(I donāt care if you post this or not)
Most of my asks on tumblr tend to be fairly unserious but Iām gonna be honest Iām struggling right now. Iām trans and my parents are both unsupportive. My mother is a massive terf and I really donāt see her changing her viewpoints at all. Not too sure about my dad, but he hasnāt ever outwardly opposed the transphobic stuff my mother says so itās not like heās supportive, if that makes sense.
A while ago I was outed, and since then thereās been multiple occurrences where friends mess up and accidentally call me by my chosen name and pronouns around my mother. Sheās never really said anything directly to me, but I have seen what she posted on a particular social media platform where she talks about how her daughter is going by male pronouns at school. The ādaughterā is me by the way, though thatās not how I identify. And she knows this.
I know there are some parents who are truly just confused about how to act when they discover that their child is trans, and they post about it to get information and advice on how to support their child, but unfortunately thatās not what my motherās intent was when posting about me.
I honestly regret looking at what she said online. It makes me feel sick when I think that she just sees me as a confused young woman whoās been convinced sheās a man. Every time she introduces me to other people as her ādaughterā when Iām standing right next to her, and refers to me using feminine pronouns, I feel a bit of myself die.
And Iām so conflicted because in some aspects sheās a pretty good parent, and she really fought for supports for me before and after I got diagnosed as autistic. Sheās been pretty supportive of my interests and has always encouraged my art. She isnāt some cartoonish villain and I do genuinely love her. But then again, me being a trans guy is a big part of my identity, and her not accepting that and deliberately misgendering me is killing me, both in a metaphorical and literal sense.
Iām going to be a legal adult in a couple months, and at that point Iāll be able to start medically transitioning through hormones without my parents knowledge- but it fucking sucks that I wonāt have support from my family during this process.
Idk, I just feel trapped. I feel like when I do start medically transitioning, Iāll still be having to lie about it to her, even though Iām fairly sure sheāll work out whatās happening when I (hopefully) start growing facial hair.
Iām so fed up of living at this point, it sucks.
Obviously if you donāt feel comfortable reading or posting this, itās up to you. I just wanted to scream into the void for a bit.
So you're struggling, Try doing things that make you feel better and optimistic for life (wonderful eazy advice, I know). Stand firm with your Identity and make sure you're eating and drinking ect...
If being on the internet ever gets too much, PLEASE take breaks.
I relate to this SO much, so my council here is somewhat from personal experience
My situation was more clear cut, My father was transphobic and, all that. When I finally got away from him it REALLY felt like a massive weight off my shoulders. He used to get me all the games I wanted but, he still was a horrible man
No the world is not kind to us right now, It may never be, But once you get out, If My experience means anything IT WILL. FEEL. BETTER.
Being able to recognize your mother did do good is a wonderful thing, but don't let the "but she was good to me when so-and-so" take away from how she hurts you, Act the way you believe is right for you
When you're able to transition, and when you're stable in your life with a place and an income that may support you, then you won't have to lie to be safe, HOWEVER It's all YOUR choice:
For support, I'm sure your friends will be there for you, and maybe your dad!
With how you describe your mother, She sounds like a good person outside of being a TERF, due to her being a TERF, I can only suggest you try to reason with her that you're a male and you'd appreciate her calling you your preffered name and using your preferred pronouns (Though being realistic....Let's not dwell on that), however it seems that you've already tried, I can't give much advice here.
Its truly awful your mother posts about you on social media like...that.
Really the only thing I can say, is, It DOES get better, and surrounnding yourself with people who care about you will help.
I wish you luck on your transition,
And I'm sorry for the late response...
