Evie’s left hand cradled the microphone, her lips pressed against the grate. Slender fingers of her right hand entwined themselves in the cord. Body swaying to the rhythm supplied by the three other girls, she let her sticky, lilting voice take up with the music.
“Sex addicts, drugs, and vampires
They permeate my life
Don’t know which one I’m gonna be tonight.”
The microphone stand moved with her, tilting up on its edges as she let her mind unravel more in the music.
“I know you think I’m crazy.
You think I’ve lost my mind.
I’m locked and loaded - got you in my sights.”
With her fingers, she made the shape of a pistol, taking aim at no one in particular as she began to sing the chorus.
“Turn the lights out,
Lay your head down
Now you got me where you want me.
I’m the pain and you’re the pleasure.
Can’t you read the signs?
I got a one-track mind”
Pale eyes scanned over the sweaty, drunken crowd, trying to find someone to sing to, someone to increase crowd involvement. No one was watching the show, though. They were barely even listening, more focused on the sloppy gyrations of their hips in dance. She snatched the microphone from the stand and curled the wire around her forearm before starting the second set of verses.
“I'm numb; I've got no conscious
Can't get you off my mind
You're in my line of fire every time
You narcissistic lover
You complicate my life
But then I find myself with you tonight.”
Before the bridge to the second chorus began, she had flounced across the stage toward December, her guitarist, and draped a lazy arm across the girl’s shoulders. The girl cracked a smile as she strummed, picking up the beat just a bit.
“You are my nemesis,
The one I can’t resist.
I’ve got a one-track mind:
I’m losing it.
I need another hit,
I think you could be it,
I’ve got a one-track mind...”
As she sang, Evie let her hand gently caress the guitarist, toying with her hair before pretending to push her away at the end. Making her way back to the center of the stage, she began the chorus again. After the stunt with Ember, more eyes were on the band, and her in particular. The familiar rush of adrenaline pulsed through her as she began to sing the bridge in a sultry voice, eyes closed and hands tangling in her mess of golden locks.
“I wanna love you to oblivion,
Get underneath your skin.”
Evie opened her eyes, about to sing the next line with a hollowing gaze, but instead she was hollowed herself. Her words fell back into her throat. With their lead frozen, the band played on for a few moments before drawing the song to a premature and disheveled end. With her hand still holding the cymbal, Antonia hissed, “What the fuck, Eve?” but Evie didn’t hear her.
Instead, Evie’s attentions were focused on the pair of women who had walked in just moments before and were hanging up their jackets. One girl had striking blue eyes, but she hadn’t caught sight of the other’s yet. Still, she knew they were deep, endless dark pools fit for not much more than drowning. More eyes were drawing to her, noticing the lack of rhythm if nothing else. It was only a matter of time before Allison would turn around, drawn to the scene, and see her. Her legs started before her mind, so that by the time she realized she needed to flea, she was already backstage and crashing into the staff bathroom.
Knuckles turned porcelain white as she gripped the edges of the sink, leaning over, ready to retch. She rocked on her palms, eyes raising to meet identical ones in the mirror. Sweat was beading at her brow from the stage lights, and her body was quivering.
The door opened, a patron walking in but also revealing the crowd beginning quiet again as the rest of the band attempted to gather up their pride and continue the show without her. Evie gritted her teeth. Shame, anxiety, and hopelessness swirled through her. Her fingernails scraped the smooth stone as her hands curled into fists. A purposefully discordant note came from the stage, and she felt something snap inside. Her fist met the mirror before she could process. Glass splintered, small shards falling to the floor while what remained resembled a spiderweb that skewed her reflection. Blood began flowing from the dozen fresh cuts on her fist. She cursed herself as she held it beneath running water, watching the pink go down the drain.
“You seem tense,” came a voice from behind her. Evie looked up, seeing a dozen smaller versions of the same woman she saw when she turned around. She was maybe the same age as her, but she looked older. She was thin, wiry, and her blonde hair hung limp and lifeless. Evie knew the look. She’d worn it once. The girl smiled, producing a small, clear tube with white powder in it. “Want a hit to take the edge off?”
Evie’s throat went dry. The water in the sink was still running, and the girl approached, reaching by to turn it off. “So what do you say?” she pressed again, holding the tube between her thumb and index finger in front of Evie’s face. “It’ll help, promise.”
An irritant found its way to Evie’s nose, and she crinkled it. Her heart had gone from her stomach to her ears, and once again, her mouth wasn’t forming the words it needed to. Nothing came out, so the girl simply dipped her pinky into the powder before holding it in front of Evie’s nose. For the first time, Evie noticed the tattoo the encircled her upper wrist: a snake eating its own tail. She exhaled. It all comes back to this, she thought. She leaned down slightly, pressing one nostril closed as she inhaled the coke.
“You’re a pro!” the girl claimed, delighted as Evie sniffed at the new irritant in her nose. The flickering lights in the bathroom seemed to hum now, though her hand was throbbing more. “You should wrap that though...” Her voice seemed to trail off, as if she had just noticed the injury.
“Thanks,” Evie said, realizing it was the first actual thing she had said to this girl. “I should go.” As she walked from the bathroom, she tore around her shirt, turning it into a crop top and wrapping the fabric around her hand as a makeshift bandage. She didn’t have time to think as she bounced back up the stairs to the stage. Allison would see her this time, she knew that, but she had no idea how she would react to being seen. Her gut twisted as she told the band, “Let’s play ‘Dying’ and then call it a night, okay?” Antonia and Nikki both nodded and started setting up, but December looked like she wanted to say something. Not giving her the opportunity, Evie turned and grabbed the microphone stand.
“Sorry about that,” she apologized with faux sheepishness to the crowd. “One too many whiskey sours, I guess.” She laughed and shrugged, and one or two chortles came from the crowd. “Anyway, we’re Candied Poison, and this is ‘Dying’.”
Evie didn’t dare look up toward the bar yet, too scared she’d be transfixed. Lips pressed against the microphone, she whispered, “See the cripple dance,” as the band played its first few notes. She continued, “Pay your money, baby / Now’s your chance”. It wasn’t until she breathed “Eyes like cyanide” and the band started taking up with the true rhythm that she raised her eyes to the bar, immediately locking - whether by chance or fate - with Allison’s.
“I am so dumb
Just beam me up
I've had it all forever
I've had enough”
She let the note hang in the air for a moment, watching Allison’s movements as she did so. Her fears had been right; she was completely transfixed. But something she didn’t expect happened. Allison couldn’t meet her gaze. Anger replaced shame, adrenaline fueled by the drugs.
“Remember, you promised me
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I want to, I need to be
Under your skin”
The beat slowed again, and Evie found herself on the floor, legs bent on either side of her.
“Our love is quicksand
So easy to drown
They steal the gravity, yeah
From moving ground
Our love is quicksand
So easy to drown
They steal the gravity, yeah
From moving ground”
Rising as she sang the chorus for the second time, her eyes found Allison again. She seemed to be begging the girl she was with to leave, and, she couldn’t quite tell under the dim bar lighting, but her cheeks may have been glistening with tears. What right did she have to feel hurt? Evie’s uninjured hand gripped the microphone tighter, leaving crescent indentations on the rubber handle. As she sang first part of the bridge, the venom seemed to drip from each word.
“And now I understand
You leave with everything
You leave with everything I am
Withering”
She held the last note out, jumping off the stage as it drew to a close. The microphone chord trailed behind her as the crowd parted ways for her to make it towards the bar. Allison’s back was to her, but she turned just as Evie began singing again.
“And now I know that love is dead
You've come to bury me
There's nothing left here to pretend
Anything”
To any onlooker, it may have been hard who wilted under whose gaze. Evie turned her bravado begin to wear thin, tears welling in her eyes. By the time she had reached the stage again to finish the song, Allison had disappeared.
* * *
Evie inhaled the last breath of the cigarette she was smoking, dropping and stubbing it out onto the concrete. Nikki slammed the van’s doors shut, giving it a couple smacks as a sign it was all loaded up. December walked towards Evie, concern on her face before she could even speak.
“Don’t,” Evie preempted her, putting her hand up and starting to walk away.
Ember put her hand on the girl’s shoulder, who shrugged it off. With a sigh, she said, “I’m just worried. You seem...” Although the sentence hung in the air, unfinished, both girls knew the rest.
Without looking at her, Evie said, “I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
“You’re scratching again.”
Evie looked down to see blotchy pink lines across her old track marks. She only scratched when she was close to using. Tugging her sleeves down, she walked toward the passenger door of the van.
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so break yourself against my stones
and spit your pity in my soul
you never needed any help
you sold me out to save yourself
and I won’t listen to your shame
you ran away, you’re all the same
angels lie to keep control
Evie leaned with her elbows on the counter, watching as Lucy twirled about the kitchen, gathering up all the materials she had requested and laying them out before her. "Alright, there's the strawberries, caramel, honey, melted chocolate, cherries, and...wasn't there something else you wanted as well?" Lucy asked, scarlet bob whipping around her face as she turned to look at her. "Whipped cream. The one with the nozzle." She watched as Lucy nodded, fetching it, before she added, "You can't make sundaes without whipped cream." Lucy nodded in agreement before handing her the can. Evie placed everything on the tray and turned to head upstairs into Allison's bedroom again before a voice stopped her. "You know," Lucy started, drawing out her words enough to make Evie turn around again, "you can't make sundaes without ice cream either." Cheeks tinted a darker shade, Evie returned a smirk that rested on Lucy's face. Without a word, she made her way back upstairs. Opening the door with her elbow, backed into the room, smirk still plastered across both cheeks. "I've brought you something sweet," she said, placing the tray with the topical assortments on the bed. Evie plucked a strawberry from the pile and dipped it in the chocolate. Placing the pad of her thumb on Allison's bottom lip, she pulled her lips apart, feeding her the strawberry. She licked the corner of her mouth, cleaning up some that had strayed before licking her lips and grinning. Taking off the cap to the Reddi-Whip, she sprayed her mouth full of cream, swallowing it whole but leaving a saccharine mustache in the wake.
Allison leaned against the headboard of her bed comfortably. Her finger idly swiping across the screen of her phone as she closed one app after another. Evie had cut their very heated, very teenage-like make out session claiming to “be right back”. That had been over fifteen minutes ago and Allison was half tempted to go search for her before she got herself in trouble. She laid her phone down on the bed and was about to sewing her longs around the side of her bed when the door was opened. She watched in amusement as Evie tried to juggle the tray containing a variety of food and toppings on it. “Oh you did?” She asked playfully, her eyes intently watching Evie as she plucked a strawberry from the tray. She opened her lips at Evie’s encouraging touch and sucked lightly on the strawberry before fully biting it. Her eyes fluttered shut as Evie licked along the corner of her mouth. She didn’t open her eyes until she heard the sound of the whip cream. She chuckled at her girlfriend before leaning forward. She met her light blue eyes as she brought a finger to slowly wipe the remaining cream from her lip. She pressed her finger to her lips, watching in fascination as Evie opened her mouth and sucked on her finger. As soon as her finger was release, Allison leaned forward and caught Evie’s lips in a kiss, nipping at her lower lip.
Evie let the can of whipped cream fall to the wayside as her lips were captured in a kiss. Her hands went to Allison's waist, tugging her in as she deepened the kiss. She could taste the sweet chocolate on her breath, and she smiled against her lips. "You're delicious," Evie breathed against her lips before her hands began roaming to where they had been before she had disappeared into the kitchen to get the treats. Fingertips brushed against Allison's waist, pulling her top up over her head. She pressed her palm against the girl's chest, pushing her back onto the mattress with a smirk. "I think I know I few more delicious parts of you I want to taste. Take off your bra," she demanded. As Allison did as she was told, Evie shed her own shirt, throwing it to the floor. Taking one of the jars from the tray she straddled Allison's legs and looked down on her. "I had Lucy melt this chocolate on the stove for me. Tell me if it's too warm." She drizzled the chocolate in a line between Allison's breasts and down her stomach. Her tongue met the coated skin, licking up from her navel to her collarbone. Sucking lightly there for a moment, she moved upward toward Allison's neck, laying a kiss to her chin before she captured her mouth in a kiss. As their lips were enveloped, Evie groped around the bed for the can of whipped cream. Finally seizing it, she pressed the sharply splayed nozzle to Allison's nipple, pinching it slightly before she pressed down and whipped topping expanded from the tip. Evie broke the kiss with a grin, kissing back down her body until her lips found the sweet cream. She licked and sucked, flicking her tongue over the hardening bud.
Allison raised her slender arms over her head easily as she felt the tug of her shirt being pulled up. She giggled as she was pushed back into mattress, bouncing slightly once she landed. “Oh…someone is bossy today.” Allison said playfully, shifting so she could comfortably reach behind her to unhook her lacy bra. Sliding the straps from her shoulders, she flung the material to the side of the bed without much care for where it landed. “I’m sure it’s fine.” She murmured, flinching either way when the chocolate touched her skin. It was warm, more so than she expected, but not terribly bad. Her eyes darkened with lust as she watched Evie lick the path up her body. She bit her lip, closing her eyes as she relished the sensation erupting through her. She kissed Evie feverishly, tangling lithe fingers in curly blonde hair. She was so engrossed in their kiss, she had not been expecting the sudden pressure against her nipple or the cool whipped cream that soon covered it. A tiny gasp was trapped between their lips at the feeling but her eyes quickly opened when their kiss was broken. Eyes trained on Evie like a hawk, she followed her movements until her lover’s mouth covered her breast. Fingers tugged at her hair as she moaned, her back arching against Evie. She tugged on her hair a little harder, urging the girl to come back up and was she did, Allison kissed her hard. Fingertips brushed down against the skin of Evie’s neck down to her back until she reached the clasp of her bra. Nimble fingers quickly undid the binding and waited impatiently for the material to be moved away.
Evie returned back to Allison's lips to kiss her fervently. Goosebumps erupted across her skin as Allison's fingertips trailed down her spine to unhook her bra. Shrugging off the straps, pressed her body flush against her lover's, hands trailing down the curves of her stomach and side. She slipped over her thighs, index finger hooking around a lacy pair of panties. Hooked finger running the length of the hem, she released it, only to let her index finger slip down and rub her through the cloth. She scraped her finger upward and bit down on Allison's lip when she hit her clit again, pressing down in circles on it a few times and letting the friction do its work. Slowly, Evie slid the panties down from Allison's hips and her hand slipped between her legs. Her lithe middle finger rubbed lightly along her slit, teasingly, before slipping inside. It arched inside of her, beckoning, as her thumb flicked over her clit. Evie bit her lip, giving Allison another lingering kiss before she trained downward. Her tongue flattened over the hood of Allison's clit, knowing the electricity she was feeling. Soft fingertips on her thigh made her cast her gaze backward to Allison. Her lover placed her hand on her thigh, suggesting she move to be straddling her. Doing so, Evie lowered herself down on Allison's mouth, a faint sigh echoing through her. Blinking, coming back from her blissful moment's interlude, she grabbed the honey from the tray. Holding back a moan as she worked, she drizzled the honey between Allison's legs. She finished by plucking a cherry from the small bowl and placing it at the entrance of the girl's vagina. A groan vibrated on her lips as she leaned down again, tongue working diligently to clean the mess it had made. She licked down Allison's lips, sharpening and flicking her tongue across for good measure. Her tongue ran along all the seams before flicking into her entrance and scooping up the cherry that rested there. One bite was all it took before she swallowed it. "God, I love you," she whispered against the wet, sweet skin before covering Allison's clit with her mouth. Her tongue massaged every bit of honey off of the sensitive bud, all while Evie maintained a suctioned hold. Evie panted through her nose, her own muscles tensing, fingers digging into Allison's thighs.
Allison bit her lip when she felt Evie's fingers tugging and toying with the hem of her panties. She gave a soft moan, her fingers curling into the bed sheets as Evie's finger entering her, hitting her most sensitive areas. Allison barely was able to respond to Evie's kiss before she felt the pressure of Evie's tongue against her clit. "God..." she whispered softly before she placed the palm of her hand on the Inside of Evie's thigh, the one closest to her face. She grinned when the other girl understood her silent command and positioned herself over Allison's mouth. Lithe fingers, tugged Evie's panties to the side. Grabbing Evie's hips, she pulled her lower body closer and let her tongue swipe the length of Evie's slit. Her tongue found her clit and she pointed her tongue, flicking the sensitive bud. Her index finger slipped inside the girl’s entrance, bending to find Evie’s sweet spot as she suctioned against the hood of her clit. She inserted another finger as her lips found her labia, sucking gently. She moved her mouth downward again until she found her clot again. She sucked and teased her sensitive bud as her fingers thrusted teasingly into her. She moaned against her wet skin as Evie’s ministrations brought her closer and closer to get peak. Her knees pointed inwards as her orgasmed washed through her. She panted heavily through her nose, her legs quivering as she worked to bring Evie to the same peak. She didn’t stop until she felt the familiar clench of Evie’s muscles against her fingers. Allison panted through her nose as she came down from her orgasm, her hands still rubbing Evie’s lower back gently as the other girl regained her breathing. Her lips were pressed against the soft skin of her girlfriend’s inner thigh when her eyes finally decided to glance up. The color drained from her face and her body felt like ice. She didn’t even think and simply threw Evie to the side and sat up, trying to cover herself up. “Christian…I…” Allison stuttered, moving frantically to find pieces of her clothing and put them on. “Christian…what…what are you doing home?” He wasn’t supposed to be back. Not today. He wasn’t due home for another three days.
Evie had just regained her breath when it caught in her throat as she was pushed off of her lover. She rolled over onto the edge of the bed, head craning back to see what had happened. The sight of Christian glaring down at them, cheeks flushed with mortification, made her tumble the rest of the way off the bed. Cornflower blue eyes peered over the edge of the bed at the couple while Allison desperately tried to save face by covering herself up with the sheets. Luckily, Evie grabbed her jeans from the floor, tugging them on. Her hand groped on top of the bed for her shirt, which she pulled on over her head before standing up. “Christian,” she started, but his gaze didn’t shift from his wife. The sting of betrayal echoed in his dark eyes. “This isn’t...” She was about to say that it wasn’t what it looked like, but how could it be anything different? Her gaze shot to Allison, her heart sinking into her gut though she had only the faintest idea why yet. “I don’t know what to say to you except...I’m sorry...” Christian finally broke his gaze from Allison to glare at Evie. His jaw was tense as he said, “Then don’t say anything. I don’t want to hear it from you...I want to hear it from her.” As he finished, his stony gaze turned back to Allison, Evie’s eyes following.
Allison finally stood up once she had managed to find her clothes. Her gaze shifted to Evie and then back to her husband when his stiff words echoed before them. She met his eyes for the first time since he entered the bedroom. They were cold and hurt. They didn’t look at her with the love, awe and admiration that had been present a week ago. It broke her heart to see him look at her with just negative emotions. She was living her worst nightmare. “Christian…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry but it’s not…we weren’t.” Christian finally moved, running a hand through his hair before he approached Allison again, arms outstretched. “It’s isn’t what? It isn’t what it looks like? Because it looks pretty that damn clear to me!” He yelled, causing Allison to flinch at the tone. “It looks like you were throwing our marriage down the drain while you sleep with this…this dyke!” He paused, only briefly to look at Evie before his gaze returned to Allison. The tears were falling from her eyes even though she had no reason to be the one c crying. She had caused this. “Is that what you are, Allison? Are you a dyke like her because that’s something you should have told me a hell of long time ago!” At this point he had grabbed Allison by the arm and shook her slightly, the pain in his eyes drowning Allison. “No, Christian, I’m - I’m not…It was just…I don’t know what it was!” The words slipped out and she could practically feel Evie’s heart start to crumble. This was what she had been so terrified about.
Evie bit the inside of her cheek and looked away as Allison clumsily tried to explain away a situation that only had one explanation. As his tone deepened and bellowed, she felt her stomach churn and twist. The guilt was bubbling up to the surface, making her nauseous. Then Christian said a word that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end and her stomach twist in an entirely different kind of way. Her glare was speared through Christian, but she continued to bite her tongue. He had every reason to be angry, and she could handle an insult or two hurled her way when she was deserving. And she was deserving. When he snatched Allison’s arm, however, Evie sucked in a deep breath. There was barely a moment for her to process Allison’s half-denial of their relationship, the truth, before she crossed the room. She grabbed Christian’s arm, ripping his grasp away and shoving him slightly back in the process. Teeth clenched, she seethed out, “Don’t you dare fucking touch her,” while glaring up at him. A look of shock graced his face for a fraction of a second before it melted back into rage. She expected him to fire back at her in a booming voice, but it was in an even tone that he whispered,“Know your place.” Evie blinked up at him, grinding her teeth down as her fingers curled into tight fists. “You don’t tell me how to touch my wife. I’m her husband...you’re just her whore,” he finished with a snarl. Before her mind registered it, her fist had already pulled back and was hurdling forward, prepared to make impact with Christian’s jaw. He caught her dainty fist in his palm, twisting her arm and pushing so that she landed sprawled out on the carpet. Christian turned back to his wife. “How long?” he asked her, voice still even. Evie stared up at them from the floor. When an answer didn’t come straight away, he grabbed Allison’s arm again, dragging her toward the edge of the bed. “I asked you how long you’ve been screwing this...this tramp behind my back. How long have you been lying to me? How long?! His voice had begun to boom again, echoing off the walls and making Evie’s bones rattle through.
Allison didn’t fight Christian’s grasp. It was a shock that he was grabbing her like this but he wasn’t hurting her and in the end, he had every reason to be this angry with her. What she had done was unforgivable. She didn’t expect – though she probably should have- Evie to come charging at her husband and push him away. Christian had expected the action even less than Allison had. “Evie don’t!” Allison shouted as her girlfriend’s small fist shot out directly aimed for her husband. It didn’t make impact but as she watched Christian twisted Evie’s arm, Allison stepped forward, grabbing his arm and yanking him away from the younger girl. “Don’t!” When Christian turned to look at him and uttered his next words, Allison froze, even as he dragged her to him. She lowered her eyes, unable to meet them as she would be forced to admit the extent of her infidelity. Allison flinched as his boom voice shook her and she whispered, “A year…it’s been a year.” She admitted finally and Christian’s eyes widen slightly. For a moment, Allison saw the full extent of her damage in his dark hues. He was vulnerable, begging her to say this was cruel joke. It broke Allison’s heart. “I’m so sorry Christian.” She sobbed, reaching to grab onto the lapels of his suit jacket. He just stepped away from her and turned away. “A year…A year, Allison? You’ve been doing this to me for a year?” His voice softened but he didn’t turn to face her. Instead, he sighed and turned to walk out of the room. Allison stood frozen in her place, glancing shortly down at Evie before she followed him, calling out so he would stop. He turned around and looked at her, his gaze shifting to Evie afterwards. “Do you love her? Because if you do, then there is no reason for me to stay.” He said, walking back towards the bedroom until he was near Allison again. “This is eight years, Allison. Eight years we devoted our love together so if it ends here…if this is not what you want any more then you need to tell me right now. Do I stay or do I leave?” Allison’s breath hitched in her throat and she glanced back to Evie with tears still falling her over her cheeks like endless rivers. She met her light blue eyes and she knew that she loved this woman. This woman was very likely the last piece of her soul. Fate should have had them meet first but instead it had handed her the man pleading with her to give him a reason to stay. Could she really end a life she had built over an impulse she had a year ago? But could she really go back to living a life she wasn’t so sure she belonged in anymore? “Allison…do you love her?” The question rang through her mind but she knew she was just pushing the inventible away. Christian was her husband; the one person she had vowed to love for the rest of her life. She had already broken so many of their vows but she wasn’t ready to lose everything. She was afraid and this time, fear won. “I don’t love her.” Allison whispered, her voice cracking at the words she was forcing herself to utter, to believe. A sob shook her and she turned to Evie, meeting the clear blues that were suddenly so dull. The hurt shot through her. “I’m so sorry, Evie, but I think it’s time for you to go.”
Evie watched the exchange between Allison and Christian. She watched as Allison crossed the room, running after her husband and begging him to stay. She watched him cast a hateful gaze on her as he asked his wife if she loved her. All she could do was watch. Her legs were still splayed beneath her from when she fell, so she stared up at Allison when her dark eyes met hers. In the back of her mind, she wondered what it might feel like to be Christian in those few moments, waiting for his wife to answer whether or not she was in love with this other woman enough to forsake their marriage. The look seemed endless, but instead of free-floating through the fathomless spaces in her dark eyes, Evie found the gaze to be more similar to being trapped inside of a dying star, ready to implode. In that fleeting, tear-filled glance, Evie fully realized the sinking feeling in her gut: this was their supernova. Even knowing all this, she was still unprepared for Allison’s answer. Pale blue eyes blinked, her world going silent for a moment as the words repeated over and over in her mind like a scratched record. As she was asked to leave, she hung her head, tears stinging at her eyes. This was it. This was their fate. It had been foolish to think that their souls had become entangled for anything other than strife. The tears from her eyes glistened in the light before splashing onto the carpet, soaking in. “No,” she whispered, raising her head to look at Allison again. The blue of her iris contrasted sharply with her reddening eyes. “How can you tell me to go, just like that?” she asked, voice low as she rose from her spot on the floor. “Why do you get to make all the decisions? Is it because it’s still not any of my business? Well, when does it become my business? Because I want to have a fucking say in this!” Her voice built with every word, until she found herself yelling at the two of them. On shaking legs, she composed herself, lowering her voice again. “You’re a shitty liar, you know that? Saying that you don’t love me...who would believe that?” Her gaze shifted to Christian, and he squirmed beneath it. “You don’t, do you? Not really, anyway. You know.” Her body seemed to find its way, moving closer to Allison so that they were mere feet apart before she had even turned to look fully at her again. Evie’s gaze softened as they looked into her dark irises, hopelessly pleading. “We belong together, and you know that.” She tried to sound convincing, but her voice began to tremble and betray her. “You’re in love with me...say it. Tell him the truth, the real truth, for once.”
Allison shut her eyes, the tears still falling from her eyes when Evie spoke up. She knew her feisty blonde wasn’t going to let this go easily and she didn’t expect her to. It wouldn’t be Evie if she had just let this go. Allison had let all of this go too far when she shouldn’t have started it to begin with. Evie knew the truth; Allison was in love with her but she couldn’t choose her. It broke her heart and she felt a piece of her shattered. But she had made a vow, a promise and tied her life to the man standing in front of her whose only crime was to fall in love with her. She couldn’t break that so she would break herself to make her marriage work, the marriage she destroyed. Allison opened her eyes and saw Evie standing in front her, pleading for her to tell the truth. To pick her. To pick them and save them. She met her gaze with pleading eyes for her to understand and to forgive her for ruining them, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t love you.” The word tasted sour in her mouth, choking her as she uttered them. “I’m sorry I led you on but …. I love my husband.” She steeled herself for the next words, knowing that they would the ones to crush her. She couldn’t bear to look at her love as she said them so she looked up to stare at Christian. “I don’t know why I did it…but you were nothing more than an experiment…. A passing thing.” Her voice broke mid-sentence and she finally met Evie’s eyes. “You were a mistake.” The words were the worst lie she ever told and she couldn’t stand the look that Evie gave her in that moment. A small shook her frame as she covered her face. “Please…. please just go.”
Evie didn’t need Allison to chose to be with her. She knew she had lost that battle before it had even truly begun. Allison was too good, too loyal a person to leave her husband behind after such a brief and tenuous affair, but she wanted her to at least admit the truth. She wanted her to stop hiding behind the person everyone else made her up to be and be strong enough to be herself when making the decision to stay. Instead, Evie found the same Allison she had met a year ago, saying everything Christian wanted her to say. Trapped in Allison’s teary gaze, Evie began to close off more at every word. Lights went out in her eyes, leaving the deep blues hollow. The slight hope that had turned the corners of her mouth now had them fall slack again. Mistake. The word rang in her ears for a moment before she fully understood it. Even though her walls had come up to shield her from the pain, that piece of shrapnel hit her square in the chest, almost crippling her. Evie stared at the girl in front of her, willing her to look at her. That was the least she could do after that, wasn’t it? Why couldn’t she have one last look into those fathomless eyes and get lost one more time? Lithe fingers began to reach out, desiring to turn Allison’s gaze forward again, but then Evie squeezed the fingers into a tight fist. She wasn’t hers to touch anymore. She never had been. Her fist hit the wall a few inches from the side of Allison’s head, but it was barely strong enough to produce any sort of sound. “You’re a fucking liar,” she said through gritted teeth, but the words were lacking any sort of punch. Turning around, she walked briskly toward the door, stopping when she met Christian on her way. Both of them staring in different directions - her at the door and him at his wife - she said, “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but I’m not sorry you found out.” She noticed him about to respond, but she cut him off with her quick, sharp words. “But you still don’t understand a goddamn thing.” With that, she scurried out of the room. The dam inside her was about to overflow. Rushing down the winding staircase, she nearly fell down the last few steps and into the butler’s arms. “Miss Marcs! Are you all right?” he asked though he could see the answer from the tears that had begun streaming down her flushed cheeks. Evie shook her head, pushing away from him and past the other household employees in order to flee. Gasping for breath and body racking in sobs, she leaned against her car as she got outside. She jammed her key into the lock and crawled to safety. Looking back up at the mansion she had just emerged from, she caught sight of two shadows in front of an enormous, curtained window upstairs. The taste of honey still lingered and danced across her tastebuds as she began to pull out of the driveway, but it no longer tasted sweet. Now there was nothing but bitterness.
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there is nothing to me
there is nothing, though there was a time
I had felt elation
before all sensation died
02. “Nobody’s Daughter” by Hole
anesthetize all your horrors away
we live inside this black web you have spun
greed and your bile is miles away
don't tell me I have lost when clearly I've won
03. “The Westerner” by Falling in Reverse
well, I spent most of my teenage years
searching for [his] love
I could not find it anywhere
so I turned to drugs
and after all the smoke had cleared
and it was said and done
I found myself addicted by the age of 21
04. “Let It Bleed” by The Used
this poison's my intoxication
I broke the needle off in my skin
picked the scabs and picked the bleeding
and assumed that it was all in vain
05. “Last Resort” by Papa Roach
cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort,
suffocation, no breathing
don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
do you even care if I die bleeding?
06. “It’s All Over” by Three Days Grace
the needle’s breaking your skin
the scar is sinking in
and now your trip begins but
it’s all over for you
07. “Hey Montana” by Eve 6
no one sees the color of your eyes
no one sees your smile
no one knows the secrets that you hide
no one sees you cry
08. “She’s Gonna Break Soon” by Less Than Jake
welcome to her busy dizzy life
of going out and getting high
and following all the latest trends
while shedding all her oldest friends
09. “Vampire Heart” by HIM
let me bleed you this song of my heart deformed
and lead you along this path in the dark
where I belong ‘til I feel your warmth
10. “Fear of Dying” by Jack Off Jill
I'm not afraid of looking ugly
I couldn't care what they say
I'm not afraid of happy endings
I'm just afraid my life won't work that way
11. “Friends and Alibis” by Escape the Fate
so fill this hole with my prescriptions
I just keep feeding my addictions
12. “Is Anybody Home?” by Our Lady Peace
hey, is anybody home?
has anybody wasted tears on the loneliness
that everyone becomes?
13. “God of Wine” by Third Eye Blind
I can't get clean again
I want to know, can we get clean again?
14. “Breaking the Habit” by Linkin Park
memories consume like opening the wounds
I'm picking me apart again
you all assume
I'm safe here in my room
unless I try to start again
15. “Alibis” by Marianas Trench
this is not the man I hoped to be
and I’m just trying to stop the bleeding
16. “The Leaving Song Part II” by AFI
imperfect cry, and scream in ecstasy
so what befalls the flawless?
look what I've built, it shines so beautifully
now watch as it destroys me
Allison finally managed to control her breathing pattern so she wasn’t quaking in Evie’s embrace any more. The tears still fell from her dark eyes but they weren’t overflowing like they previously had been. A small amount of guilt blossomed when she felt Evie wince at her choice of words. She pulled her head up at Evie’s subtle touch and met her eyes. She shook her head and moved slightly forward so she could kiss Evie’s lips. “No. No I don’t think what we are doing is disgusting. I think it’s beautiful and I love being with you in every way.” She paused, licking her own lips as she tried to think of how to word her next statement. “I don’t think our relationship is disgusting but I feel…dirty at what I am doing. I am in a relationship with two people, I am sleeping with two people. I am a cheater. And that what makes me feel so…awful about myself. Not us. My actions.” she clarified, the corners of her lips turning into a sad smile. She leaned slightly in Evie’s touch before accepting her hand in hers, giving her hand a squeeze. “I don’t know either.” She whispered, resting her head against Evie’s chest again. “I just hate that I’m hurting him…but I also hate that I’m hurting you. I can’t promise you what you want…not yet and by making you wait…I’m just hurting you too because I know what you want and I can’t give it you completely yet.” Or ever, she finished the sentence in her head, lowering her eyes. The worst pain of all was not knowing. Not knowing what her future held or who she would break in the end.
Evie stared into the dark galaxies held in Allison’s eyes, still glistening from the tears. Some of her inner-qualms were satiated as her lover explained that she didn’t think of their relationship as disgusting, but not all. Her mind had already filled in the words that were missing from the statement before Allison had a chance to say them. They were not disgusting, but what they were doing was. Light blue eyes fluttered closed and her chest rose slowly with a deep intake of breath. She knew - and she assumed that her lover did as well - that the only way that feeling of wretchedness could ever disappear for Allison was if she ended things, one way or another, whether that be with her or Christian. And somewhere in Evie’s soul, some dark part that held everything she didn’t want to bring into the daylight to face, she knew that she would be the infected limb Allison cut off to stop this disease from killing her. As Allison rested her head on her chest, Evie stroked her dark curls absently, twirling chocolate tresses around her index finger before letting them fall again. “Hurting me?” she parroted softly. “These past months...being with you...I’ve been happier than I can remember being in quite some time. I feel more like myself with you than I ever have with anyone else.” Her hand slipped beneath the dark locks of hair to gently cup her neck before she pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. “Waiting for you doesn’t hurt me, so long as I can wait with you.” She did not add how devastated she would be if the waiting ended and she was still not the one because she didn’t need to. That was obvious. But it was enough for now to just be by Allison’s side, even if it was temporary. “What about if tonight...we just forget about all of that? Let’s forget that we are in the home you and Christian made together, that we’re doing something wrong, that we have a future that we don’t know the end of. Tonight...let’s just be Allison and Evie, together and in love,” she suggested, searching her lover’s eyes for her opinion. “Can we do that? Just for tonight?”
Allison sank into her bed, her hands cradling her face. A sob shook her frame violently and even though she tried to stop the breakdown she was feeling , she couldn’t stop it. Before Allison could comprehend what was going on, she was shaking, sobs erupting from her. The pain and guilt of everything she had been dealing with came crashing down. Every pained and angry look that Christian sent her flashed in her mind, every sentence he ever told her that was obviously filed with hurt struck her and suddenly she felt like the vermin she knew she was. The nights she would be giggling and smiling and rolling in the sheets with Evie, her husband would lay alone in this bed, worried and hurt. Not only Christian, but Evie too. She had this wonderful and amazing girl who loved her strung along. She couldn’t even promise that they would have a happy ending because she didn’t know what she wanted. The thought of leaving Christian struck fear inside of her and she wasn’t sure she could leave him. That only built more hate because in the end, Allison was almost positive she would be Evie’s destruction. The sound of her sobs covered the sound of Evie trying to get into the room and she did not realize she wasn’t alone until she felt her body against hers, the bed dipping at the added weight. She listened to the words, letting the soft tone try and soothe her. When Evie finished, Allison shifted and leaned into her. The other girl was right, she knew she couldn’t keep this in but how could she talk about her husband to her lover? She pushed her weight back until they both fell against the bed and she curled herself into Evie, resting her head against her chest. “It’s just….I can’t stand to hurt him. I love him too.” She whispered, though she was unsure if she loved him the same. “I can’t let him touch me without feeling disgust for myself. I can’t stand to see him hurting. He’s my best friend. I have a life with him and it’s eating me apart.” She whispered, her breath labored. “He is a really good man…he loves me and all he wants is for me to be happy. He was supposed to be my prince…he was supposed to be my happy ending and I was supposed to be his…but I think I’m just his undoing.”
Evie wrapped her arms around Allison as their bodies hit the down comforter. She cradled the girl’s head in her arms, fingers brushing through dark curls. Kissing the top of her head and breathing in the scent of lavender shampoo, she listened as her lover spoke. “I know,” she comforted her a few times. This really was tearing Allison apart, but she had been so focused on herself and the way her past kept creeping up to haunt her to even notice her lover’s pain. How could she honestly still be spouting nonsense about destiny and soulmates when the person she was supposed to love was hurting so badly without her noticing? She winced as Allison described how vile she felt from their affair, how it affected her marriage. “You shouldn’t feel disgusted... I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel guilty about it, but disgusted is just so...” She gathered her breath, holding it in her lungs for a moment before exhaling, pulling Allison up to look into her eyes. Her voice was low as she asked, “Do you think what we’re doing is disgusting? I know it’s not right, that it’s a shit thing to do, but...is it disgusting, too?” She placed her lips to the bridge of Allison’s nose, smoothing her hair down. She wanted to say, “He’s your best friend and you have a life together, but is that enough reason to keep killing yourself over this?” but she bit her tongue, not wanting to seem like she was attacking Christian again. It was true that what they were doing wasn’t fair to him, but this pain wasn’t fair to Allison either, no matter how much she might have thought she deserved it. The world was simply unconcerned with the concept of fairness. She’d learned that years ago. Soft fingers traced Allison’s dimples before brushing away a tear. “Maybe he is your prince...but maybe that wasn’t your fairytale. Or maybe it was. Hell, I don’t know,” she murmured, hand slipping down to Allison’s hand and lacing their fingers together. “All I know is that you can’t predict the end of anything. There’s no ‘supposed to’. There’s just what is and what will be.”
Allison scoffed, her head shaking at Evie’s cold words. She just couldn’t stop insulting and criticizing her marriage, could she? “I was happy!” And she had been, she had been happy because that was the only life she had known. She had not known there was anything else so she had been happy with what she had. Her marriage had been perfect. Allison fought when she felt Evie’s hands trying pull her hand from her face but eventually, let the blonde do what she wanted. Dark eyes been oceanic ones in a hard stare and scoffed at the reply. Allison wasn’t someone to open up emotionally. It took a lot for her to do so but even a simple query would have meant the world to her coming from the woman who was supposed to love her. When her hands were unpinned, Allison let them fall to her sides, curling into fists once more. Once again, it was suddenly all about her and for a moment, Allison did start to feel guilty. She had a point; Allison had not exactly opened up to Evie emotionally yet. It had not been fair to blow on Evie when Allison had know that the way of she was feeling wasn’t something to be shared. Sure, they shared love but other than that, Evie didn’t know anything about her. Where Allison could provide little details about Evie, the other girl couldn’t do the same for her. How can she be mad at her for something that wasn’t her fault? “Then how I am supposed to let you in when it doesn’t seem like you even care?” She asked, voice cold. Inhaling deeply, Allison nodded numbly and shook her head. She had known this wasn’t something she could talk about. This was her punishment for the evils she was doing. There was pressure in her chest, the urge to cry still deep within her but she tried to push it down. “You know what? You’re right.” She said after a moment. “No, you’re right. I haven’t let you in and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that…just forget it.” Allison said, voice low as she wiped at her face. She was trying to find her composure again but she found it was proving to be an impossible task. “I’ll deal with my ruined marriage separately. She needed to get out and leave this room because she was seconds away from breaking down and she didn’t want to do it in front of her. “I’ll…I’ll be back.” She whispered, turning and leaving the room behind without a backwards glance.
Regret crept up Evie’s spine. Her lips parted in apology, but her voice didn’t reach. It was as if she had used up all her words thoughtlessly spilling her guts again. As the door slammed shut behind Allison, Evie tilted her head back and drew out a long “Fuuuck”. She breathed out before her head turned toward the door. “I’m an idiot,” she muttered, walking through the halls. She heard a soft sob come from the master bedroom, and she walked toward it. Hand poised above the door knob, she sighed. Her forehead clunked against the door, and she raised her hand to rap lightly instead. “Allison...let me in. Please.” Silence. “I mean physically this time,” she clarified. Silence. Evie tapped her head against the door again before looking up at the wood and sighing. Jerking the door handle, she swung it open and said, “Sorry, but this is me barging in without invitation again. This is what I do.” She took in as much of Allison’s appearance as she was allowed to see, and shut her eyes for a moment to hide the image of where her mouth, her selfishness had gotten her.
Walking slowly toward her, Evie reached out her hand to place it on Allison’s shoulder, but then hesitated. Instead, she sank down next to her on the bed. “Listen, I know that I barged into your life and fucked it up. I mean, I know that - what’s that phrase? - it takes two to tango, and that’s true. But I’m the one who did this. I saw your ring. I knew what this was. If I-” Her sentence trailed off, swallowing down the words, “-hadn’t dragged you into this twisted fate. She took Allison’s hand, running her thumb over the knuckles and staring intently at them. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel guilty, It’s just fucking hell knowing the cause.” Her thumb slipped across the gold band and large diamond, and she bit her lip. “And I know that Christian is a good guy. I don’t hate him. It’s just...I don’t want us to be the bad guys, but we are. And I don’t know who’s worse: you for doing this to him or me for doing it to you.” She shook her head, clearing the words from her mind. “It doesn’t matter because the guilt is eating us both alive. I know I can’t...ever imagine what this is doing to you, and it’s not fair of me to try and pry a pandora’s box open like that,” she admitted. Her eyes raised, fingertips lightly grazing Allison’s arm as they traveled up to tuck a curl behind her ear. “I just love you. I don’t want you to hurt. I wish I could mend what’s broken, but...I can’t. All I can do is be here, right now, in this moment. All I can do is listen.” Gentle lips pressed against Allison’s shoulder. “It’s not healthy keeping it all bottled up like that. You need to let it out sometimes or it’ll suffocate you. Back there, when you called me a bitch, that was good,” she said, cracking a tentative smile.
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Allison nodded at her explanation, slightly thankful that she had not left work any earlier. If she had, she would have been here for the argument and probably would have made things worse. “What? No.” Allison responded, eyebrow knitting at the question. She leaned her head up, letting her girlfriend take her temperature. When Evie grabbed her face, Allison lowered her eyes slightly to avoid Evie’s gaze. Her eyes closed momentarily at the slight kiss but when the question was thrown in the air, Allison scowled and pulled away from the blonde girl’s grip. “Nothing he doesn’t have a right a do. We got into a little fight.” She smiled, waving off the concern like she always did. She had chosen to do this to her life so she had to endure this. She would swallow all her emotions keep the mask up because the disaster her life had become was her own doing. “What do you want to do tonight?”
Evie retracted her hand quickly, staring at her lover after the sudden movement. Her hand twitched at her side, and she lowered her eyes. “He doesn’t have the right. Just because-” She cut her sentence short, grinding her teeth down to bite back the words. Of course Allison would think that she was deserving of whatever Christian had thrown at her, but it wasn’t her fault. It was her own selfishness. “I want to talk about whatever is bothering you,” she said, leaning down so that she was at eye-level with Allison. Her fists unclenched, and she placed a hand on her knee. “Stop pretending. Do you think I know so little about you that I don’t know when you’re hurting? I just want to know what’s wrong.” Her fingers slipped down Allison’s thin leg, fingernail snagging on a small run in her tights. Blue eyes looked up at Allison and soft lips pressed a kiss to her knee. “I would’ve thought you loved me enough by now to let me in.”
Allison turned her eyes away from Evie, sighing at the direction their conversation was taking. She had hoped this wouldn’t become a thing and they would have dropped it by now. The older female listened to the words that were being said and she felt her fists clenching at her sides. Stop pretending? How could she ever stop pretending? She could never talk about this with her. It either always made Evie feel guilty or it would upset her. Allison had no one to talk to about any of this. She could have let everything else go but the last sentence drove her off the wall. Didn’t love her enough? She was risking her entire life for this girl and she didn’t love her enough? Allison’s teeth clenched and she dug her fingernails into her palm before she shot up and stared down at Evie. “Love you enough?” Allison asked her with disbelief in her voice. “God Evie…just….just shut up. It’s not all about you, don’t you get that!?” Allison’s voice rose and she stepped away from her lover, pacing the room before turning to face her. “It’s always about you. Always! So don’t you dare question the fact that I love you because everything I do is for you! Everything that happens to me is because of you! My life is bloody mess because of you! Because I love you!” Allison seethed, her voice echoing off the walls of her study. “So yes! Christian has every right to say and do whatever the hell he wants because I am ruining him! I am ruining our marriage! Because I am an adulterous bitch and I am fucking around with someone else!” Her voice broke and she felt the hot sting of angry tears building in her eyes. Christian hated her and she didn’t blame him. She hated herself. “Well what about me?! What about the fact that I hate myself? What about the fact that I can’t sleep at night because I am flooded with guilt and disgust at the woman I have become?! Did you ever stop and think that this isn’t just hard on you?! I don’t even know who I am anymore!!” Allison’s breathing was heavy, her frame shaking. “Don’t fucking pretend to care for one second about what is going on in my life because you dont!” Allison shouted, wiping angrily at the tears that run down her cheeks. “You have no idea what I am feeling because you have never bothered to even ask. This affair is hard on you? Please….” Allison shook her head and stepped back until her back hit the wall. In that moment, she found herself wanting Christian there. She needed to hear that he forgave her, needed to feel him hold in because he knew how to soothe her. “Oh god…” She whimpered to herself, covering her face to hide the tears that wouldn’t stop flowing.
Evie stared up at her, throat dry. A small gasp left her as she was commanded to shut up, the words ringing in her ears. When Allison rose, she stayed kneeling, looking forward as she reeled from the moment. It was her fault. She knew that. She had been selfish in needing something bright in her life, but, like everything else, she could see it fleeting. So why had she done this in the first place if it was only going to wreck everything? It wasn’t until Allison began yelling again, spewing sharp words about how it was her own fault as well, that Evie stood and looked at her. A cold look flashed toward the girl, and a wry laugh that didn’t reach past her mouth left her. “You seriously think your marriage wasn’t ruined before you met me? You really are pretending,” she spat. Her heart softened as she watched the tears bud and fall from Allison’s eyes. She took a careful step forward, hand halfway outstretched before it fell limp to her side. “I know it’s hard on you,” she whispered, eyes drawn to the floor. Heaving a breath that echoed through her whole frame, her eyes shot back up at Allison as she hurled the accusations at her. Didn’t care? Her eyebrows knitted down, heat rising in her cheeks. As Allison backed herself up against the wall, she moved in front of her. Evie grabbed hold of Allison’s wrists, pinning them to the wall so that she could see the dark, bloodshot eyes hidden beneath her hands. “I didn’t bother to ask because you never bothered to tell,” she seethed. “I didn’t ask because I’m not supposed to be in this part of you life. I’m not supposed to be here with you.” She unpinned Allison’s hands, standing in front of her with shoulders that rose with each ragged breath. “You know so much about my life...so many dark and dirty secrets... I want to know you, but how can I get past this wall you and he built?” Turning her head away, she looked at the rows of books, regaining her composure. Her eyes fluttered shut. “I only get half of you. Yes, I get your heart, I know that, but he has your life. He has your history and your family. But me...” She bit the inside of her cheek, sentence trailing off. Chewing until she tasted a drop of blood, her eyes snapped open and she glared at Allison. “...I just get the part of you that you don’t want anyone else to see. So tell me how I’m supposed to ask you how your feeling when I know you won’t give me a straight answer anyway. Tell me how I know you when you don’t really want me to.”
Allison nodded at her explanation, slightly thankful that she had not left work any earlier. If she had, she would have been here for the argument and probably would have made things worse. “What? No.” Allison responded, eyebrow knitting at the question. She leaned her head up, letting her girlfriend take her temperature. When Evie grabbed her face, Allison lowered her eyes slightly to avoid Evie’s gaze. Her eyes closed momentarily at the slight kiss but when the question was thrown in the air, Allison scowled and pulled away from the blonde girl’s grip. “Nothing he doesn’t have a right a do. We got into a little fight.” She smiled, waving off the concern like she always did. She had chosen to do this to her life so she had to endure this. She would swallow all her emotions keep the mask up because the disaster her life had become was her own doing. “What do you want to do tonight?”
Evie retracted her hand quickly, staring at her lover after the sudden movement. Her hand twitched at her side, and she lowered her eyes. “He doesn’t have the right. Just because-” She cut her sentence short, grinding her teeth down to bite back the words. Of course Allison would think that she was deserving of whatever Christian had thrown at her, but it wasn’t her fault. It was her own selfishness. “I want to talk about whatever is bothering you,” she said, leaning down so that she was at eye-level with Allison. Her fists unclenched, and she placed a hand on her knee. “Stop pretending. Do you think I know so little about you that I don’t know when you’re hurting? I just want to know what’s wrong.” Her fingers slipped down Allison’s thin leg, fingernail snagging on a small run in her tights. Blue eyes looked up at Allison and soft lips pressed a kiss to her knee. “I would’ve thought you loved me enough by now to let me in.”
Evie checked her hair in the review mirror of her car, brushing her bangs down. Despite knowing that Christian was away on business again, she checked the driveway before getting out of the vehicle. She twirled her keys around her finger as she walked up to the door. Before she could raise her fist to knock, the butler opened the door. “That’s spooky, Sebastian,” she breathed, clutching her chest in faux fear. “Your car is quite loud, Miss Evie. And, once again, my name is not Sebastian,” he replied as he took her jacket. Laughing, she apologized before asking where Allison was. After receiving her answer, she took the stairs up to the second floor. She knocked softly on the door of Allison’s library, whispering against the wood, “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?” She turned the knob, throwing the door open in a burst. “It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!” she yelled, throwing her arms up as soon as the room was revealed to her, hoping to elicit a laugh from her lover. As she turned her eyes back down however, her arms slowly fell back to her side. “Hey,” she said, voice unsure as she read the tension.
Allison sat her desk, fingers knotted in her hair. She flinched slightly when she heard the front door slam shut with such force she swore the large home shook. Christian never slammed doors, he never raised his voice, he never left home if they were in the middle of the fight, and he would never leave without at least telling her I love you. He didn’t do any of that tonight. Tonight, Christian had left seething without so much as a backwards glance at her. He was upset with her and rightfully so. They fought every day now and it was taking it’s toll on her emotionally. She didn’t know how long she could keep living this life. How long she could keep hurting her husband. She loathed herself and the person she had become but she couldn’t end either portion of her life. Evie was her love and she needed her but Christian had been there for her and she had vowed herself to him. Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t even hear Evie until the door of her study was unexpectedly opened. The dorkish antics would have normally had her giggling with lover but today, Allison barely smiled at her. She wiped at her face, hoping to erase any signs of the fight that had just taken place. “Hey. You’re early.” She commented, shifting in her chair to face her.
“Yeah, I got off work early, so I thought I’d come early and surprise you,” she answered, leaning against the door to push it shut. Her fingertips tapped against the oak behind her before she pushed herself off it and crossed the room. “You look a bit flushed. Are you running a fever?” She pressed the back of her hand to Allison’s forehead, frowning. Normal. Grabbing Allison’s chin, her thumb pressed just below her bottom lip, she turned the girl’s dark eyes toward her. Her eyebrows knitted down, the slightest scowl on her lips. Leaning down, she pressed her lips to the side of the girl’s mouth and tasted the slightest hint of a salty aftertaste. “What did he do?” she asked, voice barely even.
Evie checked her hair in the review mirror of her car, brushing her bangs down. Despite knowing that Christian was away on business again, she checked the driveway before getting out of the vehicle. She twirled her keys around her finger as she walked up to the door. Before she could raise her fist to knock, the butler opened the door. “That’s spooky, Sebastian,” she breathed, clutching her chest in faux fear. “Your car is quite loud, Miss Evie. And, once again, my name is not Sebastian,” he replied as he took her jacket. Laughing, she apologized before asking where Allison was. After receiving her answer, she took the stairs up to the second floor. She knocked softly on the door of Allison’s library, whispering against the wood, “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?” She turned the knob, throwing the door open in a burst. “It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!” she yelled, throwing her arms up as soon as the room was revealed to her, hoping to elicit a laugh from her lover. As she turned her eyes back down however, her arms slowly fell back to her side. “Hey,” she said, voice unsure as she read the tension.
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