You will not die at the hands of quicksand. Ask me how I know this

Please, how do you know this?

quicksand does not have any hands

you actually don't have to go on dating apps to find girlfriends. many beautiful women are waiting for you on rocks out at sea

ⓘ This user is a malicious entity made of seafoam.

Out of my way, bothersome footnote, I'm about to get it

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

I’m blowing u a kiss it should arrive in 3-5 business days

crossfaded somewhere between "there has to be more to life than this" and "every mundane thing is beautiful when you're with people you love"

trying to bed a knight like: *unbuttons your jupon* *unbuckles your cuirass* *unbuckles your gorget* *takes off your hauberk* *stops to catch my breath* *unbuttons your gambeson* *takes off your shirt*

if anyone needs me i’ll be alone in my tower

I absolutely love ships where one character is usually serious and distant, but when they talk to that one person, their voice turns soft and gentle and is suddenly filled with fondness that they don’t show to anyone else.

I absolutely love ships where one character is usually serious and distant, but when they talk to that one person, their voice turns soft and gentle and is suddenly filled with fondness that they don’t show to anyone else.

The upside to the adhd forgetting that you made yourself a drink thing is thinking to yourself “man I could go for a drink right now” and looking to your right and seeing a drink has appeared there. Thank you, past me. I lost you somewhere but you have still provided.