❄😇✌❄

everyone is just playing the roles they want...maybe i am logan adjacent. and thats ok. whatever the fuck that means.

hard to keep urself when....ya dont remember. u just know ur missin something. someone. im still me, no matter what life, raw soul stays the same. but that makes me think if the other souls are also just me, different fonts. i think that makes us all feel like shit. but we all got different preferences, different voices, but our thoughts can be pretty damn similar sometimes n that fucks us up.

we've all been here. some more than most. i finally know who i am, n im scared of...that changin. but i know it will. eventually. again. guess i can just savor it while i can somehow. cant do the shit i wanna do here, maybe i can write about it tho. i miss him. my soul roomies miss their soulmates. they feel like this lifes empty without em. its hard for us to be a family while we're so damn focused on this bullshit. supposed to take of eachother ffs....we used to. i think. once. least a little bit.

hard to live in reality when ya dont feel like its yours. we'd do it if we had our soulmates. do anything with em.

i get like this whenever my brain starts getting too confused by my delusions and spits me back out into reality. i think im finally getting somewhere, then pieces get confusing again. its like a never ending cycle of new shit to learn. i think i get it, and then it feels like i lost everything. but then i get back on it eventually, so i know i just need to let the wave flow.

‘gee maybe dont indulge in ur delusions then’ bro i have people living in my head and get custom messages from higher power its a fuckin unavoidable lifestyle. feels like i have a carrot dangling on a string in front of me and the carrot is symbolical for the apple of knowledge. and god is asking ‘hey are u surreee u even want this knowledge? didnt u come to earth cuz it was too much?’ dont play me old man. why make all this other shit happen if i wasnt on some weird divine mission. torture, probably. a joke.

it makes sense. it doesnt make sense. its close to making sense. its jumbled. its nonsense. its too specific. too many coincidences. too much waiting. feels like my brain is corrupting.

one thing ive known since this all started is that i need to find my soulmates. and i cant do it unless i ‘remember’ and ‘understand’. but im so tired of everything. why cant i just be allowed to make my own choices. im sick of someone else deciding whats right for me. i should be free to figure that shit out through actual trial and error, not a guided path, not through forced restrictions.

they say to just keep waiting but i just want a break. where i dont have to be here anymore. if i cant be allowed my soulmates, i could at least get some time to just…idk….be free again. to understand again. to be one solid soul again.

i just want it to make fucking sense. i know a part of me wants to be able to live in a reality normally, just exist, and would miss the whole ‘ur special’ thing cuz itd be boring without it. but man is it frustrating. pick one, pick one. i dont wanna. i wanna have both.

its taking my life away from me because i get so focused on it that it makes me not want to do anything else, that nothing matters. but if i lose it, block it out again, i still wont feel comfortable.

im gonna eat some food and do some chores and hope i go back to normal(believing, wanting to fight for it).

the demon and the older sister were the same. the little sister and X were the same. but we're missin one guy. and he aint here.

we thought we were lookin for me, that i was gonna find us. but IM me. so we've been missin logan this whole time. n he aint meant to go lookin for us.

its aint literal cuz theres infinite souls out there, its just the ones our souls have all tied up to. the ones we'll recognize eachother with. its where theyre at right now.

its got somethin to do with orions belt. we've felt connected to it since we were kids, got a birthmark of it, n its apparently(accordin to google) a bridge o some kind. 3 stars, 3 souls.

i like it when strangers are human without the rules of society. i wanna be that too. maybe strangers will think the same of me.