Scripted Starling

We were standing on the edge of a river.

You and me. All alone.

It was a fresh springtime afternoon....there was this gentle wind blowing, the orange sun was setting...and this weird kinda tranquillity... it was all around us. Covering us. Sheltering us.

The river was green. A shallow kind of green...you didn't like it at first. You didn't tell me but I knew.

You preferred it blue- because of the sky, but it wasn't.

Blue was your favourite color.

We stood there for a long time. Without talking.

I really wanted to ask- "Why are we here?"

But I stopped myself having no idea why.

Suddenly you turned around, looked into my eyes and touched my skin.

Skin. My bare hollow skin.

You touched your lips to all over it.

In every inch. In every curve. In every corner.

I wanted to do the same. I was craving to feel the same.

But I couldn't.

Because of what you did. You drowned me. You drowned me in the river. That shallow green colored river.

I remember I was grasping for air....I was trying to scream, trying to free myself but unable to.

I screamed your name. Once. Twice. Thrice. At one point I lost count.

I don't know for how many times I kept screaming your name.

It was nothing but some loud muffled words.

So maybe you didn’t hear me at all.

But... you could see, right? I knew you could see me, even if you couldn’t hear me well! You have eyes, no?

So then I wanted you to see me.

"I am suffering, I need to breathe! Look at me. LOOK AT ME PLEASE!" - I screamed my heart out. I screamed with my eyes! Again. And again. And again.

And again.

You saw me. Finally. Like REALLY saw me. And you strangled me even more...harder than before...with all your strength...like nobody has ever done to anyone on this planet!

I was feeling numb...and weak....and helpless.

And you were watching me....you were there the whole time....

You looked me into the eyes....again....with so much love and sadness and grief....and then finally choked me to death.

And as I died....all soaked in cold water, no breathing- my body was ice-frozen....but I could still sense you...you were so desperate!

For one last time you touched my skin, my bare hollow skin....

Every inch, every curve, every corner.... and then you let me go.

Alone, it rains for no reason.

Even today I paint in surprise-

A black and white moment in disguise.

wants to get out

but I pour whiskey on him and inhale

cigarette smoke."

-Charles Bukowski

-Charles Bukowski

ROOM WITH A RED DOOR

I live in a room.

A room with a red door.

My room has no windows but just this door. A big wide Red door. A door that never opens. A door that has no locks but it always remains shut. This red door protects me and my room from everything bad that's happening outside. But I don't even know what is the actual definition of bad. I was just told it's for my safety. Someone's been telling this to me in my head for a very long time.

I don't know what is in the other side of this red door.

But someday I wish to see.

In my room, it's always night. Dark, cold and long silent nights. Sun has never risen to my room. But sometimes I can feel the sun...it runs through my veins.

I can sense it's warmth and light flowing slowly within my body. It makes me feel stable.

There are moments when I feel to go outside. I've never been to anywhere else except my room. I so want to see what is happening to the world.

But I can't. Somehow I feel my hands and legs are tied up with something. I can't see any ropes yet I feel the constant pain as if they are stuck with something tight.

My room doesn’t have any air. At least not that I know of. I always feel suffocated in here. I can sense myself grasping for air. But I can't find any. I want to breathe. But I don’t know how to. So I try to inhale this suffocation so that it can reach into my heart and lungs.

Then it might find a way itself to get me free from this room...for the first and last time.

It hurts sometimes, the suffocation, it feels heavy...really heavy, but then again I ask myself, which one hurts the most?

I've been living in this room my whole life.

I close my eyes to get some sleep and all I see is darkness. I open my eyes to avoid that darkness, but all I see is darkness again.

"We'll have sex. First thing first. After this quarantine. "

"What if the condom breaks?"

"What! Why would it?"

"It may happen. At least 3% of the time condoms don't work."

"No way! Really?"

"Yes. I heard it from a very reliable source."

" What source?"

" Ummmm...FRIENDS!"

"You mean the sitcom FRIENDS?"

"UH-HA!"

He sighed, " But you don't like FRIENDS. You just watched it for the sake of watching it."

"I know. I still don't. But FRIENDS doesn’t lie about things."

"Ow okay. So you're tensed that if we have sex our condom might break!"

"Your condom."

"Ok my condom..."

"....and what if I get pregnant? What will you do then?"

*awkward silence*

She asked again, "What will you do if I get pregnant with your child?"

"I obviously won't ask you for an abortion. You know I don’t support killing a life."

"Uh-hmm then?"

"Then....maybe there's no way. We won't have sex if that's what you want."

"I didn’t say that!"

"Yes you did...in a different way...and it's totally fine!"

She sighed. Why is she always having the same conversation with him? Him....who just lives in her head. Everybody thinks she's delusional. Maybe that's it. She IS delusional.

"Am I delusional?" she asked him.

"Why do you think so?"

"It's just....we are having this same conversation everyday. About having sex. And every time I got rejected. But then again I asked for the same thing. What's the matter with me? Am I delusional?"

"Darling you're just horny."

Horny! Horny! She's thinking it hard! Yes that could be it! She could be horny! She has found a new direction of her imagination. Horny it is!

She rushed from her bedroom and ran towards the backyard where her parents were having a barbeque party with some close relatives.

"Mom! Dad! I know what I am....", as everybody looked at her with an utterly frustration, she screamed out loud with a big smile and glow in her eyes," I'm not delusional! I AM HORNY! I AM HORNY!"

(The End)