Smashes your pondering orb @evil-homosexual-wizard - Tumblr Blog

the thing is, once you kinda let go of all mortal ideas of morality, doing magic becomes a lot more freeing.

So do those evil spells! Let your heart be free

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theonion

In a statement that mourned “the extinguishing of one of the league’s oldest and most infernal lights,” the Washington Wizards announced Tuesday that the organization’s founding wizard, Osric the Baleful, had died at age 682, bringing to an end a centuries-long career in necromancy, prophecy, and NBA ownership.

Osric’s 1997 acquisition of the team then known as the Bullets is said to have taken place after an omen from the entrails of a hanged usurer convinced him that possession of a middling sports franchise would grant him an inexhaustible river of mortal anguish on which to float into eternity. Osric emerged from his crypt during a lightning storm and presented the team’s owners with a yellowed parchment granting him “full dominion over basketball in the District of Columbia, together with all courts, revenues, and towering gamesmen, who are hereby subject to permanent indentureship.” Before the owners could protest, the wizard had already turned them into wooden pestles.

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evilscientist3

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

ttechniic

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

evilscientist3

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

ttechniic

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

evilscientist3

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

ttechniic

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

siderealglimmer

lakevida

ur hair is so prettyyyyyy

how did you attain such a light color?? #curious

i saw a ghost and got so frightened!

lakevida

does getting cursed by a witch show up in drug tests

#from experience yes it does #so be careful with that #evil and gay #wizard talks

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targetedknowledge

evilwizard

oh god i just realized ive been posting on corporeal tumblr this whole time 🤦

oldmannewrobes

Oh! I thought you just lost your login and decided to just stay on corporeal instead.

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Hi yes hello it’s me the local wizard, and I- Ok well “evil” feels like a strong word but yes, that’s me. Anyway, I need your help. I know I stole away the kingdoms 12 princesses, that’s my bad. Listen, I didn’t think this through. It didn’t occur to me that having a dozen angry young women from early teen to early 20s and giving them giant powerful wings would be a bad idea.

I know I’m the one who cast the curse but it can still only be broken with true love. I’m begging you, somebody, please come and fall in love with these girls and make them leave, I can’t take it anymore, it sucks so bad. I can’t keep getting viciously bullied by one of the largest living species of waterfowl anymore. I’ve tried running away but they can fly so they just find me. I’m getting nothing done.

I’ll pay you, I’ll grant you wishes, I don’t care, please just come and fall in love with the mean angry women who live in my yard and hate me so bad

#so long as you promise to renounce your evil ways and submit yourself to the authority of the wizard council #< prev #ignore prev #you’re free to do whatever you wish #prev is a stuck up ass of a wizard

gutsandeverythingg

Who are you and why do i follow you

do i really have to do this every time. you are a mindless ghoul. i own you. you dig my endless pit. BACK TO WORK

evil-homosexual-wizard

dude this is why you gotta treat your ghouls better. i’ve never had memory problems with mine

sludgebitch

i just released a globe spanning wave of psychic pain so be on the lookout for that because if you aren't prepared your ego may shatter LOL

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soulren

“Ghosts are real” I can see how you could believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story

“Ghosts aren’t real yet” the fuck are you going to do

screenshotsofdespair

fuckyoubaker

OH, YOU WOULDN'T WANNA SEE ME HEALTHY.

#this is why i call myself an evil wizard #they hate to see me grow into a better person and wizard #maybe let a guy be the best version of herself #but whatever #wizard council hates people not being depressed and oblivious to their systems which are making all wizards lives miserable

swadloom

STOP saying the otherworldly powers are corrupting my mind godddddd. You literally wish you were us. I mean us. I mean me.

the-quasar-hero

It’s SO obvious that some of y’all are incredibly mad that my wizard hat is bigger and supremely balanced.

schakira

okay... i can still see the folds on your wizard robe... iron it.

the-quasar-hero

Now I know you ain’t talking with ya dusty ass grimoire. That bad boy is held together with scotch tape, spit, and faith. Helpful hint: you want the spines of your enemies to break, not your magical tomes.

schakira

no cause it's really cute hearing that from you when last i checked your grimoire isn't being passed down from generation to generation. i know you got it from walmart with your dollar store lookin ass staff. you can keep your hint.

the-quasar-hero

I just think it’s funny you think anything that isn’t dusted and busted like your grimoire is somehow less authentic, when the reality is you a broke ass wizard who can’t get your coin up! You gotta use hand-me-downs cuz no king wants to make use of your services! Maybe you should dress like this isn’t the third century and ppl would visit your sad lil’ wizard tower. Your grimoire so old I bet that shit got spells to deal with dinosaurs. I got a spell in mine to make wifi anywhere. Oh, and I know you ain’t talking about staffs when you carry around that plywood looking ass shit. You tryna conjure forth a Home Depot employee?

schakira

you scroll-stuffing spell stealing nasty little SLUT

the-quasar-hero

Nuh-uh, bitch, try again.

entguarde

And I’m supposed to listen to you two when you both wear TRAFFIC CONE HATS?? Hate to tell you this buds, but I do think that the plastic hat kinda matches y’all’s plastic fashion taste and y’all’s plastic ass spells.

Yours truly, the wizard frog

schakira

DO NOT INTERRUPT US

afrophunk

You talk all this mess about wizard hats, and yet I don't ever see you wearing one 🤔

the-quasar-hero

FYM?

afrophunk

That's just a purple traffic cone

Ain't got no class

No drip

Just goofy-

the-quasar-hero

FYM?

afrophunk

GUCCI be selling $300 bathroom sandals

Still look goofy in that GUCCI

the-quasar-hero

Hmmm, yes counterpoint:

DIE

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