dan: what’s up with mc? she's been laying on the floor for like… an hour now? jessy: she's just a little overwhelmed. dan: why? jessy: jake sent her an audio message with his real voice.

wednesday and tyler: *kissing* pugsley: what the—?! oh, you're sick. tyler: listen, pugs— pugsley: this is incest! wednesday: no, it’s not. pugsley: yes, it is, wednesday. wednesday: we’re not related. pugsley: oh, and that makes it okay, i suppose? tyler: well, it makes it not incest!

enid: who's your type? wednesday: hmm... enid: for example, tyler- wednesday: yes. enid: enid: as i was saying, tyler's type is definitely black-haired and sadistic impulses. wednesday: oh. enid: wait. what you meant by 'yes'?

high ajax: did you hear about wednesday and tyler? tyler: what are you talking about? high ajax: well, right before christmas, enid and agnes walked in on them when they were doing… stuff. tyler: where? dorm, closet, stairway, car? principal’s office? high ajax: principal’s office? bianca: principal’s office?!

enid: WEDNESDAY AND TYLER ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR! ajax: with who?! enid: enid: with each other!!!

[ENID AND AGNES AFTER WALKING ON WEDNESDAY AND TYLER] enid: i don't ever want to see that again. enid: i just don't understand. what happened? five hours ago, they were at each other's throats. agnes: well, apparently, they've decided to move downward.

enid: if i were a gardener, i'd put our tulips together. ajax: awww. wednesday, looking at tyler: if i were a gardener, you'd be my hoe. tyler: AWWWWWW.

enid: i hate my last name. wednesday: do you want my parents to adopt you so we can share my last name? tyler: i hate my last name too. wednesday: marry me.