white houses

“Thank god. Not that I am going to go home. Hell to the fuckin’ no am I spending months with my psycho bitch of a mother. This is my first summer away from her. I am going to have some fun with it.” 

“This must be how people feel when I overshare. Enjoy your freedom, you deserve it after this semester if your teacher’s as bad as you claim.”

“What can I say? Didn’t have a great check on my temper freshman year - and I have no intention of hitting you now so you can relax. Wait has Alex hit you?”

“No no, I was talking about Alex Trebek. It was a joke, no one here named Alex has hit me. Some guy name Bruno did once though, that was fun. I corrected his grammar, bad move on my part. I’m glad you’ve got a hold on your rage though. Good for you.”

“I’m told I have that affect on people, still trying to figure out if that’s good or bad, now that I know your thoughts are off the rails right now and here for a reason we both don’t know why. Is there convincing you to do one or the other now?”

“I don’t really get high. Ever. At all. That’s not a thing that ever makes it onto my daily agenda. Neither does randomly undressing in front of girls. I’m sorry. I appreciate the interest though.”

     “but then wouldn’t i have to stop watching the show in order not to spoil the books? it doesn’t make much sense either way.”

“Plenty of people do both. There are also differences between the two, like with most adaptions. Have you never watched a movie of a book you’ve already read? Twilight? The Hunger Games maybe?”

“Oh but sweetheart I do. He fucking talks about it everyday. Whines about how much his life sucks but does nothing about it. Get over it old man or do something to make it better. Complaining to a bunch of college freshman isn’t going to help you sort your shit out.” 

“I’m not sure how to react to this. At least the school year is almost over.”

“Well not everyone finds it easy right? In fact I’m surprised I’m doing such a good job normally I’ve said like seven stupid things by this point. People shouldn’t say those things to you though, they’re horrible? Besides why would I leave? You’ve been nothing but kind so far, even in your own weird and wonderful way. No I’m not violent at all, unless it’s with my sister.”

“It’s my motor mouth taking over the conversation and stopping you from potentially saying something embarrassing. This might surprise you but people are generally horrible. My kindness in my weird and wonderful way is the reason people go running. I’m like a giant magnet that repels everything and everyone. Sibling rivalry? Is it playful sisterly violence or scary bond breaking violence? Can I ask that? That’s probably too personal, pretend I didn’t ask that.”

“Well I would never lie to you and as a model, general good person and avid shopper I can assure you that you are in safe hands - yes give you a make over, not a total overhaul don’t want to give you a heart attack but you know, one or two outfits to spice things up”.

“Did you just say as a model? Are you a model? In that case I’d be in incredibly capable hands but I’m very very hesitant. You’re not going to try to put me in leopard print are you? Or jeggings? Everyone loves jeggings. I’d look terrible in them. I like sweaters, what’s wrong with sweaters? What about argyle, is argyle hip? I love it too.”

“Oh, well you still shouldn’t waste food.” He ate another cookie, a bit hesitant this time. “I have good health care. My dad’s in the armed forces.”

“You are braver than I am, my friend. I’d rather waste food than risk throwing up.”

“Well, thank you. I think I’ll find a job as a reporter first before I do anything else. Just kind or taking it from there.”

“That’s good, you have a plan already. What kind of reporting are you interested in?”

denise blinked slowly, trying to figure out how this conversation turned on to the topic of potty training. she was quick to realize, however, that it was of her own doing. she should have never mentioned drinking green tea. “anyway, so you like horror films?” she inquired, hoping to change the subject completely. 

Thank the lord for unsubtle segues. “Oh no, not at all. I’m easily terrified. Jump scares get me, every time. The creepy music is enough to make my skin crawl. I stick to anything but horror. Blood also makes me queasy. They’re bad for me.”

     “you’d love to put on weight? oh, fuck me, don’t be that person. just say you’re not on a diet and move on. besides, i’m almost certain all alcohol drinks have carbs, so what, you just don’t drink? it’s college, please.”

“I thought we were just making conversation, I didn’t know I was being that person. But okay, I’m not on a diet. I very rarely drink, I do so socially on occasion but that’s about it. You won’t catch me at a kegger. Partially because I don’t drink, and partially because no one would invite me to a kegger.”

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t keep her eyes off that ugly sweater. She shook her head, “How about we make a deal. You tutor me for an hour, no interruptions. No back talk…and then you let me take you shopping.”

“What is this sudden fascination girls have with taking me shopping? They’re just clothes.” Nicely made clothes, that were reasonably priced. He didn’t see a bad side here. “Your grades are more important than my lack of fashion sense, Zelena.”

“I probably could use a new car. Mine is like 9 years old and it was already pretty old when I got it. It was a used car that was already about 5 years old. I have some trouble with it, but right now it is easier to get it fixed than have to pay off another car for the next 6 years.” She looked around and saw her section pretty empty. “I actually might take my break. Have no tables right now. Do you mind if I join you?” 

“Join me? Really you want to? I mean, yes, of course. If you can take a break I’d love the company. I was just doing my thing, sipping some tea. Blueberry ginseng, if you were wondering. I’m a tea guy, coffee makes me a little nuts. I can’t handle all that caffeine. Or the taste, it’s terrible. I’d have to load it up with sugar and cream just to choke it down, defeats the purpose. If you don’t stop me, I’ll never shut up. I thought my car ramblings were bad.”

“Yea I know, I’m not just a pretty face. Wait what? I’ve never hit you…can’t say I haven’t hit people but I’ve never hit you have I? And Alex isn’t a jock what has he got to do with this?”

“The fact that you’re not sure worries me even more. No, you’ve never hit me. I’d like it to stay that way, it will right? Please don’t hit me. The Alex thing was a joke, not a very funny way apparently.”

“potty training,” denise crinkled her nose. “has anyone ever told you that you have a bad habit of oversharing information about yourself whenever you’re nervous or whatever..this is?” she gestured at the male.

“I ramble when I’m nervous, sometimes it includes oversharing. Not that I consider that oversharing. Or sharing at all really. I am trained to use a toilet, aren’t you? We already have that information.”