ocean

part 1

a.n: did I make him accept his feelings? Yes. Did I make it painful? Obviously.

Megumi was genuinely a quiet guy. It wasn't about being shy, being scared people would judge him. He was just silent, raised his voice when he felt like it was needed, acted more like himself when he was around his loved ones.

Then there was you, having someone he cared about so deeply, he was greatful for you. Which made it all worse, much more painful, with a fear of losing you. Maybe you two didn't know each other for too long, he watched you improve, make progress in your life as you two became friends.

And just maybe, he thought that accepting his feelings would make this fade. Because that was what came up when he clicked on the first tip he found on Google. Accepting his feelings–knowing what he felt was real.

At one point, he sat in his room in silence, taking it all in, trying to feel his heartbeat. It wasn't up for a debate anymore– it started beating faster when you flooded his thoughts. He buried his face into his pillow, enough to give himself asphyxia as he yelled.

But did this mean that he wanted the relationship to progress? After all, this was all just a simple story, developing one-sided feelings for you. He couldn't even think of the possibility of losing you. And if you were still there, Megumi was completely fine with watching you from afar.

So he gave himself time, time to cherish you. Time to watch you eat your favorite food, time to watch you talk with your friends, time to watch your smile.

He knew the situation was bad when he committed the sound of your laugh to his memory. The way that you had to grab somewhere when you laughed, the way your eyes would close, the way your lips would twitch to hold back. He recognized it by the shaky breath you took before the real laugh even came.

And seeing you smile like that, he couldn't bring himself to say I love you.

He knew, if this small crush, if the feelings he felt deep inside him escaped, he would regret it. So he had to act very precise around them. Precise around you.

But he couldn't handle that. He couldn't handle seeing you raise your brow in confusment when he rejected your offer to hang out, he couldn't handle to see your smile fall when he gave short, cold responses.

His biggest fear was losing you in the progress. But maybe, maybe fading away from your life was a better idea rather than you hating him or being disgusted by his emotions.

He started leaving the hang outs early, leave your messages on seen, say that he would do it by himself. It hurt you, every single attempt to stay away from you felt like a dagger to your heart. It was no doubt that Megumi Fushiguro didn't want anything to do with you.

Your jaw clenched at the thought, feeling your grip on the pencil tighten as you attempted to focus on your textbook. But it didn't help, the guy that made you feel so stupid for trying to be around him was sitting on the other side of the classroom.

So when you slightly turned your head to look at him, expecting to see the same stoic expression; maybe his brows would be furrowed, maybe he would be irritated, maybe his head would be on the desk trying to fall asleep and ignore everything around him including you, but no.

Your eyes met Megumi, who was already looking at you, and his eyes were glossy for the first time.

part 2

Emotions are supposed to stay mental, a crush is supposed to be non painful.

It hurt him, and all the other effects weren't even close to half of what he was feeling inside. Megumi Fushiguro isn't a guy that gets a crush, he never found himself waiting to find a partner, he never believed in teenage love, he never allowed himself to feel this kind of comfort. And years later, he still thought he was incapable of having a crush, so did everyone else around him.

He doesn't know how exactly he developed a crush on you. He just knows that one day he started to notice too much, feel too much. And suddenly every single thing you do would flood his brain with intrusive thoughts that overwhelm him.

Once, you kept the eye contact one second longer after finishing the talk. He stuttered, said thank you instead of see you later. His face was pink for the next fifteen minutes.

Once, you asked him to reach for a glass of water and hand it to you, his hands trembled so bad that he spilled the water.

Once, he heard the breath you took before your laugh and immidiatly looked around, recognizing it. Megumi froze when he saw you laughing. He felt his ears ring the whole day.

Once, he had to get up and change his seat because of how nervous he was about sitting next to you.

He would feel his brain shut down everytime your hands brushed his arm, a headache would come for the rest of the day while being unable to focus on anything.

He felt his heart physically drop when you two met each others gaze while studying. He almost broke the pen.

He would stare at your messages for too long, he would spend a minute freezing and looking at the pictures you would post on your stories.

So he did the safest thing, he ran away. He started avoiding you, his responses started to come out shorter, he didn't try to start the conversation, he specifically sat somewhere else so you wouldn't come near him.

And the worst? Nothing changed. It got worse. He looked at you like he was in pain, like he was drowning.

You were confused, hurt by how much he started to avoid you in such a short time. He wouldn't even meet your gaze, but you caught him once. His brows were furrowed, like he was thinking of something that was a painful idea but made him yearn for it. Like he felt desperately hopeless. And for once, his eyes were soft. Not in a happy way, in a "I don't know what I'm doing, I will never achieve what I want but I want it so bad." Way.

Megumi knew he could never have you. You were so much above him, he felt like he was signing up for a job everyone wanted hoping that he would be selected out of thousands. Because that's how you were, you were so easy to love. So opposite of him.

He couldn't bear the thought of not having you in this lifetime, but he could at least try to make it a little less painful by keeping a distance.

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character/person i love , place , gift , anniversary , love quote , flowers .

(Dont mind the squiffy format) we got kazuha let's gooooo

New one: what trope?

Honorable mention for the gift, cause even Pinterest knows my love of Dr. Pepper

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locked in for once

@oceanaesthete @yunn13ie @mayiedayie @huhyeni

not very aesthetic, is it. Anyways, lucky kenma

I've been waiting to get tagged to these, I love them sm