GLORY DAYS
On August 26th everyoneâs favorite 90âs scandalous tummy showing teen released her ninth studio album Glory.
Let me not lie. There are some classic Britney sounds on the album and some fun jams we will all be throwing up over in a year because of how outdated they sound making me think our pop princess may be trying to hard to relive her glory days.
Not to mention her now resident show in Vegas, which is never a good sign for performing artists. Vegas is where artists go to dieâŚand not from heat exhaustion.
I miss the 90âs and early 2000âs Britney who had every mom gaping in offense and âRegina Georgeâ moms putting on their Juicy Sweat Suits trying desperately to be young again.
I miss the early Britney songs that didnât all sound like a RuPaul production or the theme for every drag show.
The origins of this post spawned from her 20 minute set at the iHeart radio festival just a few days ago. The performance was a damn mess with gooey and sticky dance breaks that should have been crisp and fresh. As always there were plenty of lights, flashy costumes and lazy strip routines that were all meant to make up for songs that no longer translate well on stage.
Toxic yielded some slight original stage presence by being introduced with the Yael Naim cover giving the set a little something new. Otherwise the songs performed sounded exactly as they do on the album, which made for a rather boring performance and no valid proof of musicianship. Instead the iHeart performance looked like a long karaoke show.
Her body may still be bomb but her dancing has gotten sloppy and still thinks sheâs fooling us with that mic. Lose it girl everyone knows youâve been lip singing since the Baby One More Time tour.
But now that Iâm thinking about itâŚ. have any of us actually ever heard Britney sing live? Actually liveâŚlike⌠with an actual mic that works? A mic that actually captures the sound coming out of her vocal chords?
If anyone has the janky youtube video of such a performance please cough it up. And if the only one you can find is her performance of Everytime in 1997 then letâs all give up now because that performance says it all.
It may be Britney b*tch but letâs be real
                                         the glory days are done.











