this was supposed to be a quiet weekend. a couple of panels, a small q&a, and she would be home before lunchtime monday. perhaps it was foolish of her not to ask about the other attendants. to not give much thought into who she might run into. not that betty would have ever expected to run into augustina. she's heard her songs, of course. noticed how real and raw they felt. how much they echoed her own story. some of her fans had, too, judging by some of the edits she's seen online. cllips actors who they think could play betty, james, and augustina's counterparts underscored by the songs. they don't realise just how ironic it is.

❝ yeah . . that's the one. ❞ christ. this might be the most awkward hour of her life, and betty's had plenty of those in her past. but maybe this could be a blessing in disguise? a chance to patch up the wound between them. after all, they had let each other take the blame for the actions of one immature boy. ❝ sure, that would be nice. ❞

she can't deny she'd wondered, especially after the book came out. back then she'd tried to find out, asking around, stalking his social media. she'd been forced to give up on lack of supply. that book come out had been some cruel revelation. ❝ well, at least he gave you a choice ❞ she can't help the way the words tumble out, venomous, angry. she hates being this pathetic, small person she always reverts back to. she hates betty saying angelica deserved better, as if augustina hadn't spent so long wishing things turned out differently. she hates how nice it must to be someone like betty, who had the option, who had the luxury to know people would come back, and she could reject them. augustina had never been chosen like that. and she hate that now she knows ... betty had turned him down, and james had still never come back to her.

the  response  was  as  if  it  were  a  given.      as  if  it  was  expected  that  they  would  all  put  their  lives  on  the  line  for  her.      that  stiles,    very  much  human,    would  throw  himself  headfirst  into  yet another  supernatural  situation.      lydia  was  curled  up  on  her  bed,    arms  wrapped  around  her  knees  to  keep  them  tucked  up  against  her  chest.          ❝ you  could  have  gotten  yourself  killed, ❞          she  scolded  him  slightly,    shaking  her  head.          ( it  would  have  been  your  fault      —      and  you  would  have  seen  it  coming )          always  knowing;      rarely  able  to  do  anything  to  prevent  it.     

turning  her  head  to  glance  at  him,    lydia’s  chest  felt  heavy.      he  was  always  there,    an  ever  present  force  in  her  life.      was  she  worthy  of  it?      of  all  the  years  spent  not  noticing  him,    but  he  was  there  the  whole  time.      legs  were  released  from  her  grasp,    crawling  over  to  the  edge  of  her  bed  nearest  to  the  chair  stiles  had  retreated  to.      far  away;      giving  her  space  that  she  never  asked  for.          ❝ please  don’t- ❞          her  voice  trembled,    eyes  pleading  as  she  noticed  him  shifting  in  the  chair.      lydia  wanted  to  reach  out      –      hold  him  there,    fall  into  his  arms  to  remind  herself  that  he  was  there.          ❝ don’t  go.      stay. ❞

caretaker.

i'll  stay  until  you  fall  asleep.

you're  not  a  burden.  not  to  me.

you  don't  have  to  act  tough  with  me.

let  me  help.

if  you  need  to  cry,  i'll  look  the  other  way.

you  don't  have  to  talk.

let  me  handle  it,  just  for  a  minute.

rest,  i'll  watch  over  you.

i  don't  care  if  you  think  you're  fine.  i'm  staying.

deep  breaths.

just  lean  on  me.

you're  safe  now,  okay?  just  breathe.

i  know  it  hurts.  i'll  sit  here  as  long  as  it  takes.

i'm  not  leaving  until  i  know  you're  okay.

you  don't  need  to  hide.

let  me  take  care  of  you  this  time.

shh.  i'm  right  here.

you  don't  have  to  put  on  a  smile  for  me.

i  don't  think  less  of  you.

i'll  be  here  when  you  wake  up.

you're  allowed  to  lean  on  me.  that's  what  i'm  here  for.

you  don't  have  to  be  okay.

scoot  over,  i'm  not  letting  you  sleep  alone.

your  hair's  a  mess.  let  me  brush  it.

don't  apologize.

cared  for.

i'm  tired,  that's  all.

please  don't  go.

i  don't  know  what  i  need.

you  didn't  need  to  come.

you  shouldn't  have  to  see  me  like  this.

i  hate  feeling  like  this.

i  was  trying  to  push  through.  i  think  i  made  it  worse.

this  is  so  embarrassing.

can  you  just...  stay  a  little  longer?

i  didn't  think  anyone  would  notice...

i'm  not  safe  in  my  own  head  right  now.

why  are  you  being  so  gentle  with  me?

i  don't  want  you  to  fix  me.

today's  just...  one  of  the  harder  days.

i  didn't  know  i  needed  to  hear  that.

can  you  stay?  after  i  fall  asleep?

sorry.  i  didn't  mean  to  flinch.

i  don't  always  know  what's  going  to  help.

this  is  the  nicest  anyone’s  been  to  me  all  week.

i'm  sorry.  i  know  i'm  a  lot.

i  don't  even  know  why  i'm  crying...

i  think  i'm  broken.

you  didn't  have  to  do  all  this  for  me.

i  don't  want  to  be  a  burden.

a mix of arguments, tension, manipulation, gossiping, fighting, & general emotional messiness!

you  weren't  supposed  to  hear  that.

don't  look  at  me  like  i'm  the  only  one  lying.

want  to  tell  them,  or  should  i?

you  think  i  don't  know  what  you  did?

i've  hit  people  for  less.

oh,  i  thought  you  already  knew.

that's  funny,  you  didn't  say  that  last  night.

say  that  again.  i  dare  you.

you  wanna  talk  about  loyalty?

no  offense,  but  if  you're  the  last  to  know,  that's  on  you.

go  ahead  -  pretend  like  it  wasn't  your  idea!

they  deserve  to  know  the  truth.

you  didn't  hear  this  from  me,  but  -

oh,  so  now  you  care?

don't  flatter  yourself.  you  were  just  convenient.

you  crossed  a  line.

we  had  bets  on  how  long  it  would  last.

it's  not  even  a  secret  anymore.

you  don't  get  to  cry  about  it  now.

touch  me  again  and  see  what  happens.

say  it  again.  louder  this  time.

you  really  thought  nobody  would  find  out?

don't  act  so  innocent.

okay,  but  am  i  the  villain  for  laughing?

tell  me  who  else  knows.  right  now.

this  whole  time,  and  you  didn't  say  a  word?

don't  act  brave  now.

you're  really  gonna  do  this  here?

it  wasn't  supposed  to  get  this  far!

you  can't  rewrite  history.

oh,  i'd  never  say  it  to  their  faces.

it  was  supposed  to  stay  between  us.

we're  all  thinking  it,  i  just  said  it.

you're  not  as  untouchable  as  you  act.

do  you  even  feel  guilty?

they  warned  me  about  you.

go  ahead,  make  it  worse.

if  you  repeat  this,  i'll  deny  everything.

the  next  thing  out  of  your  mouth  better  be  an  apology.

you're  about  three  seconds  away  from  regretting  this.

you  keep  pushing,  and  i'll  push  you  back.

they're  going  to  find  out.

one  more  lie,  and  i  walk.

they're  lying  to  you.

you  need  to  back  off.  now.

you're  defending  them?  after  everything?

don't  try  to  hide  it.

tell  me,  was  i  just  a  placeholder?

you  really  think  sorry  fixes  this?

there's  nothing  left  to  say.

don't  act  like  you're  the  one  hurting.

i  don't  owe  you  any  explanation.

whatever  helps  you  sleep  at  night.

you  should've  seen  this  coming.

i  hope  it  was  worth  it.

i  told  the  truth.  just  not  all  of  it.

you'll  miss  me  before  i  miss  you.

smile.  you're  ruining  the  mood.

i'd  watch  that  tone  if  i  were  you.

it's  not  my  fault  you  believed  me.

you  have  such  a  talent  for  pretending  you're  innocent.

we  both  know  this  is  over.

i  never  said  i  was  a  good  person.

the slight rise in his voice at the news doesn't go unnoticed. of course not, lily has always been hyperaware of him. even when she professed to hate him she seemed to know everything, his class schedule, his match days, and his girl of the week. she would claim it was hard not to know since he liked to make his business everyones, but the truth might run a little deeper. the flutter in her heart might have started long before she was willing to acknowledge it. and now there's a rising of something in her chest. something akin to hope.

she offers a shrug in the way of a confirmation. ❝ it was a long time coming probably. we're better as friends. ❞ maybe she stayed with him a little too long to prove a point. she was supposed to love . . well, at least really like daniel. nothing was the same when they returned from summer. too much time had been spent apart. neither rushing to introduce the other to their family despite the constant messages, and even they seemed to drop off somewhere in the middle. ❝ this doesn't mean i condone your hatred for him, you know. he's still a decent bloke. ❞

for a moment it feels like a door has opened wide. a sudden realm of possibilities laid out before them. they've never really been single at the same time. never allowed space to consider how deep the care she has for him goes. it had become useless to deny that she doesn't see how handsome he was, or that she doesn't enjoy spending time with him, or that more than once she'd felt that inch to link her hand in his. hand at her side twitches, as if resisting that very urge now. but then he speaks of matilda again and it's like a bucket of cold water is poured over her. hand clenches into a fist.

it's easy to summon that response, it's what she'd expect. but he's aware as he says it, that it's not true. he thinks he does hate daniel, even though lily was right - he'd never actually done anything to james. but every time james thought of him, he felt himself growing hot. he just annoyed james. his relationship with lily had annoyed james. he'd thought to himself so many times that he didn't understand lily, didn't get her, appreciate her. he'd sometimes thought he cared a lot more than daniel ever had.

he blows air through his teeth, shaking his head ❝ harsh, sallow. can't fix the past, only try and try again, as they say ❞ but despite the rebuttal, he actually feels buoyed by her response though, even in it's judgement. it feels familiar, it feels charged. he'd always liked this about lily, the way they seemed to meet eachothers rhythm. the way talking to her made him feel understood and challenged all at once. ❝ I do like matilda, that's why we're back together ❞ but even as he says it, he knows he's never really wanted to spend time with her. he found her pleasant, charming. but he'd never looked forward to their time together, never wondered what she was thinking about, replayed their conversations in his head.

" i'm with him in every way that matters. at least i didn't need to beg for a fucking bed to sleep in tonight. how does that feel?" she can be so cruel when she wants to be and patrick makes her even crueler. he is an expert in winding her up so tight that she has no choice but to burst. there's nowhere for all that she's pent up inside to go but out.

tashi scoffs at his insistence. need he forget that she knows him. she knows his game — all his strengths and weaknesses and horrible little tells. he's become something of a lazy player. it was a road he was heading down even back then. what a fucking waste of natural talent. he could be poetry on the court, write his own fucking love story with an opponent, but he simply doesn't give enough of a shit. it's an insult to the game. it's an insult to her.

" i don't want to come watch you be a weak little bitch again. " oof. yeah, he's really ruffled her feathers. " start winning more games and maybe you'll have my attention. " little does he know, she still keeps up with his game. patrick is a bad habit she can't seem to shake, no matter how many miles, years, and best friends are between them.

" it's my bed. i could make you take the floor. " they both know she wouldn't. they've been locked in this same dance for what feels like forever. patrick leads until tashi takes over, then back again. he is a constant push and pull in the most deliciously infuriating way.

his smile widens as she scoffs, her words with all their vitriol doing nothing to dampen his spirit. tashi angry at him, annoyed, disgusted - he didn't mind that. he liked it, he'd never shied away from passion, fire. it was indifference he couldn't stomach. and her reaction was anything but indifferent. loathing, he could work with. knowing she was this pissed off because she evidently knew exactly how much he'd let himself go, because she was still paying attention all these years later. well it practically made him giddy.

❝ alright, I'll win tomorrow, you'll see . . . how about this, if you come watch tomorrow, I'll make sure I win in straight sets. you know I can do it ❞ and her being there would be all the motivation he needed. true, he'd hardly trained for this game. but when he felt it, it was like the tennis lit him up from the inside. he didn't need coaching, he just needed to know after all these years he was still playing for her attention. ❝ unless you're worried about what people might think if you came along. art, that is. ❞ he'd not serve the conversation back to her without one little jab.

he laughs at that, shakes his head toward the ceiling. god, he was such a sucker. even after all these years. and she still exploited it ruthlessly. it was why she would always be one of the greats. he rolls over, deliberately closing the gap between them, their bodies so close to touching he could feel the charge between them. ❝ I can't - you staying away is practically the last thing I've ever wanted ❞