e v a n n a h

People sometimes need to be away from the places they grew up to learn not just more about themselves– but also realize there’s so much more to life than the comfortable, familiar cities they are tied to.

Things I want to tell myself at 21 1. You’ve achieved so much in terms of self care and self respect but there are still some things you have to work on. Like dancing. Yes, you can get drunk and dance and you can dance alone in your room but why do you feel so restrained in front of people? 2. You have a beautiful smile. But you can’t smile genuinely in crowds. Blur them out. Crowds shouldn’t dictate how wide you smile. 3. Have more ice cream. Have double scoops of different flavours and walk around when the sun is out with sticky hands and stained lips. 4. When you’re in situations you have no control over, do not stress. There’s literally no point. Instead focus on things you can control which will indirectly have a positive impact on those tough situations you can’t directly deal with. 5. Always read the preview of a book before buying it. Always. 6. Don’t force yourself to giveaway your childhood books. Somethings you can keep for yourself even if only for occasional smiles and nostalgia. 7. Try. And don’t give up. You will have relapses. You will be doing so well and then will suddenly faulter. A day. Maybe five. But you can get back to it. You can start again. The number times you go back to something you’re trying to change, something you’re working on, strengthens your will. It’s not a sign of losing. It’s a sign that you will eventually conquer. 8. I know you just can’t understand when women are against feminism and when men and women have such a wrong idea of what feminism really is. But you can’t get so agitated. You can’t forcefully change their beliefs. 9. You would like to believe that a friend would be a certain way and your grandparents would be a certain way but just because they are supposed to be loving and available doesn’t mean they actually will. People hardly ever live up to what they should. Even if they are family. Even if they are love. 10. Save first. Then spend out of the remaining money. That’s the only way you can have your Seoul trip by 2020. 11. When you watch a movie or read a book that makes you emotional and nostalgic, texting them isn’t a wise option because they aren’t feeling the same way. It will just be another unwanted text from you. 12. You are privileged. In different ways from most but still privileged. Know your privilege. Don’t look down on others. They aren’t blessed with the same advantages as you are. 13. Let those who want to cancel plans cancel. There’s no point in meeting someone who isn’t as excited and as desirous of meeting you as you are of meeting them. Even if you are friends since 9. Even if you have a treasure trove of childhood memories with them. 14. Sometimes excuses are genuine reasons. 15. 20s isn’t the only decade you’re alive. Don’t stress yourself to achieve everything in these 10 years and don’t drive yourself insane accomplishing things you don’t even want to but believe that you should. 16. Be true to yourself. Even if that’s the only thing you will ever be.

me: i want to buy new books

In the world somewhere, right now, someone is pouring coffee in a hotel lobby in an island town waiting for the sun to come up, thinking about how in the world somewhere, at the exact same time, someone else is making tea before bed on a warm night in the countryside. And somewhere else, someone is waiting for a train in a busy city to get dinner with the girl he is breaking up with, who is putting on mascara across town thinking about her brother who’s bartending in LA and the open invitation she never thought she’d want to use. And no matter what you’re doing right now, and whether or not you’re happy with it, it’s oddly comforting to think that any life you ever dream of having exists, and at any given moment, someone else is living it.

One minute they ache to touch you, the next day they want nothing to do with you. Feelings are a fickle thing. You want answers, you need closure, and now you’re laying awake at night trying to hold yourself together because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. You are full of love for someone who saw what you had to offer – and they decided they didn’t want it. This, an unbearable version of the many forms of loneliness.

Nostalgia is actually a beautiful feeling because it means that even if you lost it, you once had something so beautiful it’s worth missing.