conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 39 (masterpost here)
Dick: -uhh, yeah i think Robin's with Red Robin tonight, over in Bristol. There's some kinda takedown RR wanted his help with, so if anything happens in the alley i'll be closest to come help.
Jason, whispering: he actually asked for Robin's presence? i thought they were fighting right now. hasn't Red been in a real bad mood since B started overseeing his operations at work?
Dick: dude- you don't even know. those two are weird. they only ever hang out when they're mad at each other.
Jason, still whispering: *slight scrape against concrete* it's like they have some sort of weird agreement to be pissed off at each other as much as possible. *quieter* awww, shit.
Dick: Agent- *laughs* Agent A told me he found the two fist-fighting in the garden. like- not sparring; brutal bloody fighting. he was about to rush out and tear them apart when they just... stopped. did some kinda handshake and went out for milkshakes together.
Jason: *quiet grunt* *smack against concrete* *light computer key tapping* ahhhhh i get it. they've found their little autistic fight buddy system.
Dick: *confused wheeze* their what?
Jason: you might wanna come over to that factory by that Thai place we went to a few weeks ago by the way. i estimate i have like, a couple minutes to download the info on these systems before they figure out i knocked out their guy and launch defence.
Dick: ...aw come on i just sat down, Hood-,
Jason, indignant: you offered-
Dick, sighing: yeah yeah fuck off, i'm coming, i'm coming. *distant pop of muscles* whaddya mean autistic fighting buddies?
Jason: *snorts* oh, back when i was on the streets a couple of kids i used to look out for did it. weren't good at regulating emotions for social situations, so whenever they got overwhelmed they'd just call their fighting buddy over and these guys would beat the shit out of each other in one of the parks in town. they were like, best friends; never held hard feelings or nothin'. i watched em' a couple times, they used to go all out. i had to set this little fucker's nose, like, three times. he was nine.
Dick: that's a thing people do?!
Jason, casual: i dunno. seemed to work though. cheaper than therapy; plus some of us used to watch on the side-lines like at a Roman colosseum. Robin definitely used to use the league fighting grounds as a way to blow off steam whenever Ra's had him in too many diplomat meetings, so i wouldn't be surprised if he kept that little coping mechanism up after being forced into the civilian school-child role.
Jason: and Red's just weird. so i buy it from him too.
Dick: *snort* wait, did you just say Ra's had diplomat meetings? in what universe was that man being diplomatic towards anything.
Jason: *light snickers* dude- Wing. you don't understand. it was a big. desert. lotta' us in there trying to hold down shady associations.
Dick: *disbelief audible* fuck off.
Jason: *wheeze* i joined like, three different opposing cults during my time there. all because Ra's or Talia pissed me off and i wanted to be rebellious for a while. diplomacy in that desert was no joke, we had to find a way to get along.
Dick: what fucking desert was this,
Jason: there was a- *wheeze* there was this shaman in this little village, right? and Ra's was terrified of her. she fuckin-, she was just a woman. literally just- like i checked. i checked her for magic. i was using the All-Blades like airport security wands on her, just checking for anything.
Dick: what do you mean; Ra's was scared of her?
Jason: HE FUCKIN' HATED HER! to this day i don't know why, she was literally just a woman; the shaman thing was bullshit. but Ra's was like. dead set on the idea that peace must be kept between us and her tribe. i'm telling you, he was terrified of her. Ra's Al Ghul's weakness is a fake shaman that lives about 5 miles out from him in a tent.
Dick: how has that not been used against him yet?
Jason: oh i did. i married her.
*two more seconds of silence*
*distant bang* *unintelligible yelling*
Jason: *computer tapping stops* oh shit- ok yeah, ok so i- i did fully just yell out while undergoing a sleuth mission a few seconds ago, my bad. they found me. i gotta bounce. what's your ETA Nightwing?
Dick, indignant: NO NO- NO NO, WE ARE NOT MOVING PAST THAT LAST COMMENT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MARRIED HER.
Jason: it's really not that big a deal- motherfucker-
Dick: HEY- hey, Hood? that's a matter of opinion.
Jason: OW. you piece of- *gunshots* yEAH, ain't so fuckin tough now, are we??? sorry- what were you sayin, Nightwing?
Jason: oh, dude- these guys have a- wait. wait wait wait- THESE GUYS HAVE A ROBOT OH MY G- *rapid loud gunfire*
Dick: YOU CAN'T DIE HOOD YOU HAVE A WIFE. FUCK- shit, fuck fuck fuck- HOLD ON. ORACLE???
Barbara: his communicators are down. Red Robin and Robin have rerouted, is Batman still off-world?
Dick: yeah, all weekend, can you get eyes on the area?
Barbara: i'm looking, but you know Hood and his henchmen make a game out of finding and shooting all security cameras in the alley. there's a half-broken one still kind of functioning a few blocks out but all i can see is- oh fuck.
Barbara: Hood neglected to mention the size of this robot. this is some Attack on Titan level bullshit. how were they even hiding that thing- what fucking case has Hood been working?!
Dick: I DIDN'T ASK?! YOU HEARD WHAT HE- YOU HEARD HIM TELL ME HE WAS MARRIED, RIGHT? I WAS DISTRACTED.
Barbara: yeah, well you aren't gonna find out more unless you get in there and save him. i'm warning Red about the robot so he can try an EMP when he arrives. stay safe Nightwing.
Dick: if i have to go to Nanda Parbat to tell a fake witch that she's been widowed i'm going to kill myself.
Dick: and i am not telling B about the funeral.
