Little subbie, being your Dom is not a burden to me. Rather it is a responsibility, a mantle, that I choose to take on. I know what it entails and I willingly accept. 

I already do this. As a father and as an employee I am driven to take charge and do what’s required to succeed. It’s who I am and must be encoded in my very DNA. I want to be counted on, steady, reliable, unflappable.

Being a Dom aligns very well with this. I want to earn your trust, day after day. To be your welcome refuge and your protector. To help you grow and flourish. Doing this helps me to grow and allows me to flourish. Its our perpetual upwards spiral.

I know that I am fallible. At times I do not live up to my own standards and have let others down. Failure leaves an awful taste, and I continue to strive to improve. I learn from my mistakes and adopt preventative measures. I don’t expect you to fix my faults, just to be patient as I learn and grow.

Sure, responsibility for another can be stressful, but a good and healthy stress. It’s what I derive meaning from - a loving father, a capable and competent employee, and a trustworthy and loving Dom. Being these things feeds me, and without them I lose a part of who I am. Being your Dom nourishes me in a deep and profound way. It is not a burden at all.

We always talk about “signs of a terrible Dom” so let’s talk about some signs of an actually good Dom

They ask you about your day: They show compassion and actually want to listen about how your day went

They ALWAYS want to keep fields of communication open: Whether you’re in the middle of a kinky-as-fuck scene or you two are in a heated argument, the means of communication is ALWAYS open. Once you give your safe word, IT IS DONE

Aftercare is a top priority. No matter what this is for you in particular, they put a lot of emphasis on aftercare (cuddling, movie watching, bath time, etc.)

They aren’t afraid to scold you when you actually mess up. Sometimes we fuck up, both with our dynamics or we screwed up something at work or school. Doms will scold you, put also help cheer you up and might even offer ways to make it positive

Sex might be apart of the dynamic, but it’s not the focus. I get the fact some people get involved with other BDSM partners for the sole reason of sex, but outside of those VERY SPECIFIC DYNAMICS, sex is NOT the sole focus. It might be a fun “add on”, but it’s NOT the primary objective (penetrative sex or other forms of sex acts).

They are concerned for your safety, but don’t overdo it. They want you safe, but don’t take it to the paranoid level where they need to track every little thing you do.

They respect your privacy. EVERYONE has secrets (”skeletons in your closest”), even among romantic partners who have been partners for a long time, people have stuff they just don’t feel comfortable confessing every little thing in their life. A respectful Dom understands this and doesn’t need to go spying on you or attempt to invade your privacy (track internet history, track phone usage, track where you’ve been, etc.)

They trust you. A Dom who doesn’t trust you will purposely try to fuck up the relationship/dynamic, they will show severe jealousy, and other negative aspects. A Dom that trusts you will respect YOU as a person as well as you to keep your word on different things.

When disagreements happen, they use constructive language. There is not a healthy relationship on this earth that is 100% argument/disagreement free. However, whenever these do happen, it is NOT a “me against you” style argument (”I WON THE ARGUMENT”, none of that). It is done in a way with minimal accusatory/hurtful statements

You walk through a room with a commanding presence, confident in your superiority, you can leave a perfect handprint on a sub’s ass, and you’ve got a killer suit with great cuff links.

Tell me about your ethics.

Tell me how you calm a sub who is in the midst of a panic attack at work.

Regale me with a passed experience where you made the choice to be selfless for the care of another.

Better yet, tell me about a time you failed and how you grew from it to never make the mistake again.

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