââ,
He grabbed your wrist, âI could've never love anyone as I did with youâ he pleaded and puts your hand on his beating chest. You wanted to pull away but his grip on you was firm.
His heart was thumping so fast you were worried. You looked at him in disbelieve. His lips tugged into a smile, âI hoped that's enough proof for youâ he said and squeezed your hand.
He whispered your name, âI love you. So much that it's eating me aliveâ.
You frowned, â... why? why choose me? why not be with someone like Ayaka". The conclusion that he could have loved you like you did to him feels foreign and impossible. But you want to believe him. You want to be happy with him.
His other hand cupped your face, âthere's so much reason for me to. And my first one is because it's youâ he chuckled, âthe way you laugh, the way you light up when you talk about your favourite thing, the way you always fall asleep in meetingsâ.
Your face burned at that, âthat doesn't sound like a good quality to haveâ. You unknowningly leaned into his touch. Your body leaning closer to him.
He hummed, âand it makes me fall in love with you all over againâ he smiled and rubbed your cheek with his thumb.
You gazed at him. His looks on you were soft and tender.
â... I'm sorryâ you blurted, âI shouldn't have assumedâ.
He shook his head, âno, I'm sorry. I should've told you long agoâ he said, âalthough, I can think of a few ways you can make it up for the days you ignored meâ.
You gulped, âwhat do I have to do?â.
âGo on a date with me, tons of datesâ he smirked and embraced you. You let a breathy chuckled and cling yourself to him. You could do that. You definitely could do that.
âYou seen Kazuha anywhere?â Aether asked Heizou who was helping himself with the food. He hummed for a second and shrugged, âlast I heard of him, he took the stylist out of this placeâ he recalled.
âAw shucksâ Aether muttered under his breath.
Heizou arched his eyebrows, âwhy? you need him for something?â.
Aether huffed, âI was supposed to help him with her. Ugh, I hope he didn't do anything stupid. I had a plan too!â he grunted. He took something off Heizou's plate and munched on it to calm his frustration.
Heizou swatted Aether's hand away, âI already took care of that, don't worryâ he nodded.
That made Aether tilted his head, âuh, you âtook careâ of it?â.
âyupâ he popped, âI told Ayato to get close to her and boom he's running to claim his girlâ he explained.
Aether took a moment to digest this and gasped, âthat's so much better than mine!â he whined. He continued to nagged Heizou to tell him how he found out about Kazuha and you. But Heizou kept his mouth closed.
Safe to say that neither of you were being subtle about it to begin with.