euxdaimon

first

I have stopped believing in love and have instead have been using sex as a way to cope with my constant search of love. What I wish to achieve with this placeholder for whatever ptsd coping mechanism this may be relevant to. This seems to stay a mystery.

second

I have a fear of being perceived. At the same time I bask in positive attention or any at all. I'm torn in a limbo between fear and a search for love

third

My recommendation: listen to this while reading!

You know when your brain is too full of thoughts? Too many thoughts, too many ideas and you don't know where to put them? People constantly ask: "Why do people get into using substances?"

I volunteer to be used as an example:

When a person is influenced by various factors, which negatively impact them in order to de-stress, relax and in most cases to simply escape the unfornate reality some people start to use things to make them feel better. It can be anything, not necessarily drugs. From sex, to gambling, to excessive tv-watching, to excessive eating/or lack thereof.

And in the end, isn't it also, because you also feel a sense of clarity in these moments of bliss?

In my case, as someone with constantly racing thoughts w33d (the therapeutic green leaf) it makes me calm down. My brain slows down and I can finally think. In these moments my ideas all manage to come into fruition. E.g.: I had the thought of starting a blog, in order to discuss and ramble about mental health; but sober all my mental health problems, plus financial issues keep me from doing the things I want.

The sort of carelessness I develop when high is one hand beneficial, on the other hand it allows me to become reckless. With anything really! Ideas like:

. Ways to bring attention to mental health issues and the way they affect people in all aspects of life?

.Ways I could become a local tourist guide and which ways to go on about creating a website for said business?

They all present themselves in contrast to visions of grandeur and reckless behaviour:

.Unprotected sex as a person, who doesn't get their period anymore as I have been more than a year Testosterone I still could contract STDs or ,yes while unlikely, get pregnant!

. As finances are a big issue in my life, my mind also drifts into theoretical business concepts: they don't always are fully do-able, because of funds or you know not-technically-super-l.e.ga.l....

xxxx

But yeah...